Last night on the ten news I saw towards the end a report on the attitude towards porn, whether it be from an adult shop or online.
If anyone saw it then you would know what I am talking about.

There was a survey carried out but I only got part of it.

76% of people are not offended by porn.

The other one was about something else that was also related to it.

Now my partner and I got into a discussion about how porn can cause a relationship to fall apart. Well I told her that it wasn’t necessarily the porn itself but the attitude towards it from different parties. Let me explain and I do hope that this is taken in the correct merits.

Ok, this is from a guy’s point of view. Now the average guy works from 9.00 until 5.00 sometimes later. Now this is based on the normal family that has the guy working and the mum at home with kids. He gets home about 2 hours after because of traffic etc. So we are looking at 7.00pm. By this stage the woman is tired from looking after the kids all day and has finished cooking dinner and has her partner’s food either on the plate in the oven staying warm or it is glad wrapped to be reheated in the microwave. That or she has feed the kids and put them to bed and is waiting for him to get home so they can have dinner together. Anyway after dinner they sit down and watch some TV or she goes to bed depending on how tired she is. Now at one point or another the guy will be in bed with his partner and will get adventurous. The woman turns him down due to her being dead tired and the last thing she wants to do is play insert object A into slot B. Now say this continues for a week or longer, as a result of this the guy is pushed into a corner and there is only one option and outlet. For a better choice of words, he takes matters into his own hands. Now there is nothing wrong with this. However from what my partner has told me, when porn rears it’s ugly head women jump the gun and think that he is cheating on her, would rather watch porn than be with her etc. Some of it is probably true to a point. But none of it is. He is after all lying in your bed at the end of the day. Most guys have there ego get in the way, which is the cause of most problems if not all between couples. Now if a guy was like me, as in I am a single parent myself with an 8 year old boy, I work unusual hours and my partner looks after my son while I work. By the time I get home I want to go to bed. Now if she were to get a bit friendly in bed and I wasn’t in the mood and said no every night for a month then she of course would get a little edgy. No I am not justifying why guys watch porn, I am just showing you that it is different when the shoe is on the other foot as they say, but nobody thinks of that. As I said about the guy’s ego, most guys have no idea how to handle getting caught in the act watching porn or for that matter the woman finding said material on PC or in the draw. He blows up and all hell breaks loose. Therein lies the problem. The girl is angry and wants to know why, as a result she attacks her partner and he goes on the defensive and says she is being paranoid etc. She tells him where to go and that is the end of said couple. The issue comes down to one thing and one thing only, communication or lack thereof and not just on the mans part, but also his partner’s for not allowing him to explain his actions. Not that there is much to explain when one is watching porn and has a tent pole in his pants.

Anyway as I stated I hope this doesn’t cause a ruckus in here and allows more insight or perhaps open people’s views a bit from different sides. After all us poor blokes don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to this sort of thing, because people are so anti-porn that it is taking the fun out of being with your partner to begin with.

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There are a LOT of generalisations in that theory.

In our house, until my maternity leave started two weeks ago we both worked and I got home an hour or so after him, then usually cooked dinner, went shopping, watched TV, talked to my family on the phone etc etc. and obviously in the last 7 months this has all been while pregnant. However still it is me who complains about not having enough sex, which I put down to him not being physically attracted to me. This has been something of an issue since before I was pregnant but since the appearance of bump/stretch marks etc has definitely got worse. I imagine I watch more porn and masturbate more than he does, and I would say, although it is in my nature to be more sexually adventurous than him, it is definitely an 'outlet' rather than my preferred method of sexual release. He, on the other hand, still masturbates (presumably!) and I'm sure still uses pornography, however he NEVER approaches me for sex. For this reason, my already heightened-by-being-pregnant insecurities are even more so, as I'm pretty sure he's not looking at slightly overweight pregnant brunettes with cellulite and stretch marks for his gratification.

Me being me, I don't blame him for this, but I would be lying if I said I was completely happy with the situation. I agree that communication is often a problem in relationships, although in our case, do you think I'd be posting this on a thread he may well read if I hadn't already made my feelings clear to him?! As far as I'm concerned he could watch all the porn in the world and masturbate 9 times a day, as long as he was still having sex with me, but when one takes precendent over the other, THAT'S when women get pissed off. When men are upstairs on the computer watching porn (which is NOT the case in this house, by the way) rather than playing with their kids, helping out with household responsibilities or spending quality time with their wives which may well end up leading to sex, that's when women resent porn.

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Well said lou. I have put the same thing up on other forums and thas is by far the most mature and concise response by far. I only generalized it based on the typical family with the guy working. There are different families with the mum working and the dad at home with the kids I do know that. I was using a broad spectrum as an example. I hope other's give an educated answer like yours.

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I am. I know I have quite the goofball reputation and can be sarcastic & quite humorous in real life, but this is sincere. Were you to post anything at all right now...I'd be all over it like white on rice.

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Yep, same.

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Lou,

Your insecurities are your own, your property, your problems, your challenges.

The glitz of commercial porn is a bit like car commercials, you look and know that there almost no connection with the real world.

"slightly overweight pregnant brunettes with cellulite and stretch marks " with jollies on their mind are much more realistic, but perhaps too close to the bone for some.

The body is the shell for the sexy mind, and you need to see (and live) past the
shell.

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Bless you boys and thanks.

I was simply using my own situation as an example to point out why women resent men using pornography, by pointing out that not all men are 'forced into a corner' where porn is their only outlet because of an ungenerous wife. There may well be just as many women forced into that corner due to an uninterested husband.

Unfortunately, because of society's view that men are only ever 'interested in one thing' it's incredibly difficult to accept that your husband doesn't want to have sex with you. It's not considered 'the normal' even though it probably is normal, and makes women in this position internalise their feelings.

A man whose wife is not interested in sex may reach the conclusion that his wife is cold or ungenerous, but a woman whose husband is not interested does not reach the same conclusion. She reaches the conclusion that she is unattractive, particularly when he still seemingly has an interest in sex which does not include her (i.e. watching porn). The fact that porn is far flung from reality only makes a woman feel that the reality of sex with them is not good enough for their husband.

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