Logical. Yep, very logical.

Hope you know Ole as well as I do.

Ole knows everybody. Ole was bragging to his boss one day, "You know,
I know everyone der is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know
them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Ole how about
Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I ver old friends, and I can prove it."

Ole and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,
and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Ole! Great to see you!

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Ole's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Ole that he thinks Ole's knowing Cruise was
just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Ole says. ''President Obama," his
boss quickly retorts.

"Ya sure," Ole says, "I know him."

We’ll fly out to Washington to see him."

Off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Ole on the tour and
motions him and his boss over, saying, "Ole, what a surprise, I was
just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and
let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

The boss is shaken now, but still not totally convinced. After they
leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Ole, who
again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Ole. "I've known the Pope a long time."

The unconvinced boss flies them off to Rome. Ole and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Ole says; "This will
never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell
you what, I know the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come
out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Fifteen
minutes later Ole emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Ole returns, his boss has had a heart attack and is
surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss's side, Ole asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked,

'Who's that on the balcony with Ole?'

I went to a bullfight, and the crowd was ignoring the matador. They just kept calling out "Ole, Ole !". Popular bugger, isn't he.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

By golly, you betcha!

Quote of a lifetime

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her
sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give
you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you
give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges
what is given to her.





So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

Two police officers, responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired, arrived on the scene and, after discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they called their sergeant.
Hello, Sarge?
Yes.
It looks like we have a homicide here.
What happened?
A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she has just mopped.
Have you placed her under arrest?

No sir,.......the floor is still wet.

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How ya' doing, PF? Good to see you.

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

Oops.

A man sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayed , Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.


Moments later the guy gets a second text:"Really should use spell check! That should be"wifi".

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Bahahahaha.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Two easy mistakes.

A fact you won't soon forget...

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority (MTA)
found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was
concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows,
and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian
Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during
the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on
the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98%
of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were
killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological
Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate
percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road
kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending
danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah",none could say truck......

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I loved it, too!