Hia gang, i just did a poll on here and yayy i scored a 80!
What does your score mean?
I'll certainly give you this: you know the unwritten sexual rules of etiquette like the back of your hand. Your score means that you are respectful, considerate and concerned with more than just your own pleasure. You know that good sex means giving and communicating, and you handle the whole thing in a very mature way. Congrats!
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Hmm then why doesn't my boyfriend want me? he says it's low sex drive and I say pfffft to that, once a month is tortise sex drive! He can jerk off 5 times a week but only want to make love to me once a month? we are 25 and 29 yrs old. I'm not a super model but hey I think I look pretty good, I walk 7 days a week, I am 25 years old, 5'6, size 10, mousyblonde, green eyes and I never FUCKING YELL! I am very affectionate and easy going and pretty much get on with everyone, so what is the problem?

He loves me but I feel like I am living with a friend, he hardly kisses me apart from a hi kind of kisses on the lips a day, I want passion and intimacy, I want a friend and a lover, am I really asking for too much? guys? girls? please tell me!

OH gee I guess it could be because he works nights then comes home and sits infront of his computer till 4 hrs before he has to go back to work then sleeps till the alarm goes of, goes back to work comes home to the computer (no he isn't having an affair online, he uses the pc for porn and games) then goes back to work. He has wed & thurs off but still sits in the study on his computer. ALL DAY! When I get home from work he leans up to kiss me but keeps his eyes on the computer unless I ask him to give me a hug and kiss. "But you know I love you sweetheart"

I know that sex isn't everything in a relationship but if he loves me as he says he does then shouldn't he WANT to spend a little less time with his computer and a little more time with me? and shoudn't he WANT to want to make love to me? I just want to feel a little needed and desired is that really too much to ask for? I would say on average he spends 15 minutes with me when he gets home and then a few times during the day/evening before work he will have a cup of coffe with me, he comes out for dinner and goes back in, he doesn't hide it from me what he does which sometimes makes me feel worse especially when it comes to the porn, hey we all look at porn, you do, I do, we all do but when that is enough to satisfy you sexually to the point you don't really need your partner, what does that say about me?

I don't want to leave him because I do love him but I'm tired of living with my friend, I want to live with my friend and lover.

Excuse me while i go off and cry now lol

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"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."(Van Kaam)

Kitty...pm me if you want to talk. I'm going through a similar situation myself. It's easy to let a relationship slide into friendship and have the sex fizzle.

I have some ideas and also would be a good shoulder...

Hope to hear from ya.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

ok Kitty and Osuche:


THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

You are both worth far more than this. Don't LET your guy sit in front of the PC/TV?whatever and vegetate. Think of it this way: while you are being easygoing and letting your guy behave like this, you are sending out the message that you don't think you're worthy of more attention than his computer, so why in the hell should HE think you are? Next time he's on the PC (looking at porn, is probably the best time) strip naked and stand between his eyes and the screen. DEMAND that he pays you attention (he'll probably like the fact that you're taking control of the situation) Say to him: 'Why just look at it, when you have it right here in front of you and you can touch it taste it smell it etc...?'

My advice is: if he's not paying attention to you, you need to make it impossible for him not to pay attention to you. If he doesn't respond to this move, then now's the time for you to begin a conversation with him about it. If he refuses to talk about it, you need to tell him how unhappy it's making you and that if he loves you the way he says he does, then surely the health and happiness of your relationship is more important than games/ porn.

I imagine what may come out of these discussions may indicate some problems that your man is having. Sounds to me, like he may be depressed (and may be suffering some self esteem issues which are causing problems in your sex life) and it sounds like he's certainly not getting enough sleep. Men find it hard to face up to their own problems and often woul rather hide from them by escaping into activities that make them feel safe (computer games and masturbation, I can almost guarantee, would have formed part of his 'safe haven' during those tumultuous adolescent years, and we often go back to things which used to provide comfort in times of distress).

And ladies, if he refuses to talk, refuses to fuck, refuses to spend more time with you, then you MUST realise that you're better than that, and that it might be time to think about moving on. A guy who is unwilling to try to make a relationship better is not someone you want to spend your life with/ have kids with/ whatever, is it?


(((((Hugs)))))) to both of you.........PM me if you want to talk.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

I'm with Loulabelle...you don't deserve to be treated like that...no one does! There are plenty of guys out there that are dying to give you the attention you deserve! You need to sit this lump down and tell him what's up!

Ya know some guys get addicted to porn. It may take some counciling to get things back to a somewhat normal state. I can't say I understand why a guy would rather masterbate than have the real thing but that in itself is a statement of selfishness. As Lou pointed out, you deserve more out of simple consideration. The longer you let it go, I'm afraid the less likely it is to change. Good luck, I hope he'll get a grip on reality and you can both be happy.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Has he always been this way?

It sounds like he's so exhausted that he feels he needs a bit of 'cheap and easy' entertainment, and what he's doing with the computer is a great way to get it. He can switch his brain off and be entertained. This may sound stupid, but perhaps he feels as if he needs to work hard mentally to stimulate you (not just sexually). I don't know how "advanced" you guys are with the relationship, but maybe what you and he need is a weekend, or even a day, where he has absolutely no work commitments to worry about, he's well-rested, and there's no "cheap entertainment narcotics" around. If he's willing to try that, then that might be the trick. If he's able and not willing to try, then I'd be inclined to think that he's a grown child. You want a man.

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I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters

kittylicious;

Not much to add to what the wise people above have said.... but taking Belial's sugestion a step further, could you arrange a weekend/couple of days for you both to get away from home? My S/O (Celticangel) and I try to do this as often as we can, which isn't easy, but it lets us spend ALL our time & attention on each other.... which is great!! (Mind you, we don't have the same problem as you! )

Try it though; it DOES re-charge our batteries, so to speak, and if nothing else, you'll have some REAL space to talk, with no PC/porn/whatever to distract you!!

DM

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The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

When you figure it out let me know. My wife is the same way (actually worse). My son was born 20 months ago and we have only made love twice. Its not like I don't try, but she just says no, rolls over and goes to sleep.

Don't let it get you down too much though. If he won't give it up, it may be time to toss his ass out. That may be my only recourse,

Who

<stares blankly at the screen>


You have a boyfriend???



SHIT!

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You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.

My Photos:
https://imgur.com/a/80hiRdm

But being serious for a change

Exactly what Loulabelle said - seduce him. Being in a relationship without intimacy SUX. Make sure he knows how unhappy you are about this!!

Some guys just naturally aren't intimate people. This is one of the world's greatest tragedies of humankind, on the same sort of level as World War II and reality television.
Good luck hun, I wish you the all the best!

Of course, fact of the matter is I think your only option is to dump him and drive down to Melbourne and get all the intimacy you want from me!

Teehee!
CasperTG

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You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.

My Photos:
https://imgur.com/a/80hiRdm

Lets make a trade. He can have my wife and you come live with me. They can be 2 complete and total strangers in the same house and we can burn the world down.....


Serious response: Sounds like possible internet addiction. It does exist and can be as harmful as a chemical addition. Something to think about.






Oh, yes, Hi, I'm the new guy.....

I hear you all! and I know it, i know what I have to do, my head tells me what the right thing is to do but my damn heart just won't let me do it. You see this is LOVE for me (I've never ever felt this before, never even come close to being in love) and yet I allow him to treat me this way! I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me but I do know that I deserve so much better. We have been together for 3 years and lived together for 1, he has only been working nights for 3 months before that he was working 7 hour days and still did the same thing only he would get on the computer about a hour after he got home and sometimes stay on it until 4 or 5 in the morning.

I actually think he is a bit confused sexually because alot of his porn is gay porn. I know I can hear you all saying well why the fuck are you with him? and to be honest I don't know, Love? or maybe he is just giving me something I need right now, emotionally, not that it is much that he is giving. This past 4 years I've lost someone very close to me and a baby, something else has happened to me that I'd rather not mention that has caused alot of emotional stress, so maybe it's just I need him around me?

We have broken up 3 times, once because he wasn't sure if he was over his ex and ready to commit to a serious relationship and the other 2 times were because I left him due to the same thing that is happening now, we talked about the gay porn and he said it is something he fantasises about but would never want to act it out. We talked about the fact he doesn't spend time with me and he says he is just needs his space and a place to unwind and relax. We talked about making sure he was in love with me and over his ex and he said he was and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have children. He said watching me walk out the door for the 2nd time shattered him and he realised how much he loved me.

I don't like arguments and I tend to just grin and bear it and cry alone but I know I can only take so much, last time I left him he begged me to come back to him and that he would change, well he did, for 2 weeks, and I am sorry but I just cannot ask someone to change for me they have to want to change for themselves first or it will just be the same thing happening over and over again either that or they will end up resenting me.

BUT on saying all that and sounding like I am just a weak woman I do know what I want in a relationship and what I need and I know that I will not be able to take much more of this and I do forsee myself leaving him, and if I do it will be for GOOD, once I leave him I will not go back, no matter how much this aching ol heart of mine wants him back, he's shown he can and will never change but I'm just holding on a little bit longer for that "maybe he will". Not much longer though, I can't take it for much longer. I know there are plenty more guys out there but first I need to deal with this then get over it. I keep telling myself it's not love if it makes me cry more than it makes me smile, I know I'm right.

Oh boy, I've just read what I wrote and I sound so STUPID, don't I? allowing a guy to treat me like this and hurt me this many times and yet still go back to him. You all must think I am plain stupid! but hey your all right, I am stupid for allowing him to hurt me and I am stupid for almost telling him it's ok to do this to me. I guess maybe he will be the "first love that we all have and remember" he will be the one that stays tucked in the corner of my heart to look back on occasionally, the one I will think about when something reminds me of him then look into the eyes of someone who really cares for me and really loves me enough to want to show it and know that all those years ago I made the right choice when I decided to let go of him. Yes? Ahh love wasn't ment to be easy. I can do this, I know I can.

osouche: thank you and I hope things get better for you =) love to pm you.

Loulabelle : "sigh" if only it were that easy, I have on many times taken the initative to strip or just take what I want and he either mockingly laughs at me or tells me he's just too tired and I don't like to be intimate with someone who is not wanting it as much as I do. The times that we do make love are great and get better each time but they are so few and far between I am starting to feel like "fuck it I don't want to do this" they do say the longer you go without sex the less you want it.

darogle : your right I do have to sit him down and I will, just not sure when, I was going to give it 3 more months and then tell him it's just not a happening thing anymore, I hate hurting people!

bigbear : he is addicted and he knows it, not just to porn but the whole computer thing, I know it, he knows it. thanks for your thoughts.

belial and dm388 : yes I have tried to get him just out for a day and he says yes but when the day comes he's too tired, he did promise me he would go to counselling after I left him but now he says he has it under control. I know he doesn't. He thinks that the time he spends with me when he first comes home is good enough, all 15 minutes of it, half an hour if I am lucky. His sister suggested I just start going out without him and I think I might do just that.

whothe : aww I am sorry, I guess after a baby things can change but she should talk to you about it and express her thoughts and feelings on what she is going through emotionally and mentally so that maybe you can understand. Have you tried talking to her? I imagine you have, heh look at me the one with the problem trying to give advice and my love life sux! hope it works out for you.

Casper : lol, yes I do have a boyfriend, for how much longer I have no idea. believe me I have tried all the tricks to seducing and there is only so many knock backs a girl can handle as I am sure it is the same for guys, It's come to the point I am just about ready to give up! and thanks for the invite to melbourne who knows one day I may just make it down there, I can get a transfer from the real estate to there ;-). Got a spare room?

thanks all for your advice and thoughts, much appreciated =-)

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"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."(Van Kaam)

1st off Welcome Hobart....I love that name..was the name of the dough kneading machine at a pizza place I used to go when I was a kis

http://www.pixies-place.com:81/foru...threadid=15627~ story on sex addiction inclusing online encounters

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

wow that was a huge reply from me, sorry guys and girls =/
hobart1123 : lol thanks, i'll keep it in mind along with casper's offer lol

you all are wonderful people on here, how come I never discovered this site before? thanks again to all!

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"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."(Van Kaam)

(((((((((((((kittylicious)))))))))))))))))

*enormous hugs*

He needs to be slapped into reality. I don't know what effect an ultimatum would have, but maybe.....look, I dunno. I'm sure you'll make the right decision

*hugs again*
Good luck

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I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters