one million

[dadaist]

#1000

[Sharni]

#998

Too far ahead ppl

[dadaist]

#1002

[jennaflower]

Sorry MT.. I beat ya too it :)

so this is 1005 :)

[PantyFanatic]

1,00? LMFAO

:D
:D

We are going to do this and we can't count. LOL

[dadaist]

So PF, how are we doing cracking our first thousand?

#1005

[Sharni]

Stop for a sec ppl....let me sort it out and get it back on track

[dadaist]

#1007

[Sharni]

We are upto

#1008

[jennaflower]

Per the main thread listing.. Dadaist's post above me is 1008..

Making this 1010...

[Sharni]

#1010

[dadaist]

#1011

[dadaist]

#1012

[MilkToast]

1013... I think that this is finally back on track... now... who got the 1000th reply?

[Sharni]

#1014

[PantyFanatic]

Originally posted by dadaist
So PF, how are we doing cracking our first thousand?

#1007

We are a bunch of uncoordinated bumble fucks. LMAO

#1,015 (I think?):confused:

[MilkToast]

this is 1016....

[Sharni]

#1017

We all need to use the edit feature if we find ourselves outposted is all

[Steph]

this is 1018

My Friday night is finally here! Yippeeeeeee!

[dadaist]

#1019

[MilkToast]

1021 - looks like Dadaist got the "1000" post :)

[dadaist]

#1021

[Sharni]

#1023

[dadaist]

Edit early, edit often.

#1023

(2^10) -1

[MilkToast]

1025...

I concur Dadaist... I have edited the post prior to the 1000th post to be 999.

[dadaist]

Okay I think it's time to go post/read elsewhere. ;)

Sometimes it's easiest to NOT forecast a number, but go and edit that number in, once everyone has hit their post button.

#1025

[MilkToast]

and I am done posting here for a while... time to find a brew in the fridge...

>>1027<<

[dadaist]

Yep, I'm done on this thread for tonight. I did one last check of my edits.

#1027

[BIBI]

1029 is the number of posts at the moment......it may change once I hit submit! :)

[dadaist]

Jenna, you mentioned the million bottles of beer possibility....
Have you seen
http://99-bottles-of-beer.ls-la.net/a.html

Talk about programmers with too much time on their hands.

On another note. If I were email subscribed to this thread, my inbox would be full and my ISP would be screaming at me ;)

#1029

[lostintexas]

#1031 fastly

edited for number

[Sharni]

#1032

[Sharni]

#1033

[PantyFanatic]

#1,034

When you go to the thread index, it will show the Thread, Thread Starter, Forum, Replies, Views, Last Post.

The number in “replies” is the responses to the thread being there. (the thread being there had to be a post) so “I” think you will always add one (1) to the number in “replies” to derive the number for the post [made by the person listed under “last post”]. We can just as well go with the number shown in “replies”. It is academic only.

But ………. it WILL become an issue when we reach milestones like 25k, 50k,100k etc. “who made the n post?”

We have a LOT of time to come to a consensus, but we better get it on the agenda as this progresses.

(just a thought) ;)

[BlondeCurlGirl]

1035!

[dadaist]

It's not that big a deal though.
Reply 999 (which is what we keep counting) was post 1000 for the thread.
etc etc.

#1035

[KingMinotaur]

Gee hon, how 'bout I say I love ya' , even more than I did before.. ?
Originally posted by LixyChick
I hope..........if no one is posting as I post......

off the subject.....contribution!

[dadaist]

THIS should be #1037. numbers all went off again.

[dadaist]

#1038. Editing prior posts. *sigh*

[KingMinotaur]

#1038 says damn skippy

[dadaist]

This one is now #1040.
My posts have all been corrected (again).

No tax form jokes, please.

[dadaist]

#1041

[Sharni]

#1042

[Steph]

1043

looks like we're back on track

dun na nuh der ner ner ner ner ner

(That's the 'Back in Black' guitar riff, in case anyone's confused!)

[Sharni]

#1044

[Steph]

1045

Why so quiet, Sharni? :)

[Sharni]

#1046....i'm always quiet :D

[Sharni]

#1047

[Sharni]

#1048

[lostintexas]

1049

TTT

-lost

[Sharni]

#1050

[Steph]

1051

Should I be silent, too and post only the numbers? Maybe I'll ask a moderator. What do you think, Sharniqua? :)

[Sharni]

#1052

No...keep chatting *L*....or not...what ever you prefer

[lostintexas]

1053

back to the top!

[Sharni]

#1054

[Cobalt]

#1055
Well I guess there isn't much I can say!

[Sharni]

#1056

[dicksbro]

#1057

[Sharni]

#1058

[Steph]

1059

off to bed soon. see you when I wake up, perhaps late afternoon (ugh, this is the main reason i hate the evening shift)

[Sharni]

#1060

Have a good night Steph...see ya next time

[dicksbro]

#1061 ... ain't this fun? :D

[Sharni]

#1062....ya think? *LOL*

[PantyFanatic]

1045
Why so quiet, Sharni?
#1046....i'm always quiet

I just love waking up to a comical thought. :D

“Morning darling:


[COUNT CONFIRMED-
Sharni \ #1062 \ 06:25]

[T-S]

this'll be 1,064 then

[PantyFanatic]

#1,065

Yaaaaaaah! :) We have the first 1,000 posts. Now we only have to do that 1,000 more times;)

[PantyFanatic]

# 1,066

Just a little something to think about this morning. ;)
THE COUNT?
http://www.pixies-place.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=276335#post276335
#1,034

[Sharni]

#1067

[dicksbro]

#1068

[Sharni]

#1069

[dicksbro]

#1070

[Sharni]

#1071

*Night DB....have fun :D...catchya tomorrow*

[dicksbro]

#1072

[dicksbro]

#1073 ... yippee!

[Slow Ride]

#1074....... are we there yet?

[Scarecrow]

Originally posted by lostintexas
i want to start a thread that has one million replies. you can post anything that you want, jokes, bad jokes, comments, porn, i dont care. i just want the post to incude the reply number. this is post 0, so the next post will be reply # 1.

post padding is legal in this thread and expected, have fun and no limits.

-lostintexas

PF in the original post it say the reply number not counting the original post

#1075

[jennaflower]

1076....

Teacher's Contract

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right.

You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their
every waking moment with a love for learning.

And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity,
modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem.

You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

My contract requires me to work on my own time after school and
evenings grading papers. Also, I must spend my summer vacation at my own expense, working toward advance certification and a Master's degree. And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training.

I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very
presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority.

And I am to pledge allegiance to family values and this current administration.

You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student. That includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a crime in school.

I am to make sure all students pass the state mandatory exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.

Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap.

And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter,
telephone, newsletter, and report card.

All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few
books, a bulletin board, and a big smile AND on a starting salary
that qualifies my family for food stamps!

You want me to do all of this and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?"

[MilkToast]

1077 - I wonder what this is going to do to the server's indexing algorithm if we actually hit a million....

[jennaflower]

1078...

Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Bathing consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children, last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it hence the saying "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs "thick straw" piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence, the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance hence, a "thresh hold."


In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving left overs in the pot to get cold over night and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Some times they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon
to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with their guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the
top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait to see if they would wake up, hence the custom of
holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out
in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth.¦ (Who said that History was boring)?

[MilkToast]

1079 -

Jenna, if I have to keep reading all the long posts, it's gonna be a while to a million... but please don't stop... this stuff is great!

[jennaflower]

1080...

One Pissed Off Wife

A wife came home just in time to find her husband in
bed with another woman.

With super-human strength borne of fury, she
dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the backyard and put his penis in a vise.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her
husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to."

[jennaflower]

1081....

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything" barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. He grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knee was broken and he had no health insurance.

God is good.

[jennaflower]

1082.....

The Bunny & The Snake

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls."

"I'd say you must be French."

[jennaflower]

1083..

Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work had been done for a year and I had failed to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go 'round and 'round. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this old lady. Even though I am a senior citizen and used to be blonde, doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid! I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year; that "in one year they would pay for themselves

[jennaflower]

1084...

Arkansas Survivor

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Arkansas is planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor-Arkansas Style."

The contestants will start in Conway, travel up to Bee Branch and on to Marshall and Harrison. Then they will head over to Mt. Home and down to Batesville and Newport. From there they will proceed on down to LA. (lower Arkansas for those of you who don't know what that means). Then back around through Hope, Hot Springs, and all the way up to Russellville and back over to Conway.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Yankee license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads: "I'm gay. I'm a vegetarian. Beer is harmful to your health. The Arkansas Razorbacks suck. Hillary in 2004. Deer hunting is murder , and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"

The first one that makes it back to Conway alive, wins. Good luck to all contestants!

[MilkToast]

--1085--

reply 1082 is most excellent...

[jennaflower]

1086...

This is better if you read it aloud....

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve
beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent,
bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

[jennaflower]

1087....

The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walks
out to the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands, and as
they walk, the Iraqi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I
have seen in America." President Bush replies, "Well, Mr. Ambassador,
anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Iraqi whispers, "My son
watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and
Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why
there are never any Arabs in 'Star Trek'." President Bush laughs, and leans
towards the Iraqi, and whispers back, "That's because it takes place in the
future..."

[jennaflower]

1088...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answer machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and threw the cat into the back yard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had thrown into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "he" always tries to eat the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.

The cat runs upstairs; the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and trying to piss on me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her into the backyard!!"

[MilkToast]

-- 1089 --

OK that last one was really funny, I'm actually laughing out loud!

[MilkToast]

damn! it's afternoon, I better go take a shower and get dressed...

1090

[jennaflower]

1091..


So glad I could add a laugh to your day MT... :)

here is another...


A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year old
son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your low-income asses in the train, cause we are going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bed room and resumed
playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She then hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just
boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

[jennaflower]

1092......

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN by George Carlin


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything, you don't work for!


I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. And if you are a citizen of the United States start speaking the language.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy butt through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my butt off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-heck-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, which branch of the Government he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.

Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your butt over if you're breaking the law.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents, a married man and woman.

And what the heck is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back!

[jennaflower]

1093....

MARRIAGE (PART I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want ... and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, golfing, boozing and card-playing whenever I want with my old buddies. and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not!"

MARRIAGE (PART II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last!'"


MARRIAGE (PART III)

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage, says, "And you are no good in bed
either," and storms out of the house. While driving to his
office he realizes he was nasty, decides to make amends and calls
his wife to apologize. After a great many rings she answers the
phone; the irritated husband asks, "What took you so long to
answer the phone?"

"I was in bed," she replies.

"In bed ... this late ... doing what?" he asks.

"Getting a second opinion, of course!" she explains.


MARRIAGE (PART IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
is so proud that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six," in
spite of her objections.

One night they attend a party. The man decides that it's time to
go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home,
Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts
right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

MARRIAGE (PART V)

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for a flight to Europe. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
tomorrow morning at 5:00 am." The next morning the man awoke,
only to discover it was 9:00 am, and that he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper lying on his pillow
... it said "It's 5:00 am, wake up!"

[jennaflower]

1094...

Lovely Wife?

A man comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The
pharmacist, trying to maintain a professional posture, asks, "For
what purpose, Sir?"

"I want to kill my wife," replies the man.

"I'm very sorry, Sir," the pharmacist says, "but surely you must
know that under such circumstances I cannot sell you Cyanide."

The man reaches into his wallet and produces a photo of his wife.

The pharmacist blushes and replies, "I am sorry, Sir. I didn't
realize you had a prescription.

[jennaflower]

1095..

Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

[jennaflower]

1096...

Three Labrador retrievers, a brown, yellow, and black were sitting in the
waiting room at the vet's office when they began a conversation.

The black Lab turned to the brown and said, "So, why are you here?"

The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything; the sofa, the
drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I
pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, "So, what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown Lab. "All the vets
are prescribing it. It works for everything."

He then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"

The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees; I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"Looks like Prozac for me, too," the dejected yellow Lab said.

The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Well, what are you
here for?"

"I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,
a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I
see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and she was
bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on
her back and I started humping away."

The yellow and brown Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Prozac for
you, too, huh?"

The black Lab said, "No, I'm just here to get my nails clipped."

[jennaflower]

1097....

Less Time

* It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

* It took less time to find evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

* It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick.


Now there's something to think about!!!

[jennaflower]

1098...

Life's Lessons"

Some lessons are easier to learn than others.

According to a news report, a certain private school in

Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A

number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick

and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but

after they put on their lipstick they would press their

lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the

next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the

principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there

with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip

prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who

had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the

mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls

how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled

squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror

with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators...

:)

[jennaflower]

1099..

and my email isn't even close to being empty yet.. geez... people must think I need to laugh huh? :)

[MilkToast]

1100.... :D

[LixyChick]

#1101

LMAO people!

[LixyChick]

#1102

I kinda like it without our fave positions listed over there

<---------------

It gives you a chance to ask......if you're actually interested!

[LixyChick]

#1103

Hey MilkToast?

[Cobalt]

1104
Looks like alot of people are changing there avitars lately

[LixyChick]

#1105

I change mine ocassionally.....to spice things up! LOL!

[Sharni]

#1106

[T-S]

Way hay #1107

[dicksbro]

#1108

[dadaist]

#1109

[Bilbo]

1110

[Scarecrow]

1111

[MilkToast]

Originally posted by LixyChick
#1103

Hey MilkToast?
Hey there...

--1112--

[MilkToast]

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

1113

[MilkToast]

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

1114

[MilkToast]

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

1115

[MilkToast]

--1116--

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

[MilkToast]

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

// 1117 \\

[MilkToast]

1118

You Know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

[MilkToast]

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

one thousand one hundred nineteen

[MilkToast]

eleven-twenty

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

[MilkToast]

1121

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

[LixyChick]

# 1,000,000

Just kidding.....Just kidding.......I'm practicing for when I really get to do that! TeeHee!

#1122

[Eliza]

1123..Just checking in..LMAO Jenna! Keep um comming!

Eliza

[MilkToast]

passing through again... 1124

[jennaflower]

1125.....

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died.

First woman - "I froze to death."

Second woman - "You froze to death - how horrible!"

First woman - "Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the
cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.

What about you?"

Second woman - "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV."

First woman - "So what happened?"

Second woman - "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere,
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched and down to the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with
a heart attack and died."

First woman - "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer - we'd both
sill be alive."

[Sharni]

#1126 (as i pass with the vacuum cleaner :D)

[Lost]

Umm, I'm Lost too.. where where am I?
#1127? oh, right

[Lilith]

1128
just getting here but please no housework

[Lost]

Inwas so lost I didnt even see ya there Lilith
1129

[jennaflower]

1130..

CHILD BIRTH.....

A married couple went to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch

[Lost]

1131 now.... oh wait, thats the number, not the time, lol

[jennaflower]

1132

One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he decided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said, "Well Mike, how's it all going?"

"How's it all going?" he asked. "My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids, I've lost two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my sport, most people want me banned me for life and they won't pay me my money. Nothing could make my life any worse."

"Oh, that's so sad," the prostitute said. "I'll say one thing to cheer you up. You're a much better lover than Magic Johnson!"

[MilkToast]

1133... not sure if any of these are really Andy Rooney, but at least they sound good :)

[MilkToast]

1134 -- Andy Rooney On Prisons

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles . I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

[MilkToast]

1135 -- Andy Rooney On Ads In Bills

Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You."

[MilkToast]

1136 -- Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

[Sharni]

#1137

[MilkToast]

1138 -- Andy Rooney On Morning Differences

Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

[MilkToast]

1139 -- Andy Rooney On Phone-In-Polls

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone."(Says Into Phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood".

[MilkToast]

1140 -- Andy Rooney On Grandma

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

[MilkToast]

1141 -- Andy Rooney On Answering Machines

Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'share the love.' Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling.... Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."

[MilkToast]

1142 -- So long and thanks for all the fish

[Sharni]

#1143

[Steph]

1144

[jennaflower]

1145........

[Sharni]

#1146

[skipthisone]

1147.....she dont eat meat but she sure likes the bone.....ROCK

[Sharni]

#1148

[lostintexas]

1149 checking in

[MilkToast]

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

1150

[Sharni]

#1151

[MilkToast]

1152

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

[MilkToast]

1153

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

[MilkToast]

1154

My girlfriend really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

[MilkToast]

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

1155

[MilkToast]

1156

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

[Sharni]

#1157

[MilkToast]

1158

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

[Sharni]

#1159

[MilkToast]

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

1160

[MilkToast]

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

1161

________________________________
BARBER:
I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing]
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.

MOUNTIES:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...

[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

[MilkToast]

1162 -- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

[MilkToast]

1163

{now this is a bad one - Toast}

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

[Sharni]

#1162

[MilkToast]

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

--1165--

[MilkToast]

1166

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

[MilkToast]

1167

{this one I really like :) - Toast}

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

[MilkToast]

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

1168

[MilkToast]

{Skipthisone probably came up with this one :D - Toast}

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

1169

[MilkToast]

1170

Without geometry, life is pointless.

[MilkToast]

{how about a Kodak moment}

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

1171

[Sharni]

#1172

[MilkToast]

1173
{words of wisdom}

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

[MilkToast]

{ouch}
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

1174

[MilkToast]

{Hamurabi would be proud}

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

1175

[MilkToast]

1176
{he he he}

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

[MilkToast]

Hi Sharni! :)

1177

[Sharni]

#1178

*L*...Hiya MilkToast

[MilkToast]

And now for some interesting and totally useless facts....

-Toast

1179

[MilkToast]

Coca-Cola was originally green.

1180

[MilkToast]

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

1181

[MilkToast]

Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments

1182

[LixyChick]

Originally posted by MilkToast
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
#1183

I wanted to be a carpenter.......but I just couldn't cope!

OMG! I know....I know! I'll smack myself....no need to all rush to do it!

[MilkToast]

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,

John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

1184

[MilkToast]

1185

Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
A. No theme song

[MilkToast]

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

--one thousand one hundred and eighty six--

[MilkToast]

1187

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?

A. All invented by women.

[jennaflower]

1188

Me thinks I need to open my email and find another funny

[MilkToast]

Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?

A. He was allergic to carrots.

1189

[MilkToast]

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

1190

[MilkToast]

{yeah, I stole the theme... sorry, I'm just not that original}

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

1191

[MilkToast]

{plus, at least someone might get a laught from this thread :) }

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden ... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

1192

[MilkToast]

1193

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."

[MilkToast]

OK... done with the "facts"... more likely factoids.

1194

[MilkToast]

{sorry to any Irish that might not like it, but it's beer related so it's getting posted} -- 1195

Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, Michael snarled: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

[MilkToast]

1196 {continuing the beer thread}


Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

[MilkToast]

1197

[jennaflower]

1198......

Hey MT... did you break into my email? LOL.. just kidding :)

[MilkToast]

1199 - nope, but I bet we get a lot of the same ones :)

[MilkToast]

1200.... only a few more to go...

[jennaflower]

1201............

[LixyChick]

#1202

That is if I don't have to edit again....lol!

[MilkToast]

1203 - sorry about that Lixy... I'll let Jenna take charge of the thread for a while :)

[Lost]

doubles checks Lixychick's....um EDIT, yeah, thats it
1204




*and does a quick edit himself*

[MilkToast]

stalled at 1205

[Lost]

attempts to kickstart at 1206

[MilkToast]

1207

BACHELOR:
1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.
3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

[MilkToast]

BRIDE:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

1208

[MilkToast]

COMPROMISE:
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

1209

[MilkToast]

DIPLOMAT:
a man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

1210

[MilkToast]

GENTLEMAN:
1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will
not fall while she paints the ceiling.
2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over
to her so that she can easily pick it up.

1211

[MilkToast]

HOUSEWORK:
What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

1212

[MilkToast]

HUSBAND:
1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.

1213

[MilkToast]

1214

LOVE:
An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

[MilkToast]

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

1215

[MilkToast]

SPOUSE:
Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

1216

[PantyFanatic]

#1217

It looks like we've had a hell of a good posting day. :D

[PantyFanatic]

Originally posted by MilkToast
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,

John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

1184

;)

#1218

[BlondeCurlGirl]

1219...I've learned such interesting things from this thread...I love odd trivia...

[Lost]

About 10% of the world's population is left-handed.
hrmm, didnt know I was such a minority bein left handed
1220

[Lost]

1221..America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men

[Lost]

1222....Catholic Popes who died during sex: Leo VII (936-9) died of a heart attack, John VII (955-64) was bludgeoned to death by the husband of the woman he was with at the time, John XIII (965-72) was also murdered by a jealous husband, Pope Paul II (1467-71) allegedly died while being sodomized by a page boy

[Lost]

1223...Humans are the only animals that copulate face to face

[Lost]

1224...Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte both suffered from epilepsy

[Lost]

1225...Julius Caesar, Martin Luther and Jonathan Swift all suffered from Ménièr's disease. It is a disorder of the hearing and balance senses causing hissing, roaring or whistling sounds to be perceived

[Lost]

1226....More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes

[Lost]

1227.....Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name

[Lost]

1228.....The kiss that is given by the bride to the groom at the end of the wedding ceremony originates from the earliest times when the couple would actually make love for the first time under the eyes of half the village!

hrmm, not sure if the changing of this custom is a good or a bad thing, lol

[Lost]

1229.....The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds



and now, back to the regularly scheduled program

[fzzy]

1230 Just stopping in to say hello again!

[Sharni]

#1231...home from work...YAY!!

[FussyPucker]

#1232 - Just got into work this morning and oooooo our office has been broken into.........musta been stupid people they left computer memory, hard drives, 750Mb Zip drive (still boxed) and all they took was one of the TWO Compaq iPaq PDAs, laptop and projector.

[Sharni]

#1233 ~ *LOL* bonus ya got dumb burglars

[FussyPucker]

#1234 - Damn right Sharni we've been trying to get a new projector for ages both it and the laptop were old and about to die !!! Now thanks to the naughty people we can finaly buy a new shiny one !

Was a bit of a bugger to find my desk and chair covered in glass this morning though...........infact it's still all over the floor.....bloody police haven't even been yet to look things over oh well we've all been working in here for just over an hour. I got a lovely 40mins break before I even started work LOL

[LixyChick]

#1235

Good Morning!

[Sharni]

#1236

Morning Lixy

[FussyPucker]

#1237 Morning ! I'm all set for the day now (started work at 8:30 it's almost 12 now) I've had my bacon sandwich and a chocolate bar yummy :)

[dicksbro]

#1238

[FussyPucker]

#1239 - More blonde jokes :D

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde roast a chicken for 3 1/2 dasy?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125

[dicksbro]

FP, you may be in trouble with our blond Pixies ... but the jokes were cute. LOL :D :D

#1240

[FussyPucker]

#1241 - ahhh don't worry I have a little something ready just incase any of our GORGEOUS blond ladies don't like the jokes ;)

[FussyPucker]

#1242 - and with that said time for MORE jokes !!!!

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: Why are blondes like pianos?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: Who cares?
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A1: "All the blondes have gone home!"
A2: Has that blonde gone yet?

[MilkToast]

1243 - checking in before going off to work...

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1244~Wow--lots of posts while I was gone. Took me 20 minutes to read through all the new ones! :)

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1245~Had a karaoke first over the weekend. Finally got up enough nerve to sing the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself." Woohoo! :D :p :D

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1246~Old asphalt roofing can be recycled for use as roadbed material.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1247~A round-top cloud with flattened base [cumulus] carries rainfall in its face.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1248~ In the Great Tri-State Tornado, which hit Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana in 1925, Joe Boston, a policeman in Murphysboro, Illinois, lost a bond for a deed that had been locked inside a safe in his home. The bond was sucked out of the safe and transported to the town of Lawrenceville, 125 miles northeast of Murphysboro. There it was found and returned to Boston by mail. About the same time, 130 miles away from Murphysboro in Robinson, one lucky farmer watched a $10 and a $20 bill drop right out of the sky, along with other articles that the tornado had swiped from Murphysboro.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

1249~When Elvis was two years old, reportedly, a tornado swept through his hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi, on April 5, 1936. The storm was devastating, destroying homes across the street from the Presleys', but they escaped unscathed. They say a Tupelo kitchen was blown, intact, to the town of Mooresville, seven miles away, and that the tornado sucked the feathers off Tupelo chickens. Tupelo lost 235 people in that tornado.