LOL! Most excellent!

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Eudaimonia

Very good.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

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A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed His socks, His new wife asked, "Ewww - what`s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.

"You mean polio?" she asked.

"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off His pants, His bride once again wrinkled up Her nose.

"What`s wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They`re all lumpy and deformed!"

"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked.

"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, Her husband at last removed His underwear.

"Don`t tell me," she said. "Let me guess.. Smallcox?"

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned His father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, `Let`s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time. It should cause the ship to turn over and sink.`

They tried it, and sure enough the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,

`Let`s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.`

At this point he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

`Look,` she said. `I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.`

The Queen is visiting one of Australia`s top hospitals and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

`Oh my God,` said the Queen. `That`s disgraceful. What is the meaning of this?`

The doctor leading the tour explains, `I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn`t do that five times a day they`ll explode and he would die instantly.`

`Oh I am so sorry` said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob.

`Oh my God,` said the Queen, `what`s happening there?`

The doctor replied, `Same problem, better health health insurance policy.`

It was in the PT Barnum Wing.

Truly, there is a sucker born every minute.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Yeah ... isn't it great?

The film board of censors had just viewed a new film of dubious social and artistic value, when the chairman arose and said:

"I believe I speak for all of us when I request another showing of that revolting, disgusting scene with the midget, the airdale, the gorilla, the two naked men and the two naked girls."

A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "I`ve got this problem."

The psychiatrist asks, "What is it?"

"Well, during the day I`m attracted to women, and for some reason at night I`m attracted to men. Do you know what it could be?"

The psychiatrist reflects for a minute a says, "This sounds like a classic case of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hiney."

I wonder if living at a nudist resort takes all the fun out of Halloween?

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C`mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you`d throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn`t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there`s you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says there's been a mistake and sends him down to Hell.

After awhile in Hell, the engineer decides he's uncomfortable and starts to make changes. He makes air conditioners, flush toilets, etc.

A few months go by and God calls Satan up and asks with a sneer "How is going down there?"

Satan replies "It's great! We've got all this great stuff thanks to this engineer."

God asks him "How did you get an engineer? There must have been a mistake. You have to send him up to Heaven."

Satan responds saying "Hell no! I love having him on the staff. He's staying right where he is."

"I'll sue if you don't send him up here where he belongs," says God.

Satan, "Yeah right. Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

^^^^ Love it!