Jokes:

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A; 45 minutes!

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: �5 a minute.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.

Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud.

Q: If a dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

Q: What's a blond's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: Why is a hurricane like a woman?
A: It starts with a great blow, but when it's over your house and car are gone.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through the chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

Q: Why are men like public toilets?
A: Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common? 
A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q: What is the difference between a man and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law. 

Q: What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? 

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair.

Q: Did you hear about the snail that was sitting on the edge of the toilet bowl? 

A: He got pissed off...

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short? 

A: So blondes can remember them.

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been using your computer? 

A: There's whiteout all over the screen.

Q: Why did the blonde climb the chainlink fence? 

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What is the difference between OOOOO and AAAAaa?

A: About 3 inches..