dating a friend

[hotrod]

(sorry, this is kind of long)..........I've got this friend named Amy. I met her though my younger brother who is 3 years younger (and so is she). When I first started hanging out with her, I was informed that she liked me. Not knowing anything about her and thinking she was just "my little brother's friend", I kind of blew her off in that regard. But we became friends and that was the extent of it. Then I met her cousin who I took a liking too and we started dating. We dated for almost two years. After realizing that I was very unhappy, and that the cousin (and her family) had some serious issues, I broke up with her (that's been a couple years ago). The whole time I was dating the cousin, she didn’t like me hanging out with Amy because she thought she was after me and therefore some of her relatives thoght the same thing. Also, some of her family members thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread until I broke the girls heart, then I was the “asshole”. Anyway, I could talk for days about that, but you get the idea. Since then, Amy and I have remained friends, and I would even consider her to be my best friend (and I think she’d do the same). I’ve never thought much about her and I dating until the last month or so. I’ve been finding myself very attracted to her when I am around her. She is very sweet and caring. She is great with kids, fun to hang out with, has a good job, etc. Anyway, I’ve been thinking to myself about dating her. However, the things that keep me from pursuing her are, 1.) I dated her cousin, 2.) Having to deal with her family again (because of dating her cousin), 3.) I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. Her parents are cool, but some of her relatives have much to be desired. I think she still likes me and would go out with me in a second, but is it worth all the hassle that could come with it?? But then I think, what if she is “the one” for me….. do I risk passing that up just because some people in her family are too immature to deal with it? I’m torn. I’m thinking about just asking her how he feels about the situation since she’s the one that would have to deal with it more than I. Any suggestion?

[Divine]

Dont let it pass you by my friend. The cousin thing isnt really that much of an issue or shouldnt really be, the family is easy to get around considering her parents like you, everything else can be basically ignored, and I know alot of people who dated and are friends after it you cant just push her away if you do decide to end it. I hope this helps a little. GO for it a chance at happiness is hard to come by DONT PASS IT UP :)

[heatluvintxn]

If in your mind your thinking the 'what if' question then go for it. You may go the rest of your life wondering what may have happened if you went out. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and do it. :)

[cuteglutes]

go for it. take a chance. if you dont take chance, nothing ever can happen.

[jjjjbo]

I wholeheartedly agree -- go for it, good friends make the best possible life partners and how would you feel if you waited only to have her be snatched up by someone other guy ... that would likely change the nature of your friendship .... Hope you find a lifetime of growth and joy! jjjjbo

[axe31]

first the family ignore them this is betwen you two
talk about it with her have a hart to hart if you
talk it thru then hopefuly it will work out for
you both hope you find what yuo need in each other

[Midnight Kiss]

Do it, do it , do it, just do it, lol, I have found that the best lovers in my life were my friends first. Don't left it slip away. :)

[MastersPuppi]

Sometimes the best lover is a friend. I believe my Fiance to be my friend. We get along wonderfully, we have some similar interests, but we also have our respectful differences that make us unique. We can talk to one another easily, and we can joke and carry on without upsetting the other.

But, on the other side of "dating a friend", I fear that if my Fiance and I were to split we could not remain friends. Once two people build a chemistry as strong as romantic love, there's no going back. It's an all or nothing kinda deal.

And, I fear, you have added baggage by dating a family member of your friend. Are the two girls close? Are their mothers (or which ever parents would be siblings)? When you say the "ex's family has much to be desired", are you talking about her immediate family, or are you talking about your friend's immediate family as well?

There are both pros and cons to dating a girl who is 1.) your friend, and 2.) the cousin to another girl you dated. At least they are not sisters... ;)

Good luck to you!


~Puppi :heart:

[BIBI]

It is best to do what you want.......rather than spend the rest of your life regretting you didn't

just remember that there are no regrets.....just lessons learned!

[lixnlix69]

This is the worst of the Catch 22 situations. If you date her and things don't work out, you may lose your "best friend" If you don't date her you'll always think, What if?

Start with a pro and con list. Seriously! Literally write on paper a pro side and a con side and see which gets more answers.

And then if the pro side is fuller I think openly discussing this with her would be a good. But then, if you do talk this over with her, the cat will be out of the bag and there will be no turning back.........so choose your words carefully!!!!!!

And bear this in mind.......when you date or marry someone, you date and/or marry their family. There is just no getting away from that fact unless you and she move miles and miles from where the family is!

Good luck hotrod.........I am not sure this helped or made things worse!

Mrs. Lix

[Steph]

I'll play devil's advocate . . . if the family is close, I don't know if I'd want to date two members of the same family . . . having said that, my current guy and I started as friends and I like it much better that way. It probably gets complicated during the 'going from friend to lover' stage, but I wouldn't have traded that stage for the world!

[jennaflower]

One of the great things about extended families is that you only have to see them on special occassions (holidays, weddings, and funerals). So don't look at her extended family with great importance. You mentioned that her parents are okay.. those are the only ones (other than herself) that should even remotely enter into the equation.

Dating a friend can be a bit risky... the possibility of losing a dear friendship is all too real. HOWEVER, if you two are truly that close, that isn't going to be very likely. Worse case scenerio.. you give it a shot... she doesn't feel the same way or it doesn't work out.. then for sometime there might be an awkward stage but if you two are really that close... it will be overcome. Best case scenerio... well.... it could be a beginning of a wonderful life changing thing..

I believe that love is worth the risk... when you are in love and that love is returned... there is no feeling like it... go for it... share yourself with her... you might be surprised when you discover that she returns the feelings :)