OK a few months ago I split up with my girlfriend, it just wasn't working out... I enjoyed the sex and things we did together but I didn't love her...

Well about 3 months ago I started a new job and there's a girl there that's a year older than me who I really like. I say I really like, i'm infatuated with her, she's beautiful (not ooh I wanna fuck her, but she's angelic and is just so gorgeous), she's kind, considerate and from what little I know about her I know we have alot in common. But the problem is that I am extremely shy (i'll explain in a minute) and find it so difficult to talk to her incase I either make a fool of myself or something, I also feel she wouldnt want to talk to me (dont ask me why)...

ok here's why I am really shy at the moment, last year I got really ill and got quite thin because of it, well people were putting the thought that I needed to put on weight so much that when I did I couldnt stop and now i'm quite big, because of it I have little or no self confidence and so feel stupid trying to talk to a girl who I have feelings for who barely knows I exist.

The other problem is that she has a boyfriend, a few years older than her... I personally dont like him, he's treated me like a complete wanker while i've known him, and I suppose im jealous.

Now i'm not saying I want to split them up and get together with her because for all I know he could be prince charming towards her but I just need an answer and I honestly dont know what i'm looking for by posting this..

But I am. purely for the fact that over the last 6 months i've gone through a bad patch, everyone I thought I knew apart from close family have turned on me, I now literally have no friends (despite me always being nice to everyone they treat me like shit in return) and I suppose i'm merely looking for someone to spend time with.

Please take this as it is offered...constructively...NOT destructively!

Seems to me you base a lot of your life on the superficial. Your weight...her angelic looks...etc. That you know you and she have some things in common is a step in the right direction, but I don't know how you know this information if you haven't talked to her yet. Not everyone bases likes and dislikes on the cover of a book...but they have to read to know if they like it.

Talk to the girl! You are assuming that she superficial too...that she won't like you because of your current weight issue. Believe it or not, there are very few women who base likes and attraction on physical appearance! You give us too little credit. Maybe she'll like you as a friend...maybe she'll dump Prince Charming for you...or maybe she'll think your an ass...but you'll never know till you say hello! Life is too short to sit back and wish you had participated. And...there was never a guarantee issued at birth that all will go smoothly. It's a gamble...one that might pay off for you or not...but, it's a gamble you'll have to take.

I don't know if you appreciate that answer hun...but it's honest...and I wasn't even sure of the question!

Good luck!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

i do, thata a very nice answer, hell i didnt even know the question and im the guy who wrote it.

basically what it is, since i got big all the people i was close with have left me (my ex girlfriend and i split up mutually then she moved away) and i suppose ive associated my problem with loneliness.

the way i know we have things in common is i work in a supermarket (yeah yeah rubbish job but im payed well and it fits in with the times in at university) and i feel i cant work with anyone unless i atleast say something so ive got little snippets of information such as the fact that we have the same interest in films and are doing the same course at university in september, and ive overheard conversations shes had with friends there.

basically i have no idea why i posted it, i was just on a rant, theres no real question in here, but i am glad of any advice given, basically i know that im going to be seeing her alot more often at university, i guess i just wished to have some form of relationship by september, but looks like it can wait...

yep you need to wait your turn buddy. You have no right trying to split them up. If you wanna be friends thats fine but, quit wishing for what you can't have.

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I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.

Amen---What CGT said is true also,but I don't know how to use two quotes!
Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Well from what I've expereinced, I'd have to say that the sooner you stop putting her on a pedistal and yourself in the ground the better off you'll be, until you see yourself as equal to her things are going to be rather hard, so perhaps you can give the idea of having her a bit of a break and work on building yourself up at the moment, then who knows, if the guys a bit of an ass like yo usay maybe they won't last by that time, or maybe if you just build a friendship with her she'll relize she doesn't have to put up with being treated bad, of course thats assuming she's being treated bad in the first place at all

all in all, the first step is to build yoruself up, which I know can be horribly hard to do, I wish I had a more effective way on how to do that but althoughj psychology is my forte it's so difficult for people to break outta set pattern loops, and really there is no other way to say it than you gotta tear yourself outta it, usualy the hardest part is finding the right motivation

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The higher a person is the further they have to fall.
Only though the suffering of things lost can one
temper there souls to resist the pains that life
has to bring and truely appreciate the joy that comes
with suffering.

Porn_king, I can't say that I really have alot to offer as advice but being larger all my life I can relate to what you are saying. And I can tell you that while it may be hard for you to believe right now, because I used to think the same thing (no one can love me because of the way I look), looks aren't everything and it's what's on the inside that counts.

You mentioned that the two of you will be taking the same course at University, why not talk to her and see if she'd like to entertain the idea of some type of study group, help each other out, become friends, then see where things might lead.

Ok that's my input, but if you ever want to talk to someone who has been in your shoes, give me a shout, can't say that I would be of much help but I am a good listener *HUGS* Hang in there!

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Don't forget to stop and smell the roses *S* @};-

wow, isnt it strange how much can change in two months.

Since i posted this my life has been through alot, my grandmother died after suffering from alzheimers and i made a promise to myself because of that. I decided that i owe something to the hospital ward who cared for my gran in the last years of my life and thought of something to do. In two months time i am running a personal sponsored marathon to raise money for the ward, this means that for the past month and a half ive been training like mad and ive lost alot of weight (im still not in the shape that i want to be but hey, you cant have everything), the girl who i was secretly in love with is now my girlfriend, she approached me not long after i posted this, asking me whether i wanted to go out (she'd split with her boyfriend the week before i posted, didnt know) and one thing led to another.

We havent had sex yet, but both she and i feel that the kind of relationship we're in, that isnt important. I've just never felt better, im fit(ter), i have a girl who (as near as i can tell) loves me like no other girlfriend ive had did. We just lay down together of hours on end talking and hugging and everything.

I know its far to early in the relationship to determine whether either of us 'love' the other, but its just enthusing me with the kind of joy thats been missing in my life for the last number of years.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother passing, but am glad to hear that it was a catalyst for you. I'm sure she would be quite pleased with what you've done.

And I'm glad to hear that you're happy.

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Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

the situation i was in with my grandmother was quite bad. I basically said goodbye to my gran about 3 years ago, because that was the moment when the last remnants of the woman who helped raise me disappeared. So all that was left was me wishing for her to die (its sad to say, but my grandfather was suffering badly, he was in ill health and he visited her everyday) and the stress of the situation has unfortunately (in my belief) cut my grandfathers life short by a number of years.

So basically, ive yet to mourn over my grandmothers death, as i had already prepared myself for it. all that was left after that was determination to do everything i can for one of my closest family who fell victim to the vilest disease on the planet.