My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I have a wonderful realtionship. I love him and sex is great between us. We talk about everything and we love to experiment with each other. We are a very opened minded couple. He's away for the summer and I started fooling around with a few other guys...at first, I didn't want anything serious to happen but, I'm a very passionate and horny person...so, I"ve had sex with these guys...it wasn't anything special but I got off and so did they.

My issue is: I don't want to tell him about my 'affairs' because I'm afaird it would hurt him. I've told him that he made the decision to leave and I wanted a break...I wanted to see what other people were like (he was first and only and I just wanted to try new people) In my mind, I am not cheating because I told him that I wanted to be with other people, he just didn't accept it. I don't want to tell him about my little adventures because I don't want to hurt him ( I love this guy). So, in order to make my telling him easier, I'm trying to convience him to sleep with a female friend of his who sounds like she has the hots for him... I feel bad but, I don't...I'm messed up what should I do, please advise

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Sue

Aha!!!! The old "tit for tat"....unfortunately, it does not make you "even"....eventually you may tell him of the others.... the reason people tell is usually to ease their own personal guilt. To confess...in hopes of being forgiven.......but if you do not feel guilty then maybe the confession is unecessary and he will not be hurt.....we make choices and then must deal with the consequences of our actions. If you can live with the consequences then it is alllllllll good!!!! Good luck hun, I hope ya figure it out......

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you're right Lilith... I don't feel bad so why should I hurt the man I adore for no reason at all. But, I really do hope he gets lucky with another beautiful lady so we can discuss our experiences openly. I'm just a horn ball

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Sue

If you have no guilt about your actions (or can live with whatever guilt you have), certainly no need to hurt him...what he doesn't know, etc...as for setting him up with another lady, sounds to me like you would just like to watch it, or even join in for a threesome...if he's willing (as most guys would be), this could open up all kinds of possibilites for an open relationship, and any prior indescretions might become irrelevant...

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Plug me into somethin'

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i'm not much on the idea of a threesome. *shrug* never have been. it's all i can do to focus on one woman, let alone two. and if the last piece of the puzzle was another guy... well... i just don't see it happenin. oh, but yeah, guilt n shit. mm hmm... yeah, that's, uh... okay, so i lost any and all topic-relevance. i'm too lazy to scroll up to see what's goin on, so deal.

Let it be I reckon, you did what was right for you and told him beforehand. No need to complicate things.

I adore you guys, thanks for the advise
cheers!

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Sue

Even if you feel no guilt over these "affairs," what would happen if your boyfriend found about them from someone other than you? Even if it is highly unlikely that he would find out, it may be possible and that may cause an even greater lack of trust on his side than if you had simply told him. Just something to consider.

The men I've been with ALL know that I have a boyfriend of over 2 years and they understand that I'm just using them for some fun for the summer ... there isn't any emotional attachement between these men and I. As for my boyfriend finding out about them...I'm pretty sure he won't. But, if he ever does or even suspects anything, I will be honest with him although it will hurt him. Up to know, he's never asked me if I've slept with anyone else...he knows that I see these other guys on occassion but, he assumes that we're just hanging out and nothing more is happening between us. I think he suspects (afterall, my boyfriend knows that I enjoy being touched and vise versa) but, I think he's not ready to ask me because he really doesn't want to know right now.
However, UnsilenceMe, I have considered the thought of what if he finds out, but, I'm not worried about it at all. But, if he does...I'll deal with it when the time comes I guess.
Thanks for the advise.
It's something to think about (but, again, I"m not worried about it at all)

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Sue

You are a very open-minded couple, so there should be no problem

in telling him about the others.

Your desire for him to have a fling with a girl (of your choice) strikes

me as nothing less than damage control, to lessen your own guilt.

If you had the open relationship you speak of, your time with the

others would not be an issue.

Either 'fess up and see how strong the relationship really is or

wait and see how long it takes the relationship to implode.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I always told my men that if they were going to cheat on me do it, but not with my friends, and if they cheated they had better tell me asap because if someone else told me they were cheating I would have to dump them but if the guy told me then he and I could discuss it. thats how I've always been.... and as for the threesome bit, I agree with Rev Silky in the I have a hard time concentrating on one chick.....but I have a mfm threesome and it wasn't that great. maybe I shoulda let the smaller guy get the back door...... anyway thats my 2bits


Kyttn

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