OMG, DM. ROTFLMAO.

A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else – a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

__________________
Eudaimonia

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.

However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly,
"Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."

The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."

So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone
"Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.

Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts........








.........(now, you KNOW what's comin', don't ya?)........














.........nearly there............




















"Clumsy bitch."

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

OMG jseal and DM ... I'd duck if the ladies are reading these.

LMAO.

T'weren't ME mister......... t'was HIM!!! *points at jseal!!*

DM

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

Dudes,

I see myself as a victim! No, wait, I'm misunderstood! Yeah. That's it.


It is just a misunderstanding.

__________________
Eudaimonia

Who's first??? for all of you^^^...even if you weren't involved...I have a feeling you will earn it eventually

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

I'D like to volunteer............

























jseal!!

DM

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

Three men are sat around the camp fire, knocking back a few whiskeys and chewing the fat. The conversation soon turned to their animals as all the men owned dogs.


The first man said
"My dog is called Woodworker. I'll show you why I chose the name. Go, Woodworker!"
and with that the dog grabbed a log from the fire and began chewing it. Within minutes the dog had chewed out a beautiful figurine.


Not to be outdone, the second man said
"Well, my dog is called Stoneworker, watch this."

With that he instructed the dog who promptly fetched a rock over and began gnawing away at it. Within minutes the dog and carved out a beautiful stone figurine.


The third man smiled and said
"Well my dog's called Ironworker".

He put the poker into the fire and waited until the tip was glowing red hot.

"Now" he continued,

"all I have to do is touch his balls with this and you watch him make a bolt for the door!"

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

“Alright. I’ll take my medicine like a man.” he said with a calm voice, looking Lilith square in the eye.

.
.
.





















.
.
.
“But promise you’ll first slather me with mayonnaise and wrap me in plastic wrap!”

__________________
Eudaimonia

There was a man who wanted a pure wife.

So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.

When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks
"What's this?"

She replies,
"A cock."

He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.

A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.

She replies
"A cock".

He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but, oh well.
A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.

He whips it out and asks,
"What is this?"

She giggles and says
"A pee-pee."

He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says,
"That's your pee-pee."

He finally breaks down and says
"Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."

She laughs and says....

"No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black!"

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

Just goes to show ya......


... a BIG dick isn't ALL it's cracked up to be!!

DM

Attached Images

help!.jpg (38.4 KB, 255 views)

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced,
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"


The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said,
"Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."


The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."


The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"


(Sorry..... but it's NOT mine!! )

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

dm383,

Oh SURE it's not yours! I suppose that when Lilith sees THIS you'll volunteer ME again!

__________________
Eudaimonia

Sure...... why not?!?!

DM
















(kidding..... I wouldn't do that to you AGAIN...... I'll blame PantyFanatic this time!! )

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind