a funny picture

[Oldfart]

Scotzoidman

Devilish clever wot!

She can't say yes with her mouth full yet

needs to say yes to get the diamond.

Brilliant.

[Lovediva]

Nothing like telling the whole world what you do on a first date!!:D

[Lovediva]

Horseback riding anyone???? :D

[scotzoidman]

Now Hollywood has gone too far!

[KIWI]

a few i was sent today

[KIWI]

next

[KIWI]

and again

[KIWI]

for the horny women

[KIWI]

dangerous sex

[KIWI]

last couple

[KIWI]

first date

[KIWI]

picking apples....New Zealand style

[wolfspirit]

Kiwi!!!! Some of these are just too funny.........keeping me laughing.:D :D :D :D :D :D

[scotzoidman]

good parking space

[Oldfart]

Not really funny, but.

A number assigned supposedly to one of the planes
was Q33NY. I am suspicious.

In MS Word, type in Q33NY, enlarge font size to 26,
change font to Wingdings. There are three Wingding
fonts. You'll know when you've got it right.

As I said, spooky.

[Oldfart]

I've checked the registration numbers, flight numbers
and manufacturer's numbers and cannot find Q33NY.

Somebody's inventing an urban myth.

To make up for that, try this.

How it really feels with your ass in the air.

[RipCord]

BIRDS AND THE BEES...

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about
the birds and bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.
"Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech.

At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech.

When I Was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll
have nothing left to live for."

[bogeyman]

Hey all.. LoveDiva asked me to post this for her.. as for her boycotting reason... ;)

From Diva:

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, she demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked,"I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

Thank you.
__________________
LoveDiva

[Oldfart]

Found this elsewhere.

Caught my fancy.

[scotzoidman]

Truth in Advertising?

[wolfspirit]

This Coop's mail list I am on, sure has some funny ones......LOL

[wolfspirit]

This one just cracked me up.........ROFLMAO:D :D :D :D

[scotzoidman]

let it snow!!!!

[David]

I realize that the snow is not flying yet, however I thought that this was to good to pass up.

[David]

Keep your first date formal.

[David]

Hallowen is coming! Here is a suggested custume that is sure to get you all the pussy you can handle.

[David]

On the same line of thinking, here is another costume for you.

[wolfspirit]

Here ya go :whiteghos

[Oldfart]

Your turn for Hall Monitor?

Don't think I've posted this before.

[Lovediva]

This one is just toooooo true!!!!!!!! :D

[Lovediva]

Since I have been a member here, I have always said it's not the size of the cock it's how active it is....

Anyone have one just as active like this one :D????

[Lovediva]

From a 50 something male friend:

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I
decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl. But, she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So, I decided that I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 30, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on one thing. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great
fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to
find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 41, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 55 and looking for a girl with very big tits. :D

[Lovediva]

Now I know why men enjoy fishing so much!!! :D

[Oldfart]

Diva

Truth is a sad thing.

I got my girl with big tits at 45

[m45]

Ya Diva that is it!
I love to fish, drink beer and get head!

[Lovediva]

Oldfart...you just made my morning!!!! LOL You are simply too much!!!


And M45.... I love going fishing!! Never know what type of worm I will use!!!!! :) :D

[Prophet Reality]

Anyone have one just as active like this one :D???? [/B]

Welll Diva... I know you could make mine that active and more!!!!

[Lovediva]

MORE????? OMG!! This I gotta see!!!! ;) :D

[TDK]

i dont know if ppl here would liek this one but here goes

[Lovediva]

Can anyone guess what sperm think about on their journey???? :D

[RipCord]

ROTFLMAO DIVA!!

Self sex!!

Yes sir..I think most of us men here at Pixies do that alot!

[SensualLove]

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first
man presses his forearm and the beeping stops.
The others look at him curiously.

"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip
under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The second
man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes
he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."

The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps
out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with
a piece of toilet paper extending from his
rear. The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

[scotzoidman]

This is a fountain in Amsterdam, seems to get a lot of attention from the ladies...

[scotzoidman]

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse."How will I recognize him?" he asks.
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment,"
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth.Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"? So he picks the little fella
up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth. Can I see her mouf"? The rancher is gettin pretty
mad at this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf, can I see her twat"? Totally angry at this point, the
rancher grabs him under his arm and jams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's ta-ta, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing."Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

[Oldfart]

Irish,

Trust this naughty bloke wasn't you.

Just green with envy.

[Oldfart]

Sadly, moderation is creeping up on us all.

[Prophet Reality]

Originally posted by LoveDiva4u
MORE????? OMG!! This I gotta see!!!! ;) :D Anytime Diva.. just say when. But I do wrok better live though. :-)

[KIWI]

a couple to get back at all the male jokes

[KIWI]

the second one

[Lovediva]

Hey Prophet...............WHEN ;)

Better be before we get this old!! ;)

[Lovediva]

This is too cute!!! :D

[Lovediva]

Has this ever happend to anyone? :D

[Nubian]

I've missed the intended "hole" once or twice but with decidely better, albeit surprising, results.

[Lovediva]

LOL Nubian...I don't think you are the only one!! :D



Here is one I think we could all use!!!!!!

[TDK]

this is why u dont have sex on the edge of the cliff

[TDK]

Need a solution?? follow Popeyes idea???

[Irish]

OldFart---That couldn't have been me!I always rode a" chopper"
or a bike for racing.Never a "Dresser"(Motorcycle with saddle-
bags,windshield,etc.) Irish

[Oldfart]

Irish.

Glad to hear it.

Mind you, loved the head-rest.

The little buzz-box Yama-hahaha I rode in my youth

totally lacked such extravagances (and any class).

[Lovediva]

Ever wonder what is under a turban????? :D

[Oldfart]

Tacky, Diva. Tacky.

(But good)

[Oldfart]

For you Norteamericanos, you must not forget to floss

after every meal. Please do not forget!

It is important.

[Lovediva]

Hey Oldfart..that's one position I haven't tried yet!!! :D

[Lovediva]

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the
sunrise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big
under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken
wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sunrise and he
sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck
tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old
man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck
tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying
what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
Old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says, "It's a pussy willow."

Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat."

[Oldfart]

Diva

Always a pleasure to broaden the horizons.

[Lovediva]

Now I wish this was mine!!! ;) :D

[scotzoidman]

Way cool Diva... I'm with you, I could enjoy having that on my van!

[bigbob40]

Heres one that my wife sent to me!:D

[Lovediva]

Now this is what I call a feeding tube!!! :D

[Lovediva]

Sound familiar????

[Lovediva]

Every workplace should have one of these for the ladies!!! :D

[Lovediva]

Is this how morse code was taught???? :D

[Lovediva]

Double D'ssssssssssss :D

[lohcx]

Ha!! I hope the bunny has ass insureance!

[Oldfart]

A million bucks for this?

Not bad.

[wolfspirit]

Four Catholic moms are having coffee together,
discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a
priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a
bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'

The third Catholic woman says smugly,"Well, not to
put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in
silence. The first three women give her this subtle
"Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'6," blond-blue eyed, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say........'Oh my God"...

[Lovediva]

Now this is how they SHOULD PLAY HOCKEY!!!

THEN I WOULD DEFINETLY WATCH THE GAMES!!!!!!!! :D

[White Tigress]

WooHoo!!!

That makes two of us Diva. :D

Tigress

[Lovediva]

With the holidays approching........ don't let the turkey do this to you!!! :D

[Oldfart]

Don't do this at home, ladies.

[the_phantom]

Why little boys and girls are different

[Lovediva]

Can somebody tell me where I can find this place:confused: :D

[Lovediva]

Now I think this would statisfy alot of men :D

[Lovediva]

Another licence plate...maybe we can hang it up in the chat room??? :D

[darrenfate]

Decisions, decisions, men do have it easy when it comes to dressing up!

[darrenfate]

Oui Oui!

[darrenfate]

Women want a man who is chivalrous and galant.

Men call this behavior "conscious competence", both sexes win !

[Cheshire_Cat]

Why we can never find love when your looking.:) :)

[Lovediva]

Must be a man who thought of these street names!!! Or a pissed off ex!!!! :D

[scotzoidman]

Diva, probably just poor planning, like this;

I just realized after posting this, this is the same picture as Diva's, with the names changed; oh well, I think it's funny anyway!

[scotzoidman]

I just wanna know what his pick-up line was?

[scotzoidman]

Here at Pixie's, you don't even have to run up your credit card like this...

[scotzoidman]

This place is no fun at all...

[scotzoidman]

At least she didn't claim she was going blind

[scotzoidman]

Be careful out there

[scotzoidman]

The Beer vs. Pussy Debate



A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

[scotzoidman]

Is this really a crime?

[scotzoidman]

I want her at my next party...

[scotzoidman]

And now, a word from.... uuuuhhhhh......

[scotzoidman]

Any of you ladies house-hunting?

[Lovediva]

Be carefull of what fantasies you wish for.... :D

[KIWI]

dont think this has been here ...sorry if it has

[m45]

The picture say's it all!!!:p

[wolfspirit]

I am sure this fits how we all feel!!!

[wolfspirit]

Uh-huh, sure!

[wolfspirit]

Doctor, I've got this problem," a man says. "My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I leave work at the end of the day, she really works me over."

"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued. "I service her every morning when we get up. I go home for a quick half hour everyday at lunchtime and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep."

"I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.

"You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."

[wolfspirit]

He needs a little help.

[David]

Osama bin Laden gets it while Bush and Cole sing a ballad!!

http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_bin.swf

[sixsense]

Can we keep the jokes on topic please.

[Oldfart]

There is no central theme, except what we find as funny.

This is a re-jig of an Aussie beer commercial.

[Lovediva]

This is soooooo true!!!! :D

[Lovediva]

Mmmmmmmm I just love Pez's!!!

[sixsense]

Originally posted by Oldfart
There is no central theme, except what we find as funny.


When we make fun of ourselves, that is fine. Jokes about sex are jokes about ourselves and our own shortcomings. But when a joke makes fun of others it also stereotypes them.

And no do not think Im some sort of Tailban/Laden supporter. You couldn't be further from the truth.

Won't post about this again promise. Just be aware that some of the posts some may find offensive. Weird. Im saying this in a sex board of all places. :(

[darrenfate]

Donald has hidden talents

[darrenfate]

A secret weapon for when women like LoveDiva4U get mad ....

[David]

This is for young (at 27) sixsense. You really should lighten up boy!

Oh Osama Bin Laden,
You Son Of A Bitch,
May Your Balls Develop
A seven Year Itch!
May Your Pecker Be Twisted
In Such A Manner,
That Your Asshole Whistles
The Star Spangled Banner.

Sixsense, is this enough "sex" oriented for you!!

[biggun]

Originally posted by sixsense


When we make fun of ourselves, that is fine. Jokes about sex are jokes about ourselves and our own shortcomings. But when a joke makes fun of others it also stereotypes them.

And no do not think Im some sort of Tailban/Laden supporter. You couldn't be further from the truth.

Won't post about this again promise. Just be aware that some of the posts some may find offensive. Weird. Im saying this in a sex board of all places. :(

That's the problem with everybody today. Everything is going to offend at least somebody. All we worry about is political correctness and not offending anyone. If you're offended, don't look at it again and move on. We have people today asked to stop showing their American Flags because we are afraid it is going to offend somebody. Give me a break. Sorry for the rant, I just thought it needed to be said.

[Oldfart]

This Flag thing is a bit alien for us down under, but as a

focus for saying "Bugger off, bin Laden! We're still here."

Wave away.

[Lovediva]

Well since we are on the Bin Laden subject.......:eek:

[Lovediva]

And for all you "old" ... :D ....bikers....... LOL

No need for pit stops no more! Won't the wife be pleased....LOL

[Lovediva]

And this one is for all the hunters out there....keep your eyes open!!!!:rolleyes: :D ;)

[Oldfart]

What an obituary, "Killed by falling Deer"

Another Bin joke

[Irish]

LoveDiva4u--I resemble that remark.I am an"old"biker.(40+yrs)
and my wife always enjoyed the pit stops.They were usually
refreshing for more than just myself.She didn't put up with my
many oddities because I think only of myself.I wouldn't want to
put up with me for 36yrs;but;I have no choice! Irish

[Lovediva]

Sorry if I have offended you Irish :D ;)

Maybe this Motorcycle is better??? :D LOL

[Irish]

Lovediva4u--You didn't offend me.I was just joking around.
After being;being in that lifestyle;for so long,you just get
defensive.I hope that you didn't take my thread wrong.
Irish

[Lovediva]

I know I didn't offend you Irish!! Hee hee :D You are why I posted that pic!



And this next pic speaks for itself!!! :D :)

[m45]

OhDiva that last one is to funny,,
I have had that happen before...
Got 7 of the dang things..

NEED ONE????

[Lovediva]

LOL...I hate pussies......I mean cats....LOL... ;) :D

[Oldfart]

There was an old joke in "Book and author" form

The Cat's Revenge, by Claude Balls.

[Lovediva]

Ohhhhh to see the look on their faces as they use this!!! :D

[Oldfart]

I almost put this off until tomorrow

[Lovediva]

Yesterday scientists announced to the world the
alarming results of a recent analysis that found the
presence of female hormones in beer. This comes as
a cruel blow to all men. It is advised that if you
are male between the ages of 18 and 85 you may need to
seek medical assistance to assess your beer
consumption.

WARNING: Drinking beer eventually turns men into women.

THE TEST: 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each
within a 1 hour period

THE RESULT: 100% of the men:

1. Gained weight
2. Talked excessively without making sense
3. Became overly emotional
4. Couldn't drive
5. Failed to think rationally
6. Argued over nothing
7. Had to sit down while urinating
8. Refused to apologize when wrong

NOTE: No further testing is planned. :D :D :D :D

[Oldfart]

True.

Also, Police are issuing warnings to men on this topic.

There is a drug around called "beer", generally found in a
liquid form.

The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at
parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.
Shockingly, this drug is freely available in most cities!

Apparently, girls are persuading men to consume a few units
of "beer" and then asking them home for no-strings-attached
sex.

Men are literally helpless against the subtlety of these attacks.
After several "beers" men are persuaded to have sex with
women they would never normally be attracted to.

The aftermath is devastating, with men awakening with hazy
or no memories of the assault, just a vague uneasiness.

Please forward this to every man you know!

There are support groups for victims of this insidious drug,
where the trauma of the assaults can be eased through
group counselling sessions. These clinics are normally found
in the telephone directory under "Bar" or "Tavern".

Posted as a community service announcement.

[Edla]

the seventh took the photo's

[Edla]

Fred Oh fred

[Lovediva]

I think a few ladies here, including myself would have to agree!!!!

I hate one size fits all things!!!!! :mad: :D ;)

[Lovediva]

This thread is getting so long don't know if this one was posted or not...LOL...sorry if it was!!


The Perfect entertainment center for men! :D

[Oldfart]

Diva

Marian won't buy me one for Xmas.

Advice?

[White Tigress]

A "Gag of the day" from an e-mail. ;)


A woman and a man were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered


"Think about this," she continued, "when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better — your ear or your finger?"

[Lovediva]

For the THONG LOVERS HERE!!!! :D ;)

[darrenfate]

I used to dream of being Tarzan, Lord Greystoke and all the cool powers he possessed. Not anymore!

[m45]

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native languagethey use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The Women Won

[m45]

Diva Thought you might like this one..........


1. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

2. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.

3. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.

4. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

6. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

7. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

8. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.


9. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

10. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

11. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

12. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

13. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

14. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.


Sadly, all men are created equal.

[Lovediva]

Don't you???? :D

[Lovediva]

Even the pervs......lmao!! :D

[Oldfart]

There is the old joke about a Scot who was asked if anything

was worn under the kilt. His reply was,

"Nae, lassie, 'ts all in purrfect workin order!"

[scotzoidman]

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

A: Because sheep can hear zippers!

[scotzoidman]

A blonde chick with a nice pussy!

[Bilbo]

scotzoidman.....You are one sick puppy:rolleyes:

[Lovediva]

Happy Halloween to you all!!!! :D

[the_phantom]

A pic from my company.


The Phantom

[Oldfart]

400

Diva, where's my picture?

[Oldfart]

Don't remember posting this one.

[Lovediva]

I was told this pic reminds BigBob of me?????!!!!! LOL ;) :D


BigBob...she is much sexier than I am!!!!! Heeheehee!!!!

[scotzoidman]

I know, Halloween's over for most everybody, but there's a full moon out tonight...

[Lovediva]

If everyone had wedding vows like these....the world would be rocking!!!! :D :D :)

[Lovediva]

Hey Oldfart.....is this what it is like down under????? :D :D ;)

[Lovediva]

Yep.....my sentiments....EXACTLY..... :D :D...and the good thing about it....it don't talk back!!! :D :D

[Oldfart]

Not my style, but perhaps worth trying.

[Lovediva]

LOL Oldfart!


Here is another one...... :D

[Lovediva]

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread.

LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider
that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
who had a little curl!
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
she was very, very good
But when she was bad she got a fur coat,
jewels, a sports car......

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
the cat did a piddle
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
when it died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

[Oldfart]

Hickory dickory dock
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The other got away.
Hickory dickory dock.

[Finn]

bi curious?

[Lovediva]

OMG FINN!!!!!!

Never in a million years would I have thought of using a Barbie doll!!!! (Hammer was bad enough :D ;))

But if I would...it would be a KEN or a GI JOE doll!!!!!!! :D :)

TFF!!!!!! :D

[biggun]

Diva,
Sounds like a new thread...Watch out Ken, here cums LoveDiva4U!!!

[Lovediva]

LMAO Biggun!!!! One never knows what I will do next...heeheehee :D :D :)

[wolfspirit]

:p

[elwood]

another.

[Finn]

well... i´we heard they are big but...???

[Bilbo]

If this has been posted before i'm sorry

Of course this would NEVER happen here @ Pixies.. would it ppl

[Bilbo]

Microsft finally got the message that we ozzies needed an operating system written in a way for us to express ourselves correctly

[TDK]

ummm, not to offen anyone

The Geography of a woman:

Between the ages of 15 - 18 a woman is like China or Iran.
Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still
not free or open.

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia.
She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina.
She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq.
She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstructions now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.
Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia.
With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Pakistan
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there

[TDK]

its B1 and B2 :D

[Oldfart]

TDK

The ABC (Afghan Broadcasting Corporation) has a

lot to answer for.

Perhaps Thomas the Tank Engine has a different

meaning too.

"Thomas , powering a T72 with the new high velocity

cannon, went to see the Fatwa Controller."

[kitten]

:) hehehe, i have really enjoyed all these jokes and pics. thanks evahh so much for them everyone. a wonderful way to kick off a saturday morning. coffee and chuckles. i have one i'd like to add. hope ya'll enjoy it. who knew this about the flintstones? *giggle*

[wolfspirit]

Must have been Avon calling........lol ;)

[Oldfart]

Just received.

[scotzoidman]

Oh, Oldfart.... turn the heat up, it just got cold in here!

[scotzoidman]

Look out, rabies can strike at any time...

[Oldfart]

Scotzoidman

The answer is yes, but only 4 days a month.

Anyway, you know how hard it is to get funny smut these days.

[Lovediva]

Sure hope it wasn't this Avon Lady!!! :eek: :D

[m45]

How is this for rock hard??
Hope this was not posted earlier..

[Oldfart]

Diva.

Don't buy the face powder!!

[scotzoidman]

Sometimes I wish I had this problem...

[Lovediva]

A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor. Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Someone should give him Head&Shoulders, To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders ?"

[Irish]

LoveDiva4u---Having two blonde daughters;I don't think;that
there is a Blonde joke that I haven't heard.Many times;I will
e-mail; them to them.I see them;quite often;but I am still very
close to them.They both have two children now;and don't live
home anymore. Irish

[Lovediva]

Some really like to start having sex at a very early age!!!! :D :D

[bigbob40]

Diva, thats bad lmao:D
were do you come up with these?:D :D

[darrenfate]

Is it too early for Thanksgiving jokes? Nah!

Thanksgiving's So Dirty!

Here are some quotes heard at Thanksgiving that are perfectly clean, except to you dirty minded folks out there!

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Are you going to come again next time?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

[darrenfate]

Another:

[Lovediva]

A trip to the emergency room has never been so comical!!! :D :D

[Lovediva]

As the last one shows...Men will do anything for a little head...here is another!! :D :)

[Lovediva]

Yeppers.... I was right!! :D :D :) It's all about getting head!!! :D :D

[Lovediva]

But this is what we should be doing!!! LOL...:D :D Show them who is boss!!! :D ;)

[Lovediva]

And if you are FED UP WITH MY JOKES....GO AHEAD AND USE THIS!!!!! :D :D :D :p


Like I said....It's all about HEAD!!!!! :D

[Oldfart]

Diva

Real emergency room stuff

[Lovediva]

OMG OUCH IS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Bilbo]

Wondering if that is the result of someone trying... Julius Somner Millers ....egg in the bottle trick?

[Prophet Reality]

Ouch is right. And Diva, can never get tird of your jokes.

[Lovediva]

Now this would make me so very happy!!!! :D :D

Then I could retire and spend all my day here at Pixies!! ;) :D

[Lovediva]

A little morbid.... but ohhhhh what I could do with a stuffed Dick like that!!:D :D ;)

[Lovediva]

The BOOB men will be happy for a long time to come! :D :D :D

[Irish]

LoveDiva4u----Is there a website,where you get all of these?
Irish
P.S.It seems; as if ;you're always adding one more just when we
think you're empty!

[Lovediva]

Irish... I will never run out of these...I have lots of friends who email them to me everyday! :D :D

[David]

Diva, I thank you for all your contributions to this thread. I always get a laugh and chuckle from your cartoons and images. Thanks for the smiles!! :)

[wolfspirit]

I guess it all depends on how you look at things. :rolleyes:

[Oldfart]

Music of love?

[TDK]

excuse me if this has been posted be....cant remember if i have or not

[TDK]

:D

[TDK]

Charlie Brown

[Lovediva]

Has this happend to any of you????? :D :D

[Lovediva]

Hey you guys with the big feet.....is this true?????? :D :D ;)

[Prophet Reality]

I wish that were true for me. I have big feet.... but that is about all!

[scotzoidman]

is this true??????

Sadly, doesn't appear to be true, Diva.... I'm like 12EEEE.... if it were true, dontcha think Bozo the Clown would have women hanging all over him?:D

[Lovediva]

LOL Scotz!!!! I never hang around clowns anyway!!! :p And besides..I hear Bozo has a small penis!!!! :D

[wolfspirit]

Who let the dogs out! :D

[TDK]

new movie??? :p

[TDK]

another new movie??

[TDK]

yet another new movie???

[Lovediva]

I love my dog...and spoil him rotten..but I would never do this!!!!!!:redghost: :eek:

[scotzoidman]

ROFL Diva...

Why does a dog lick his own balls?






Because he can!!!!!!!!!!!

[scotzoidman]

Just in time for Christmas, the new Barbie (R) dolls

[scotzoidman]

Barbie #2

[scotzoidman]

#3

[scotzoidman]

more Barbie

[scotzoidman]

Barbie #5

[scotzoidman]

Barbie #6

[scotzoidman]

Last one

[PantyFanatic]

:) You’ll never know how great the Brbi pics are. I have a daughter-in-law that is going to flip.
Thanks!
:D

[Prophet Reality]

Well here is my contribution. For all the Banana in Pajama fans

[Oldfart]

For any of you who have big ideas.

[Lovediva]

Sooooo this is how the rumors start!!!!! :D :D ;)

Wish I was working there!!! :p

[Lovediva]

The joys of new found love.....heehee :D

[Lovediva]

Box Lunch!!!! :D :D

[Lovediva]

Dear Abby,

My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his co-workers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don't know what to do.

Signed Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:

You should dump him. Now that you are a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore. :D :D :D :D

[Prophet Reality]

Can I order the Diva Happy Meal???????:D

[PantyFanatic]

Look at how fortunate we are to have HAPP MEALS cum in so many wonderful flavors!!! :) :)

We have Diva, Sharniqua, Leigh, Maggs, Krista, Dixy, only to mention a few.
Everything is OhSOGood and served by our SexyGirl waitress to your table with TigerLily flowers.
Be sure to catch our CherryBomb desert menu and check out the BluStar specials!! And our COMBO meals could kill you!!! (Yaaaah, what a way to go):D :D :D





Don't even ask why I have a silky napkin!!!!! :p :p :p

[Lovediva]

LMAO Pantyfanatic!!!!!

That was an excellent description!!!! :D :D :D I wish I would have thought of saying that!!!!!! :p :p :D

[PantyFanatic]

I wish you would have to.

I don't want to have to tell people about it........I want to be FIRST in line!!

[scotzoidman]

And don't forget to check out our special Ladies' menu...

[m45]

LMAO Pantyfanatic!!!!! That was GREAT!!

Oh Diva how is that new JOB?

[Stinger]

I have seen those pastas before. I even seen the breast pasta for men, too.

[m45]

THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...


A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you
to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the
milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who
has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the
milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops
dead.
*********
Sounds about right don't it?

[birddawg]

Now you know why they need so many four legged critters.:D

[Oldfart]

This is another self-help posting for our Pixie's friends.

It is a terrible thing and this may be of assistance.

Community Service Announcement #2

[Lovediva]

Now this is the perfect place for me :D :D ;)

Now if I could only find it!!! :p :p:p:p

[Prophet Reality]

This has been posted before, but now there are additions!
Counting Calories

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
PUTTING ON A PRESERVATIVE:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories
ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years old............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years old............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years old............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years old............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over............................. Results are still pending
DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife/husband knocking at the door....3521 Calories!

[scotzoidman]

Who wants to play? mefirstmefirst!

[Lovediva]

LOL....too funny!!! :D

[Lovediva]

I want this bath toy for xmas........please!!!! :D :D

[Oldfart]

If I give you one for Xmas, can I have video of you

changing the batteries?