Hello all! Mr. Nadia here. sorry I dont have my own name but I feel compelled to thank you all for your advice. Although my wife seems to think way different than most of us do, but I told her how i felt about having the other man in her life, it was wrecking us and I told her he had to go or there wouldnt be an us. She said ok but really didnt like the idea and that she would probably lose respect for me by making her choose me over her friends.
anyway I have a question for all you professors out there.. Say 2 people were early in their relationship and there was someone(an old flame) in one of their lives that posed a a risk to thier marriage ( at least one of them seen this as true)and that person asked his wife or her husband to delete this person from thier life and they did and didnt have any second thoughts about it because their marriage was more important. Now twenty years have past and these two peple have respect and love for each other and are sure what they have and no one could come between them. In walks someone who has become a friend to one of them and starts to pose a problem (starts flirting and hitting on the other person). Is it right for the other spouse to want that friend out of his spouses life like it was in the beginning of the relationship or has the rules changed ?

In my opinion there is a difference between an old flame and a new friend. So you're already talking different rules. I would try expressing concern to the spouse first that you're not fond of the friend being "over friendly". Just a simple discussion. If it continues for an extended period of time and you know it's not just joking around, I'd pull the friend off to the side and have a discussion with them about. No threats, just a simple reminder and let him/her know it makes you a little uncomfortable because you can't tell if it's a game or a play. If it just started, it's probably too soon to tell which it is. At least make an effort to figure out on your own if it's just joking or making a move.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

Is it not possible for the person who is being solicited to tell the "friend" to back off that they are in a commited relationship and have no interest in straying? Can the S/O not trust their partner to not succumb to the advances of the "friend"?

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-Seems we got here just in the nick of time. Whats that make us?
--Big damn heros Sir.
-Ain't we just.

I've always found Gorilla Glue to be a good crack-filler.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

so you're suggesting we glue her shut? not very sanitary but its effective......

KIDDING!
Kyttn

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-Seems we got here just in the nick of time. Whats that make us?
--Big damn heros Sir.
-Ain't we just.

I think Mr. & Mrs. Nadia need to discuss this with eachother. The opinions of strangers should not be a guide for your relationship. Getting people to take one side or another does not help your relationship or show that one person or another's feeling should be validated more than the others. Turn off the computer and talk to eachother.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

^^ Once again.... Miss Lil nails the head!!!!

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My Only Two Stories Anywhere!

Afternoon Delight

Delightful Rendezvous!

Is the love I gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes........

i detected a bit of sarcasm too, lil, but perhaps it is not so and only the fault of internet expression. hope so. vengeance would only serve to wedge even the tiniest crack wider. anyway, i did think on it and i do have advice. relationships can evolve, sure enough. and what was needful then may not be needful now and the other way round. BUT no matter how seasoned a relationship is, if onehalf wants otherhalf to stop doing something that hurts and otherhalf really does love onehalf unconditionally, then it isn’t wrong to ask otherhalf to stop. and otherhalf should want to stop once they found out how badly onehalf was hurting.

on the other hand - if onehalf wants otherhalf to stop doing something that maybe so or maybe no could lead to hurt, well then, that is an issue of trust, no? not love. in which case love should be weighed again, perhaps. and as is almost always the quandary, what does onehalf do if the stopping will only make otherhalf the one hurting? if peeps knew that, the divorce rate would be a tenth what it is, i suspect.

good luck. i sincerely hope you can work it out.

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

actually what I am referring to is the thread that my wife started. I reminded her that not so long ago she made me choose over someone i grew up around and we called each other boyfriend and girlfriend hell idont think I kissed this girl 5 times over a period of 7yrs but still she felt threatened by her so i said goodbye to her. Now I am asking her to make the same choice over a man we induced into our sexual relationship and she became friends and I see as a big problem,but her answere to this is "that was then and this is now , we have so far in our relationship we should have unconditional love for each other." I told her there is no such thing.We were at abar last night (playing 9 ball) when her friend walks in . I was ok with it at first because I told wifey to tell him.to keeps hands off and we would see where that went. as the night progressed I got tired and wanted to go home so I told wife I was headed to the car. I waited 15 min still she hadnt come out so I pretended to leave the parking lot but came back thru a side driveway and peeked thr a window in the door just in time to see him spanking her arse. I walked in ushered her to the door but on the by him I gave him an elbow to the head and told him not to do it again and left.

I second Lilith. this is starting to look like a bad episode of Jerry Springer. You two need to turn off the computer and handle your business. Mrs. you need to draw a line with "option" and say "don't do that!" if he cant respect that then you can't be around him. if you're not willing to enforce that line then you dont need to be around him. Mr. the two of you need to sit down and decide where you want this marriage to go. til the end of the week or the end of time. you both seem to have some boundary issues. you two need a long discussion about what you expect from the other as far as friendly behaviour. Avoid accusatory remarks "you dont need to do this..." instead "I feel threatened when he touches you and i see no move of resistance." Instead of hitting the guy, are you certain he knows that these interactions are no longer kosher? I mean hell as I recall he didnt even know Mrs was married, and if you were amiable to letting them fuck why shouldnt he be able to rub on that bum? you two need to get your heads straight with each other and then as a couple, as a team, as husband and wife talk to the man and discuss the boundaries.

Stop the yelling. stop the sneaking, stop the hitting, and stop the untruths, the half truths and for gods sake start listening to your partners instead of your fucking hormones. Sex isn't worth making someone else you love miserable.

some people are worth making sacrifices for.
Kyttn

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-Seems we got here just in the nick of time. Whats that make us?
--Big damn heros Sir.
-Ain't we just.

I guess I should make a retraction of sorts for my previous post on this thread. I was unaware of a few facts. Such as it's the wife's former boy toy. I'm going to go with Coaster's comment and just expand it to...listen to the ladies on this one. Also, as cliche as it is....violence doesn't solve the problem. It just brings criminal charges.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

Sorry, I got this confused with the handyman thread.

All seriousness aside, I agree that this convo needs to be limited to a capacity of two . & if three's a crowd, then all of Pixies' taking sides amounts to an unnaturally large gathering.

Talk to each other...it's the only answer I have to explain how the 'zoid marriage has lasted since the Ford administration.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

Mr Nadia, and Nadia.

Either you have a relationship of love AND respect, or you have a farce.

It feels real, looks real from the outside, but it is a charade.

We all have desires which would be met very nicely by "refreshment sex"

with an outsider, but unless the marriage is one of those very rare ones

which thrives on expanded intimacy, it's a joke.

"If you loved me you'd let me fuck my brains out with outsiders" isn't a statement of love, but emotional blackmail.

Get real while (or if) you have something to get real about.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating