Proof certain Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are dead. They just registered to vote in Chicago.

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Six times!

Each?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

To check it out, she went to the Wall, and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall to pray?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"And how do you feel Sir, after doing this for 60 years?"



"It's like talking to a fucking brick wall."

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OMG! ^^^^

This is an oldie, but a goodie.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. And is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

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Hmmmm ... who does this make you think of?



CAUTION, the person you hit could be a Pixie!

It looks like an extreme way to keep your dick warm in winter.

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A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother
answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all
mankind made.."




Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."



The confused girl returned to her mother and said, " Mom , how is it possible that
you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from
monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my
side of the family and your father told you about his."

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I'll leave this one for Buddy Hackett to tell. Absolutely marvellous joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DqSw41jD2Q

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Yep. You can have the duck!

Another visual.

Attached Images

spa.jpg (67.4 KB, 110 views)

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^^^^

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes..

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating