To A Policeman

'I can't reach my licence unless you hold my beer.'

'Sorry, Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.'

'Aren't you one of the Village People.'

'Hey! You must've been doin' about 160 kilometres per hour to keep up with me! Good job!'

'Excuse me. Is "stick up" hypernated?'

'I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer?'

'I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.'

'Bad cop! No donut!'

'You're not going to check the trunk, are you?'

'Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on TV news the other night?'

Is it true that people become cops because they can't get work at McDonalds?'

'I pay your salary you know!!'

Do you know why you pulled me over? OK, just so one of us does.'

I was trying to keep up with the traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around _ thats how far ahead of me they are.'

'What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.'

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Sharni,

They went down well at the breatho, thank you!!

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

have several friends who are cops they should find some humor in these,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i hope?

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Rain: Liquid Sunshine!

Life's A Bitch, but I Deal withit!!

I loved the second to last one, Sharniqua! Can't wait to try it myself...

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I wouldn't say that I'm always horny... it may be true, mind you, I just wouldn't say it!

OK, true story. Yes, I know these types of thing are all true stories, but this one is:

A friend of mine was zipping through Georgia at about 70 mph (this was back when the speed limit was 55 mph). cop catches him on radar, pulls him over. Cop gets out of his cruiser, saunters up tot he car.

Cop: "What makes you think you can go through Georgia like that, boy?"

My friend: "Well, SHERMAN did it."

The cop bumped up the speed my friend was travelling at to 1 mph below the limit for immediately hauling his ass in.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

"Whhhhhoooooooah! I was just about to make the jump to hyperspace, dude!"

True story.....

A friends son was pulled over. when the cop got to the window he said.... "Your eyes look bloodshot... You been smoke'n dope?"

The kids reply was great... "Well... your eyes look glazed... you been eat'n to many donuts"

Needless to say.... he had to go bail him out......

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Just voted Chairman of the Board for the I.O.T.T (International Order of Talented Tongues)

Unix Love:
gawk, date, finger, wait, unzip, touch, nice, suck, strip, mount, fsck, umount, make clean, sleep

Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew

I ran into my ex the other day, then I backed up and ran into her again.... I miss her sometimes.

Sit with a pretty woman for an hour and it seems like a minute, sit in a hot oven for a minute and it seems like an hour.

An "X" rated movie is one in which the plot is underdeveloped but the cast isn't.

My last girlfriend had everything, maybe that's why she was quarantined!

LMAO..still chuckling!

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My dad got pulled over for running a red light. Cop asked him why he didn't stop. My dad had sneezed just as the light changed and he didn't see it. My dad also got pulled over for going to slow on a back road. The cop said that he was on his way to a call and needed to speed up. My dad then asked why didn't he just flash his blues and go around if he was on his way to call. On my motorcycle helmet I have a sticker that says "bad cop/no donut". My favorite answer is still "but ossifer I've only had one beer (holds up a magnum bottle) i can't be intoximicated."

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf