one million

[skipthisone]

750...Okay now you went and crossed the line...now you have to take me hard.

[Cheyanne]

751

*unties Lou........... laughs at Skip..........hands IKG and Lou a feather......*

Start tickling girls!!!!!!! ;)

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#752~Sounds kinky! :D :p :D Woohoo!

[dadaist]

#753

I'd really like to know who started the thing (apparently due to imdb) about Mel Blanc being allergic to carrots. He wasn't. Next person who says so I'm going to hit over the head with a copy of his autobiography.

Sorry to sound anal, but I just can't stand the spreading of misinformation.

[dadaist]

#754

And I've not had any coffee at all this morning, so bite me.

[dadaist]

#755

[dadaist]

#756

[dadaist]

#757

[dadaist]

#758

[dadaist]

#759

[dadaist]

#760

[dadaist]

#761

[dadaist]

#762

I think 10 in a row is enough.

[LixyChick]

#763

I never get to play Trivial Pursuit either. People round here don't like knowing shit....but I just tell them anyway. Like, what "the whole nine yards means".....*I read Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader"! TeeHee!

Can I play too?

[dadaist]

You could always get one of those handheld Trivial Pursuit games. If Hasbro still makes them.

#764

[LixyChick]

#765

I have a lot of handheld things dadaist.....I don't want to clog my hands with games! LOL!

[IAKaraokeGirl]

Originally posted by dadaist
#753

I'd really like to know who started the thing (apparently due to imdb) about Mel Blanc being allergic to carrots. He wasn't. Next person who says so I'm going to hit over the head with a copy of his autobiography.

Sorry to sound anal, but I just can't stand the spreading of misinformation.

#766

...which goes to prove, dadaist, that you can't believe everything you read, or everything on the internet. Now go get some coffee and put a smile on your face. :D

[LixyChick]

#767

Change your number IAKG! Oops!

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#768~Thanks, Lixy! Sometimes I can't keep up with this. :D

[dicksbro]

#769 ... fine!

[dadaist]

#770

Okay. But I'm still going to prove it.
Quoting from page 87, That's Not All Folks, paperback edition (December 1989, after his death), by Mel Blanc and Philip Bashe:


"What's up Doc?" became the most famous ad-lib of my career. It was incomplete, however, without the sound of the rabbit nibbling on a carrot, which presented problems. First of all, I don't especially like carrots, at least not raw. And second, I found it impossible to chew, swallow, and be ready to say my next line. We tried substituting other vegetables, including apples and celery, but with unsatisfactory results. The solution was to stop recording so that I could spit out the carrot into a wastebasket and then proceed with the script. In the course of a recording session I usually went through enough carrots to fill several.
Bugs Bunny did for carrots what Popeye the Sailor did for spinach. How many lip-locked, head-swiveling children were coerced into eating their carrots by mothers cooing, "...but Bugs Bunny eats his carrots." If only they had known.

[dadaist]

#771

[LixyChick]

#772

NP IAKG....I rarely keep up either! LOL!

[dadaist]

#773

[dicksbro]

#774

[dicksbro]

#775

[dadaist]

#776

[dadaist]

#777

[LixyChick]

#778

Hands dadaist the dice!

[dadaist]

What do I need dice for?
dice.com maybe :P

#779

[LixyChick]

#780

Wonders if that number is significant to anyone?

[dadaist]

#781

WBBM-AM Employees and listeners perhaps. :P

Most of the 3 digit numbers that are of any importance around here are gone, except one.

#224 (overlay)
#630 (DuPage and most of Kane County)
#773 (Chicago outside the Loop area)
#708 (western and southern Cook)
#312 (Chicago Loop)

That leaves

#847 (northwest Cook and Lake)
#815 (surrounding area)

[dadaist]

#782

[dadaist]

#783

Back before they were simply 3 digit "prefixes", 782 and 783 were SUnset-2 and SUnset 3 in Fort Smith, AR.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#784~In July of '84, I attended my second year of band camp at Morehead State University. ;)

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#785

From the Old Farmer's Almanac, this week:


Full Flower Moon, May 15

On May 15, 1940, women queued up for hours before stores opened, just to be sure of getting their share of a new women's-wear commodity -- nylon stockings. Thanks to public relations fanfare (exaggerated claims that a pair of stockings would "last forever") and limited stock, hosiery departments were stampeded and near-riots broke out. By the end of the year, 36 million pairs of stockings made with the new miracle fiber had been sold. Silk stockings became obsolete, and the term stockings itself fell into disuse. Instead, women called them simply "nylons."

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#786~ Soak mildew stains in lemon juice, and bleach in the sun.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#787~The flowers of the dandelion and daisy close before rain.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#788~For May:

New Moon: 1st day, 8th hour, 15th minute
First Quarter: 9th day, 7th hour, 53rd minute
Full Moon: 15th day, 23rd hour, 36th minute
Last Quarter: 22nd day, 20th hour, 31st minute
New Moon: 31st day, 0 hour, 20th minute

[Ando3]

#789

umm.. they are like in order or something?

[dicksbro]

#790

[Sugarsprinkles]

Originally posted by Cheyanne
IAG, when we start playing Trivial Pursuit, I want you and SugarSprinkles on my team.... :D


#791

Works for me! I LOVE Trivial Pursuit and no one will play it with me!!!

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#792

I wonder how many amateur meteorologists we'll have now. ;)


http://www.almanac.com/weathercenter/pigspleen.html

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#793~During the Middle Ages, aristocrats often favored silver chopsticks since it was thought that silver would turn color if it came into contact with poison.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#794~First college in the United States: Harvard, founded 1636 (and tuition has increased ever since)

[FussyPucker]

#795 - If I wanna know what the weather is like I stick my head out the window

[IAKaraokeGirl]

#796~ Some names for Santa around the world:

Belgium~Pere Noel
Brazil~Papai Noel
Chile~Viejo Pascuero (“Old Man Christmas”)
China~Dun Che Lao Ren (“Christmas Old Man”)
France~Pere Noel
Germany~Weihnachtsmann (“Christmas Man”)
Hawaii~Kanakaloka
Hungary~Mikulas (St. Nicholas)
Italy~Babbo Natale
Japan~Hoteiosho (a god or priest who bears gifts)
Norway~Julenissen (“Christmas gnome”)
Poland~Swiety Mikolaj (St. Nicholas)
Russia~Ded Moroz (“Grandfather Frost”)
Sweden~Jultomten (“Christmas brownie”)
United Kingdom~Father Christmas

[IAKaraokeGirl]

Originally posted by FussyPucker
#795 - If I wanna know what the weather is like I stick my head out the window

#797~Yep, Fussy, that would be the quick way to do it. :D

[Sharni]

#798

[dicksbro]

#799

[Sharni]

#800

[PantyFanatic]

#801

Originally posted by IAKaraokeGirl
#785
.....Silk stockings became obsolete, and the term stockings itself fell into disuse. ...

:( :( :(

[dicksbro]

#802

[Eliza]

Originally posted by IAKaraokeGirl
#784~In July of '84, I attended my second year of band camp at Morehead State University. ;)



One time..at band camp....

Morehead University???


#803


Eliza

[Eliza]

Sorry IAKG...no one else went there...so I had to.

Eliza

#804

[Eliza]

#805......How are we doing PF??? Are we on schedule?

Eliza

[dicksbro]

#806

[Scarecrow]

#807 here is one more

[Sharni]

#808

[Scarecrow]

#809

[lostintexas]

810 just back from dallas, had a blast

-lost

[LixyChick]

#811

Speaking of colleges.......Had a college round these parts called Beaver College.

They just recently changed the name (never bothered to find out to what) because of the sexual connotations. It had been Beaver forever........all of a sudden it's got sexual connotations? Geezzz....I hate uptight people!

[Scarecrow]

#811 still behind(below) Lixy

[LixyChick]

#813........

If that's so Scarecrow.....why's your number right on top of mine?

[Sharni]

#814

[Scarecrow]

#815 Gee Lixy you sure get around


LOL

[Scarecrow]

"If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then sell the lemonade and use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice." - Tim Boss

#816

[Scarecrow]

"If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people." ?


#817

[Scarecrow]

"Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else." - ?


#818

[Sharni]

#819

[Scarecrow]

"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real." - Tupak Shakur


#820

[Sharni]

#821

[PantyFanatic]

#822

OK kiddies. To Review::D

This thread was started (by somebody that has just got back from Dallis, who hasn’t posted shit to it, and had better get his ass back and read EVERY post;) ) on 9 May 2003, 23:35 hr (local EDT). Based on the initial posts made that day, I came up with the number 92.3 posts per day would be the average. We than extended the numbers to calculate a completion time of 33 years, 10 months and 24 days.:rolleyes:



(more to come):)

[Steph]

833

I was wondering where our thread starter had disappeared! Welcome back!

[lostintexas]

#824 if no one posts before me

This thread was started (by somebody that has just got back from Dallis, who hasn’t posted shit to it, and had better get his ass back and read EVERY post )



i had to go to a tech school in dallas. i have been trying to catchup but my "inbox" is full of messages from "pixies" that i have a "new" post to a tthread that i started.

so i am catching up as fast as i can, but i am not a spead reader by any means.

now, back to your regular scheduled thread.

-lost

[Sharni]

#825

[PantyFanatic]

#826


Because we are dealing with different times and even dates for all our members, I will calculations and reports on the “Day Number”. :)

Due to the fact that I can not post a graph here, pay attention!:D LOL

The first day (Day 1) we ended up with 71 posts to the thread.
That left us short 21 posts.

Day 2- Needed another 92 and a total of 184 posts.
We ended with 80 for the day and with 151 total.
That made us short 21 and 12 for Day 2, a total of 33 short.

Day 3- Total of 277 needed, with 281 being posted.
That was 130 for the day.
That picked up the 33 short and left 4 more than needed.

Day 4- 369 needed \ 417 posted
That left us 48 posts ahead.

Day 5- 462 needed \ 577 posted (115 posts ahead)

Day 6- 554 needed \ 682 posted* (+ 128 posts)

Day 7- 646 \ 821* (+175)


You can see that we picked up posts per day as the week went on. As the first daily quota was calculated from a very small sampling:eek: (24 total post in the first 375 minutes), I can review what was actually posted and give us the average that was posted per day.

[Sharni]

#827

Ya lost me *LOL*

[lostintexas]

no i am lost. hehe

recap
page 5 - Can anyone tell me what kind of flower this is????

a blue bonnet, there were not out alot this year, not enouph rain.


page 13 - lostintexas.... where are you?

i was in school in dallas for a week learning the new color printer line for the company that i work for. laser color is so cool!



-lost

[Sharni]

#829

[Sharni]

Originally posted by Sugarsprinkles
#65


Can anyone tell me what kind of flower this is????
They look a bit like Grape Hyacinths(There will be a bulb if it is)...but dunno for sure though

[txgrneyes]

831


Aren't they just so pretty?

[lostintexas]

its a blue bonnet

the state flower of texas. i thought it was a personal jab, but they may just be asking an actual question? i dunno.

it is a blue bonnet though.

-lost #832

They look a bit like Grape Hyacinths(There will be a bulb if it is

it may be the "technical term" but the laymen in texas call it a bonnet.

[PantyFanatic]

Being lost in Texas is no excuse lostintexas.:mad:

Either is going to school and learning something that will better your life forever instead of keeping up with Pixies. Let’s get our priorities straight!:)

And you may want to go to [USER CP] at the top of the page, select [Edit Options], go down to -Messaging & Notification-, and in the “Use 'Email Notification' by default?”, check the NO box.;)

#833


In the first full week of posts we had a total of 821 with an average of 117 posts per day. That means 1,000,000 (10 ^6) posts can be made in 8,547 days at that rate. That is 23 years, 5 months even. We have just chopped 10 years off the initial projection. We can do this by October 17th, 2026.:rolleyes: LMFAO

[lostintexas]

#833

Q: How do blonde brain-cells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a shower and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O


keep going that was funny. not an insult to the blonde population of the forum. he he he he , that was funny page 25 by the way as i "read all the posts as requested" still lmao

[lostintexas]

- The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated


personal research? i have never gotten ants drunk?

anohter point that needs more research produced.

lmao

-lost

[lostintexas]

If you want more jokes than that you'll have to visit my website and read all 60 something pages of them

the 80+ pages here are going to keep me busy most of the day/night.

-lost #835

[lostintexas]

837 some how i got off?

-lost

[lostintexas]

Either is going to school and learning something that will better your life forever instead of keeping up with Pixies. Let’s get our priorities straight!

yes it will and i had a blast.

thanks for the info on the email notification, i will be turning that off, my inbox is "FULL"

there has to be a way we can knock it down to 10 years, we need more members!

i am still reading the 80+ pages.

-lost #838

[lostintexas]

#839

And you may want to go to [USER CP] at the top of the page, select [Edit Options], go down to -Messaging & Notification-, and in the “Use 'Email Notification' by default?”, check the NO box.

my inbox and and cox thank you.

-lost (i gave up reading all the posts on about page 33 thanks all for the support , i will read them at a later date)

edit : sounded like an ass, fixed and thanks again. keep on posting

[lostintexas]

#840

runs the liux operating system
40 gig drive
768 meg sdram standard
1200/600 resolution
24 bit color
dual processor, risc chips 833 mhz

this is what i went to school on y'all..

it is such a cool printer, check it out if this link works..

http://www.usa.canon.com/html/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?section=10047&item=8983&t=10001&m=10044&edpsc001_icanon_ses=j%3DIBE%3A1009%3AIBEGUEST%3AUS%3A%3AUSD%3ADD-MON-RRRR%3AJTFUCSS.CSS%3Ajtfpfalse%3Ajtfpi-1%3A671%3A22372%3A17552501%7Eedpsc001_icanon%3D85D207FCF6BDBDA6444EBDE2C7DDD6F6%7Ezs%3Df%7Ezp%3D1021%7Ezo%3D22%7Ezm%3D10000%7Eza%3D1021


edit : link works
-lost (why i was not posting?)

[Sharni]

#841

[LixyChick]

#842

Sooooo.....lostintexas.....do tell........

How in the world will fulfilling this quest of one million posts to a thread (if it ever happens and should you still be around then) ever make sense in your life? To what end will this means contribute?

[LixyChick]

#843

Oh..and BTW....in your user cp....you can change the number of posts that you see per page too! Everyone is different unless you go by default. So when you tell us page ...uh....33, for example.....I might not have a page 33. Just a little 411 hun!

[lostintexas]

How in the world will fulfilling this quest of one million posts to a thread (if it ever happens and should you still be around then) ever make sense in your life? To what end will this means contribute?

i started and have a post with 1 million posts, who can claim that?
its just a dream i guess, a goal to overcome......

844



-lostOh..and BTW....in your user cp....you can change the number of posts that you see per page too! Everyone is different unless you go by default. So when you tell us page ...uh....33, for example.....I might not have a page 33. Just a little 411 hun!

i just thought that most people here were not hackers, nor programmers and left most of it as default? am i wrong>

-lost

[lostintexas]

disregaurg the previaous post it was a mistake at the hands of a end user.........



if it ever happens and should you still be around then

i know that there are others that have more control than i do. but when they take me from this world it will be kicking,screaming and throwing shit. "I" will not ge easy and will not give up.

in 25 years i will be 58 and i will still be horny.

any more questions for the host?

-mike #844

[Cheyanne]

#846

*Just realized that she left Skip tied up about sooooooooooo many posts ago*

[lostintexas]

How in the world will fulfilling this quest of one million posts to a thread

the highest post to date (not on this forum) was a little over 116,000 posts. i want one million. i want the record. i want to say to my friends that i have the highest post count on any thread on the internet 846

[Steph]

847

I hope Skip's OK!

[Steph]

848

Now, now, lostintexas, let's not make this all about beating other people! Let's just try and see if it can be done.

I suggest you give your friends the link to this thread and see if they can add to it.

[Steph]

849

Even if I lived in a mansion, I KNOW I'd be able to hear my big ol' Lab drinking from his bowl.

[PantyFanatic]

in 25 years i will be 58 and i will still be horny. LMFAO! :D
:DI can almost guarantee it!!!!!:D (if somebody doesn't kill you for starting shit like this tread;) )

[LixyChick]

#852

Just curious........it's my nature!

[Steph]

852

This is my last glass of wine. I have the wickedest hiccups and I have one more day of work before my weekend starts.

I have to go canvassing for a political party for a few hours. A bit of exercise and I'm sure we'll face some reaction.

Did I mention this Zinfandel rocks?

[LixyChick]

#854

LMAO Steph.....that #890 proves it's your last glass of wine hun! OMG! Too funny!

*EDIT* Now seriously folks.....she had #890 up.....she knows where the edit button is too! I swear...I ain't even drinkin!

[PantyFanatic]

...i want to say to my friends that i have the highest post count on any thread on the internet...

I think I've counted about 20 of YOUR posts towards this? :rolleyes:

[LixyChick]

#856

I think I can hear skip.....but it's very faint....shall we go look for him?

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! LOL!

[lostintexas]

I think I've counted about 20 of YOUR posts towards this

i just got back, give me chance. but then 95% of my posts have been in this thread.

-lost #856

[Sharni]

#857

[LixyChick]

#859

Sorry Steph........(to above comment)

I had been drinking earlier......TeeHee!

[lostintexas]

859

[Sharni]

#861

We've gone skewiff here somewhere

[PantyFanatic]

... i want one million. i want the record. i want to say to my friends that i have the highest post count on any thread on the internet

Can I buy a vowel lostintexas?:cool:

[LixyChick]

#863

Fixed mine Shar....but everyone else has to fix their own

LMAO to the skewiff thing! Never heard that one! I think I can tell what it means though! Too funny!

[lostintexas]

skewed is ok as long as it is within spec. i have been going with the reply on the main page anyway, every time i post there is some one before and an edit. have at it and have fun.

#864

[Sharni]

#865

PF~You were gonna tell me something :D

[LixyChick]

#866

Can't wait to hear this!

Oh wait....maybe I won't get to......hmmmm...that's possible!

[LixyChick]

#867

More than possible! Definite! I'm going to bed! Nite all! *hugs*

[lostintexas]

868

Can I buy a vowel lostintexas

let me rephrase that into a "we"! we have the power for a record. it is just a goal and an idea to get people talking. you had no idea who lost was weeks ago, well you still dont, but "we" want to get to one million!


lmo

[lostintexas]

869 and "I" am lost

[lostintexas]

that was a joke. laughp? maybe 880

[Sharni]

#871

[LixyChick]

#872

Skewiffed again I see.....LOL!

[LixyChick]

#873

Oops! I was going to bed!

Fix those numbers up there guys! LOL!

[dicksbro]

#874

[dicksbro]

#875

[GermanSteve]

#879

You
who?
you!
me?
yes!
what?
are you a jerk?
who?
you!
me?
yes.
no.

[dicksbro]

Hey, GS, think your 879 should have been 876 and this one is #877. Correct me if I'm wrong. :)

[dicksbro]

#878

[dicksbro]

Now we can do ...

#879

[dicksbro]

You know, if we did 2 posts a minute, we could be done in 348 days. :D

#880

[T-S]

#881

nothing to say

[jseal]

#882

dicksbro,

Old bean, the chances we ge to 10 ^ 6 are just about zip. But it is fun trying.

[PantyFanatic]

Originally posted by dicksbro
You know, if we did 2 posts a minute, we could be done in 348 days. :D

#880

You are right DB.:D And to do this in less than a year, we'd have to post 2,880 per day. :)

[rabbit]

#884

...glad I am not the pixie's DBA!!!!!! :D


rabbit

[Scarecrow]

OK lets see, we have 284 members with over 2 hundred posts a peice, if half of them(142) would post 21 times a day to this thread we could do this in less than a year. That does not seem so hard.:D

#885

[Lilith]

886

morning lovies!

[Kimberly73]

887

Morning!

[Scarecrow]

#888

no thanks I just 8

morning

[Scarecrow]

#889

We're not going very far very fast.

So everyone who stops by just say hello.


an a 1, an a 2 .....

[Cheyanne]

#890

*Starts a search party for our dear friend skip.............*

[dicksbro]

#891. Howdy, folks.

[Cheyanne]

Originally posted by Cheyanne
#748

Kissing????? Where???????

*Grabs Skip and ties him down next to Lou*

#892

FOUND HIM!!!! LOL

*giggles as she unties Skip*

[jennaflower]

#893

Just some info.

8 days 893 posts = average 111.625 posts per day

going by that it will take approx 8958.66 days to reach one millon

8958.66 days equals 24.54 years..

which means our grandchildren might be responsible for reaching the goal.. LOL

[lostintexas]

sometimes its the journy and not the goal that is special.

-lost

[Steph]

895

It's my Friday! I don't want to work. Poor me!

[jennaflower]

896

I don't envy you Steph... If I could figure out a way to make everyday a Saturday I would :)

[dicksbro]

Retirement is nice, jenna. :D

#897

[dicksbro]

#898 .. okay let's get to 900 and not mess around anymore :D

[dicksbro]

#899

[dicksbro]

900

Isn't that neat?

[Sharni]

#901

[GermanSteve]

#902

Dicksbro, you have been right. ;)

[dicksbro]

#903 ... hey, gs, good to see you!

[Eliza]

#904...Hello All!

[Eliza]

#905...Last time I checked my calendar, I'd swear it was springtime....why is it so cold???


Eliza

[Sharni]

#906

[Sharni]

#907

[Eliza]

#908
<-------so cold...poking computer screen w/ nipples.

Eliza

[Eliza]

#909.

[Sharni]

#910

[email protected] thats cold :D:D

[BIBI]

nine hundred and eleven

[Sharni]

#912

[Sharni]

#913

[MilkToast]

I can't believe I am participating in this.... :)

...914...

[Eliza]

#915...Blame it on the giraffe

" I don't wanta grow up...."

[Eliza]

#916...

"....I'm a toys r us kid..."

[Eliza]

#917

"....there's a million toys at toys r us that I ....."

[Eliza]

#918 .pausing in mid song...an idea...an adult toys r us!...imagine the possibilities!


"can play with"...

[Eliza]

#919
...."from bikes to trains to video games...it's the biggest toy store there is...."


Imagine Geoffrey dressed up in a leather outfit...maybe with a hood...

[fzzy]

#920 Me again ... wow getting close to 1,000 .... that's pretty impressive!

[Eliza]

#921
"I don't want to grow up...cuz baby if I did...."

[Eliza]

#922
"I couldn't be a toys r us kid!"


Yep I could see it now...AND!!! We could feature the slippery dip as an added attraction!!!!

[Eliza]

#923
Hi fzzy!

[Scarecrow]

#924 just stopped by to say hello

Hello

[Kendall]

#925

started 5-9-2003 0
present 5-17-2003 925

8 days is to 925 as x days is to 1,000,000

8/925 = x/1,000,000

or x = (8 * 1,000,000)/925

x = 8648.65

It will take about 8648 days beyond 5-9-2003
to do a million at the present rate.

This is 26.69 years.. approximately


.. This will never happen..

Kendall

[Lilith]

926


never say never

[Scarecrow]

927

we try harder

[Sharni]

#928

[jennaflower]

929

[jennaflower]

930

[jennaflower]

931

[jennaflower]

932....

Saturday nite... and here I am...

[jennaflower]

933....

On the thread that will never end.. ;)

[jennaflower]

934...

In an attempt to amuse...

[jennaflower]

935...

I shall post a joke.. or two...

[jennaflower]

936...

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.......

[jennaflower]

937...

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

[jennaflower]

938....

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

........

[jennaflower]

939....

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch."

[jennaflower]

940...

:)

took me 5 damn minutes to post that punch line.. damn dial-up.. URGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[jennaflower]

941...

Interested in another one?

[jennaflower]

942

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them.

[jennaflower]

943...

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!"

[jennaflower]

944...

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN! Use big people words."

...................

[jennaflower]

945...

She then asked Ron what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Ron thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said,..... "Winnie the SHIT."


hehehehe...

[jennaflower]

946...

You know.. this could almost be pitiful... home alone on a Saturday nite.. telling jokes to people who aren't even here.. LOL...

[jennaflower]

947..

I was thinking... we really should have done this thread in the reverse order.. starting at 1,000,000 and working our way down... would have been a great attempt at 1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall... LOL

[jennaflower]

948...

so I have posted my two jokes.. as threatened... now what?

[jennaflower]

949..

Luckily for all of you... I don't have the ability to make sound files.. I could always sing to ya.. that would really make this thread a longggggggggg ordeal huh? ;)

[Sharni]

#950

[jennaflower]

951...

And NOOOOOO...... before you even ask... I am not Drunk.. LOL... haven't had a drop... just like to see myself type.. LOL

[jennaflower]

952...

How about some more jokes?

tho out of fear of people missing the punch line.. I will keep the entire joke in one post... don't worry.. no need to thank me. LOL :)

(damn.. I am obnoxiously full of myself tonight huh?)

[jennaflower]

953...

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged English woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog I need that seat."

The English woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, "You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there, I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

[jennaflower]

954.......

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

[jennaflower]

955......

FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHINGJOKES

How many men does it take toopen a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she bringsit.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a reallybad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washingmachine will probably never be able to supportyou.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smallerfeet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them tostand closer to the kitchensink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when awoman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "Aman once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do youfix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on theoven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind morethan women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the requiredpressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barkingat the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let infirst?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let himin.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a MaleChauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she'stold.
---------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I justdidn't know her first name wasAlways.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to mywife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupther.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered afood that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a WeddingCake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ringcircus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was myfault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said,"Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, Godcreated the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God createdWoman. Since then, neither God nor Man hasrested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die beforetheir wives? They want to.
----------------------------------------
Abeggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "Ihaven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish Ihad your willpower."
----------------------------------------
Young Son:"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know hiswife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country,son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted anadvertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received ahundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can havemine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way toremember your wife's birthday is to forget itonce.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equalto men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, andstill think they are beautiful.

----------

[jennaflower]

956........

WOMAN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
I'msorry = You'll be sorry...
We need = I want.
It's your decision = Thecorrect decision should be obvious by now.
Do what ever you want = You'll payfor this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = Idon't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You'reso manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.
This kitchen is soinconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, andfurniture, and wallpaper.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almostasleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
Howmuch do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.
I'll beready in a minute = I'll be ages but do NOT put the TV back on.
You have tolearn to communicate = Just agree with me.


MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'mhungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Doyou want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can Itake you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can Icall you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I havethis dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nicecleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondleyou.
What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is itnow?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I'm bored= Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
I love you,too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
Yes, I like the way you cut yourhair = I liked it better before.
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing youI am a deep guy then, ...maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make itillegal for you to have sex withothers.

[jennaflower]

957....

COWS AND POLITICS

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd! of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You print "WE SURRENDER" on both. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and! learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th five year plan in the last three months. The Mafia shows up and takes over
however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a U. S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA POLITICS: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK POLITICS: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

[jennaflower]

958...

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, the little old lady hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old) but very delicately asks what brand would she prefer.

"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel!"

[jennaflower]

959....

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on my porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No,but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No,I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No,I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why,Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and
said to him..."Take me ...young man...Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" ...And that's when I shot the little bastard!!!

[jennaflower]

960...

GOOD NEWS! Canada has offered to help the U.S. in the war on terrorism! They have pledged 2
battleships, 6000 troops and 10 fighter jets.





BAD NEWS! With the current exchange rate, that comes out to 2 canoes, a Mountie and a couple of flying squirrels.

[Sharni]

#961

Damn ya gotta be quick in here

[jennaflower]

962

A SOUTHERN SUICIDE STORY . . .
A very prim and proper Southern lady was driving across the Cooper River Bridge in Charleston, SC, one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man standing near the edge of the bridge getting ready to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down her window and said "Please don't jump, think of your Mom and Dad".

He replied "My Mom and Dad are both dead, I'm gonna jump".

She said "Well think of your wife and kids".

He replied "I'm not married and don't have any kids".

She said " Well, think of Robert E. Lee".

He replied, " Who is Robert E. Lee?"

She replied, "Well, just go ahead and jump then, you damn Yankee!"

[jennaflower]

963...

Sharni... would you like me to stop??? :)

It appears you may be the only one readin.... LOL

[jennaflower]

964

Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we had sex, don't you agree?" The old woman agrees and the two make love that afternoon. Afterward, as they are lying in bed, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I had known that she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle!"


Meanwhile, the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I had known that the old geezer could really get it up, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

[jennaflower]

965....

Jesse Jackson is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes.


They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.


The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."


One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."


"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson," that would be an accident."


A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."


"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."


The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.


Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"


Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a jet carrying the Rev. & Mrs. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."


"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"


"Well," says the boy, "because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[jennaflower]

966....

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself.


I don't f@#$ing think so.

[jennaflower]

967....

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Madam, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."

The priest replied... "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady said.... "Oh, $20,000 a week."

The Priest was amazed... "Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is a very honorable profession. The priest says. Where does he practice?"

The old lady says proudly...."Well, he has one cat house in Las Vegas and another in Reno."

[Sharni]

#968...nope go for it Jenna

I have an edit button *LOL*

[jennaflower]

969...

A kid from Texas applied for a job at a big store . The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales.

How much was the sale for?"

Kid says, "$201,237.64."

Boss says, "$201,237.64? What did you sell him?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook .Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that big Cadillac 4X4
Pickup."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

[Lilith]

970

night lovies!

[PantyFanatic]

LMAO-:)

#971

Sharni is not the only one reading these.

(I love the American on the English train):D

[jennaflower]

972..........

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is
drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"


The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean..."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

[jennaflower]

973...

Thanks PF.. glad you like them... I am spending my evening empting my email... :)

[MilkToast]

974 - some random quotes that I like will now follow...

[MilkToast]

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

975

[MilkToast]

Love is the distance between reality and pain. -- Robin Hitchcock

976

[MilkToast]

977...

"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers." -- Voltaire

[MilkToast]

...978...

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

[PantyFanatic]

#978

Like your new avatar MT;)

[MilkToast]

thanks PF...

PSE edit the post above to be "979"

this one is 980

[MilkToast]

"I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example." -- Mario Cuomo

~~~981~~~

Lixy, if you can edit below to be 982 and we should be back on track...

[LixyChick]

#981
Adjust the numba's!

[MilkToast]

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln

983

[MilkToast]

984...

[jennaflower]

985...

TOP 10 THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is, buddy ... where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is, dipshit? I didn't think so.

2. The Pillsbury Doughboy is way too happy, considering that
he doesn't have a dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire
room for the damn TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change it manually.

4. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Back off, spanky. What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't eat it? What should I do ... eat someone else's piece of cake instead? Selfish prick.

5. When people say, "It's always the last place you look." No shit, Sherlock. Why the hell would you keep looking for it after you've already found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Why aren't they in treatment?

6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?"
No, dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the
ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give
me a choice there, did ya buddy?

8. When something is "New &Improved". Which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast
you were going. You should know, asshole, you're the one that pulled me over.

And here's the tenth thing that really bugs me:

10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that by annoying other people with stupid mail with no meaning, that you will be granted a wish, or make your long-lost love fall into your arms, or have your significant other perform oral sex on demand. It's all bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid chain letter that the computer gods are going to curse me. Oh, the terror and horror. What a crock of shit.


(I have myself covered tho posting it here) :)

[MilkToast]

[edit] all fixed now...

that makes this post "986"....

[PantyFanatic]

HOLD the post for a sec! please

want to check the count
we should have No 1 K be correct

#986

[jennaflower]

988... my post at 985 was correct (been doing this straight for an hour now)

[PantyFanatic]

#991


My posts was listed as #987

Plus the one that started the thread mad it No. 988

(double check by counting from the one I aske to hold at. That was #988)

[jennaflower]

As per the main thread listing.. milk toast's post above me was the 990 th reply...

which makes this

991

[Sharni]

#992

[dadaist]

#992
I see the race is on for #1000

[jennaflower]

995.. ROFLMAO

[dadaist]

#994

[PantyFanatic]

#997


You have to add one (1) for the begining of creating a post.



We going to let one of the ladies make 1k MT?

[dadaist]

#996

[dadaist]

#997

[jennaflower]

1000

nope.. don't add one..

original post requested 1000000 replies.. not counting the original post..

ROFLMAO.. actually it is MINE :)

[MilkToast]

edit: 1000 is mine... maybe.... too much confusion...

this is actually reply 999... darn!