Hi All,
I put a thread on a while back about a loveless marriage ,well now i have met someone else , never felt this way about anyone before she is so special dont think ive ever felt like this about any woman before like a little lovesick teenager and she feels the same about me ,only problem is she is married as well and not happy either , im sure a few of you out there have been in a similar situation.???????? need some advice.
how do i tell the wife / what should i do - think im going mad.
1. Tell the truth
2. Just say dont love her and should move out.
3. Stay for the kids sake but will always regret it , after meeting someone so special.
4. Just wait till she throws me out.

blueraider...

First let me say first.. that I understand that love isn't easy.. nor is it easy keeping a marriage together... I wish you luck in whatever you choose... I do believe that everyone does deserve happiness... and I hope that you find yours... before it is too late..

Please don't consider my words for anything more than they are worth... just my opinion...

Why wait until she throws you out? So that she can look like the bad guy? That is a good option... NOT.

Stay for the kids sake? So that they can grow up in a home where there is virtually no display of genuine love and affection? Children who are raised in homes such as that have no idea on how to build functioning loving relationships in their future.. you learn by what you see.. what you experience... Don't think you are doing your kids any favor... what your children deserve is to see their parents happy (together or apart) in loving happy relationships.

Just say you don't love her and move out? Sorry... but in my opinion that is chicken way out.. leaving your spouse behind clueless... so that she will shoulder the blame in her own mind.. the what ifs.. the coulda's.. the shoulda's.. not to mention... from that point forward there will always be a part of her that will believe that EVERY man will do that to her... that she is unworthy..

Tell the truth? Of all the options you posed, this is the ONLY one that has any possible chance of a amiciable outcome. She deserves the truth.. no matter the reasons why the love you had for her once has died.. she has given you beautiful children and years of her life. The least she deserves is the honest truth. It is the only chance you have of getting to the point (down the road) where she won't HATE you for your choices. In time, with the truth.. she will be able to move on with her life... leave the bitterness behind... and find happiness on her terms.

The very least you owe your wife and children are honesty.

Another note on honesty.....
This new lady.... how will she ever be able to believe you.. unless you display honesty and integrity in your life? If you walk away from your wife without explainations and with lies... how is this new wonderful woman going to ever COMPLETELY trust that you won't do the same to her?

Just food for thought...

I have been going mad wondering how do i tell her , what should i say, lie so as not to hurt her , tell the truth might be right ??? thanks anyway.

I would say to tell the truth.It's not easy but,usually,one lie,leads to another,
so that the first will be believed.After 39yrs,of marriage,I can only say,that
a long term relationship & mutual respect,must be based on TRUTH! Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

It is good to tell the truth, but be gentle about it. You did not give us enough information, in my opinion. How old are you? Have you tried counselling with your wife? Is there a chance of reconcilliation. My opinion for what it is worth, is to explore all the options of staying together, and then move out. Then I would live alone till you get some things setteled in your head, and then pursue this girl. If it is true love will stand the test of time. Also she probably needs to sort some stuff out too. Just don't be too hasty.

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Susan

I am going through an almost identical dilemma myself, and do not have the answers either. Therefore, I will be reading the advice right along with you! Best of luck man, it is a VERY tough situation that we are in!!!

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.