How did he put it ...

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww

Something like that anyway.

The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said,
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't screwin' our sheep; they're eatin' 'em!"

The meeting never really got back to order.

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LOL!

Personal Mottos

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

And just how may I fuck you over today?

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

One of us is thinking about sex...
OK, it's me.

I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

You look like shit. Is that the style now?

Earth is full. Go home.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out all I wanted was paychecks.

It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

(Some of this sounds familiar and so it may have been posted before.
Anyway, I thought it was cute enough to use again. )

Truths that apply every day are always to see.

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I especially liked this one ... Earth is full. Go home.

There is a story of a man who died and went to heaven to find two signs above two different lines.

One sign said: "ALL THOSE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE."

That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity.

The second sign read: "ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE." Underneath the sign stood one man.

He went over to the man, grabbed his arm and said, "What's the secret, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and you are the only one standing in this line."

The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, "Why, I am not sure I know. My wife just told me to stand here."

In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."

With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"

Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."

There are 3 blondes still in the mothers womb. one day they were thinking what they would do when they grow up.

The first blonde thinks hard and says that she wants to be an electrician to get some damn light in here.

The second blonde thinks just as hard and says that she wants to become a plumber to get rid of the water in here.

The third thinks real hard and finally says that she wants to be an exerminator.

The other 2 looked at her like she was crazy and had to ask, "WHY?"

"So i can kill that dang beaver that keeps sticking its head in here!.

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, I don't. And furthermore, why the hell would you ask me that? Is it because I'm Chinese?

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick"

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NOAH TODAY

In the year 2017, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark.

"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a building permit."

"I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving powerlines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"The Immigration Dept. is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up i wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."

ROFLMAO

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I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore. Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges .....

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.

As we lay there making love, I thought ..... "Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money ! !"

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I thought these were cute ...

1.* HOW* DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO** MARRY?*** (written by kids)***

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.* *
--* Alan, age 10*

-*No* person really decides before they grow up who they're* going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.* *
--* Kristen, age* 10****
*
2.***WHAT IS* THE RIGHT AGE TO GET** MARRIED?****
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.**
--** Camille, age 10**
*
3.** HOW CAN A* STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE** MARRIED?****
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be* yelling at the same kids.*
--* Derrick, age* 8****
*
4.***WHAT DO* YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN* COMMON?***
Both don't want any more kids.*** *
--* Lori,* age 8****
*
5.***WHAT DO* MOST PEOPLE DO ON A* DATE?****
-Dates are for having fun, and people* should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.* *
--** Lynnette, age* 8*** *(isn't* she a treasure)*

-On* the first date, they just tell each other lies and that* usually gets them interested enough to go for a second* date.**
--* Martin, age* 10****
*
6.***WHEN IS* IT OKAY TO KISS** SOMEONE?*** *
-When they're rich.* *
--* Pam, age* 7*

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to* mess with that.**
-* - Curt, age** 7
*
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. * *
-* - Howard,* age 8****
*
7.*** *IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?****
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.**
--* Anita, age 9*** (bless you child )**
*
8.***HOW* WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE* DIDN'T* GET* MARRIED?*** *
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?**
--* Kelvin, age 8****

And the #1 Favorite is*........****
*
9.***HOW* WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE** WORK?*** *
*
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like* a dump truck.
--* Ricky, age* 10**