Some of them might actually be true. Well, some one has to make them up, even if they're not.

#1:
Ground beef comes from subterranean cows.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

#2
Except for physical and mental issues ... the older you get the younger you feel.

#3 The longer and harder you bash your head against the brick wall, the more chance you'll have of breaking through.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

#4 Climbing the ladder of success goes easy ... if you've got a good ladder with no broken rungs and they're not slippery from the rains or snows of life.

#5 Smoke detectors warn you about two things: a) Fire Hazard & b) Your abilities in the kitchen.

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Eudaimonia

#6 Income taxes are not a problem if your income is low enough.

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Eudaimonia

#8 Congress is debating a new law that all homeowners will have to post a new sign on each of their rest rooms that contains baths or showers: "Nude bathers may be encountered beyond this point," so as not to offend anyone who tries to enter.

#39 Facebook, YouTube and Twitter are all banned in PRP.

__________________
Eudaimonia

#10: Performing a self-appendectomy is a great way to save money and loose weight.

__________________
On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

#11: A new law determined that STOP signs are advisory and not to be enforced.

#12 Bottled water is safe to use directly as an enema.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

#13 We have a congress considering redefining a year to consist of 365 1-day months so that every day can be both a New Year's Eve and a New Years Day. They're only have trouble coming up with enough good names for each month.

#14 Before ice hockey games, the pucks are frozen to prevent them from bouncing during play.

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Eudaimonia

#15 Baseball first started as a contest between two brothers ... one would make a fly take off and the other tried to hit it with a swatter. After three swatting attempts, they switched.