Anyone ever read any of these? I've found a few recently that are great....here's a sampling. Do you ever want to write a rant/rave to an anonymous forum? Want to help me compose one for CL?

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Wife + Kids = No Sex and the Departure of My Sanity

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Thu Dec 01 17:04:58 2005


Hey married ladies, answer a question for me - is it really such a chore to have sex with your husband?

I’m one of the many husbands (possibly wives) out there who’s kids tripped over the cord on the sex machine, ripping the plug right out of the wall. That humming and sputtering sound you hear is the machine slowly grinding it’s way to a gear freezing halt, its future destination: – the appliance graveyard under the sink where the Salad Shooter currently resides.

Somebody help me out here – what do you do when your partner in life is great in every other way, but is a passion(less) fish in the bedroom? While, you yourself are one serious horn dog? For the sake of the kids, do you suck it up and be unhappy hoping and praying that your sex drive will start to wane? Do you continue to take matters into your own hands until you’ve exhausted every masturbatory move known to man including several you’ve taken it upon yourself to invent? I recommend the “Under the leg, Tiger Claw hold” – patent pending. Do you consider taking anti-depressants just for the libido reducing side effect? Hell, I’m depressed anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone.

Yes, I am at fault for marrying my wife – I literally knew what bed I was making and chose to lie in it, so maybe I have no reason to complain. Even before the kids came along our sex drives were not aligned, but we worked on it. Sex was never an area where she was interested in making a investment or being adventuresome. Sure, she’ll spend three weeks looking to find the perfect sofa cushions, but two minutes to put on a piece of lingerie isn’t worth the time, it just comes off anyway. Although it just donned on me – maybe some role-playing is what we need. She can be the sexy interior decorator and I’ll dress up as the perfect antique coffee table – a perfect coffee table is HOT! - Queue porn music.

I am a good and considerate lover, always concentrating on her needs in the bedroom. I will happily go down on her for as long as she wants, and when I do the big O hits like a hammer. If that’s the case, why doesn’t she want it more often – I just don’t get it. If it feels that good, why not experience it al the time? No need for a special occasion, but if necessary we can create one, “A new bottle of shampoo! Hey great, let’s fuck!!” I know she may be self conscious about her body, but she’s beautiful to me. Message to my wife – you are the sexiest woman on the planet when you choose to be.

And no, I don’t look like Quasimodo – I’m actually in good shape, and the same weight I was when we were married o so long ago. And, I’m not one of these dipshit husbands that goes out with his friends to play video games until the wee hours of the morning – I don’t have any interest in an XBOX, I just want my wife’s box. Nope, I get it – I buy her flowers, I do the dishes, I work as a partner around the house. I express affection even when I’m not looking for sex – okay, I pretend I’m not looking for sex. I don’t have a drinking or drug problem, I’m not abusive, and I’m not a lazy piece of shit. No, I have a good job, I’m a good father, I’m reliable, responsible, and a really great guy - apparently humble too.. On the weekends I stay with the kids so she can get a break, – I sincerely appreciate what she does for us, but being a stay at home Mom doesn’t give her the right to neglect her husband.

Maybe I’ve just spent too long placing her needs ahead of my own that its become a paradigm that will be impossible to reverse. But you know what, I deserve better. I’m not asking for much just a little sex, and maybe taking the initiative to start something once in a while…or put 1% of the energy you spend on wanting other things (newer better house, new clothes, new body) to wanting your husband. And for the love of God, show some fucking creativity once in a while – I would be willing, make that eager, to try anything once. She won’t admit to it, but she’s got to have some kind of twisted fantasy buried deep inside – whatever it is, I’ll do it! “Honey, I hate to admit it but I’d love to paint your toenails and then beat you with a raw pork chop.” “Okay, do you want to use an extra lean cut or something with a lot of bone?”

I would throw this out there as a warning to my fellow man/woman – if sex is truly important to you, make sure you’re sexual soul mates. Don’t believe those discussions where your spouse says, “it’s not going to be different after we have kids,” because you know what – IT IS - and it’s really, really going to suck. After a couple of years you’ll feel like your soul is eroding – you’ll feel hurt, rejected, and very angry. After a while you’ll find yourself online, anonymously bitching to thousands of strangers. In the long run I know it will be worth it, being a father is an amazing experience, maybe the gain is worth the pain – but it’s a significant amount of pain. And, I’m just not a selfish enough prick to give up being able to see my kids on a daily basis just so I can get some action. Nope, I’m pretty much screwed.

Yes, communication is the key to any good relationship – unfortunately we’ve already communicated this to death. There’s just not much you can do when the answer to “what can I/We/anybody do to help you” is “I don’t know.” Talk to somebody, take a pill, push a button, just try something, anything. My sanity is slowly….slipping….away.

ARRGHHHHHHHH……..feel better, thanks. Flame on!

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Our eyes met during last night's orgy, but I didn't catch your name - m4w - 36

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Tue Nov 22 09:50:53 2005


I wanted to talk to you, but you are so much more attractive than most of the middle-aged has-beens in last night's pile that I couldn't get a moment alone, or even as part of a threesome or foursome with you. There was a brief moment, while you were reverse cowgirling that old guy and jerking off two midgets while orally satisfying the butch chick in the leather chaps, when our eyes met, and it was magic.

First, I want to be clear that I wasn't calling you a filthy whore, it was the woman I was doggy-styling, and that was only after her repeated insistence that I talk dirty to her. I promise I would treat you more respectfully than that.

I also want to make clear that I don't normally go down on other guys, but since you were taken and she was the only other attractive woman there, and part of the package was that her husband had to get in on the action, well, desperate times call for desperate acts...

Anyway, the point is, I think I love you. I know, we've not met, and I don't think any of my semen actually ended up in you, though we can't be sure of that, now can we, but probably not, so that makes us complete strangers. But there was that moment, that electric moment, before you started to gyrate wildly and cry out in some foreign language (was that French? I love French), and before I had to take on that unsavory but necessary oral task that I'd just as soon forget, except for this persistent heartburn I've got today, when we connected, and it was as if I could see into your soul, and you into mine.

So can't we give it a try? All I'm asking for is a cup of coffee. And perhaps a threesome, if your roommate is hot, or if we meet a sexy stranger on the street. But let's just start by getting to know each other, okay?

Look, in this crazy, mixed up world we call earth, if you can't take a chance when you connect with someone even though you haven't yet fucked them, then when can you take a chance? Write back, my love.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

RAVE You With Your Daughter - At Albertsons

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Mon Nov 14 07:40:55 2005


I saw you, standing in line. I was standing one line over and 5 people back just "people watching", when you caught my eye.

You were wearing a simple business attire type of outfit. Tans, browns, matching shoes (complete with some type of gum from a child). You had a full cart - and one little girl. You were heavy set - about 40-45. You had a basic haircut and tasteful makeup. You wore no wedding ring. I can't imagine for the life of me...why.

Do you know you are my hero? Do you know that even in your hurry to get through line, home to make dinner, wash clothes, pay bills, call YOUR mom, and hunt down lunch money for your daughter - that I found you to be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Did you know that you touched everyone around you? Did you know that your compassion humbled me?

Your child was antsy and beginning to whine. You were doing your best to be patient. Your daughter grabbed candy off the shelf for the fifth time and you initially flashed angry. Then, your eyes softened and you hugged her instead. The look she gave you (which you did NOT/could not see)shouted volumes about who YOU really are.

That ONE act of compassion towards your child changed me. You gave me hope. You made me smile and brought a tear to my eye. Just 1 isle over from you, another mom was impatient, angry and choose to ignore HER child who was behaving much like your own. She shut out her irritations-but it was YOU who changed the world. Not her. You.

Thank you lovely lady. I don't know your name, or where you live - but I will never forget your face, and the love you showed on it for your little girl. Your daughters face glowed and in that one instant, she showed us all who the hero of the day was. It was you. Just one harried mom in a sea of frustrations (I saw your car too - it's a beater), trying to get thru all of this. You taught me that in a sea of chaos, there are still angels (dressed as average, middle aged women) who can change the world.



Thank you !!

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Pennies.

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Fri Nov 11 09:25:03 2005


Are we done with the fucking pennies yet?

Because it is time. The American public hasn’t been using them for about a decade. They have become so worthless, that people give them to each other as a matter of routine. Get your change, pick out the pennies, and leave them there for the next guy. Need a penny or two? Well, there should be a few there for you, because the last guy sure as fuck didn’t want his. That’s the game.

I hate when stores don’t want to play by the game. If a store doesn’t have a little tray, I am immediately annoyed. The hell if I’m fishing another dollar out of my pants because it came to $5.02. When that cash register rings up $5.02 and you look at me, we’re fixing to have a long staredown. I’ll return an item before I break another dollar and let you give me three more of the fucking things in return. And that item probably had a profit margin of at least $.03 to you, so who’s the loser now? Get it? As long as they’re still around, you better play by the game.

When there is no tray, my normal routine has become to fish through my change and immediately pick them out and deposit them into the trash. Not only are they worthless, but they are disgusting, and I’m not carrying them around. Most have been in circulation for 20 years, and as the stepchild of your change purse, they have been given no love. They live in ashtrays, parking lots, and huge jars owned by 72 year old men who remember when they were worth something. Old copper is gross enough to start with. Add to the fact that they are covered in gum and shit and filth, and you need to wash your hands every time one touches you.

Think about this: a stamp costs $0.37. 37 pennies weigh 6 ounces. It takes about two stamps to mail 6 ounces of stuff. Therefore, if I wanted to mail someone 37 cents in pennies, it would cost me 74 cents. By my definition, it’s pretty clear cut. When a monetary unit can’t afford to mail itself, it’s worthless. Don’t get all cocky either, nickels…….you aren’t far behind. (I don’t really know how much 37 pennies weigh, that was just a guess. I have a scale in my office, and would find out, but I can’t. I threw out all my fucking pennies. Just trust me though….I’m right on this general principal. I know by instinct that they can’t mail themselves.)

Vending machines won’t even take them. They hired engineers to assure that any penny which entered the slot would be immediately routed straight to the change opening. Think about the engineering involved. Dimes, which are smaller than pennies, go right into the till, but they had to create some sort of mechanism that would sort out and eliminate any penny that enters the machine, lest they get involved with the REAL money that is in there, and gross it all up.

Have you ever tried to give one to a bum? Seriously. I almost got in a fight in San Francisco over the fact that I gave a bum some pennies. The man had no home, was hungry, cold, and hopeless, yet when I gave him a handful of pennies, he tried to spit on me. Fortunately, his lack of front teeth seriously affected his aiming abilities and I easily dodged the saliva-based projectile, but nonetheless.

Isn’t this enough evidence for Alan Greenspan and the Fed to say enough is enough? I now summarize my case:

1. Pennies are considered worthless, even by homeless people
2. Pennies are disgusting
3. Pennies can’t even mail themselves
4. Americans are actually giving them to strangers, like some nationwide game of hot potato
5. Vending machines are even too smart to take them. Their job is to take money, not pennies.

Case Closed. Please, Federal Reserve, I beg you. End the game.

I’m done with the fucking pennies.

Sully

__________________
Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

those are great!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Thankls for the laffs, now I don't need to rave!

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Hot Erotic Wife Sharing, Cuckold & Interracial Stories

Real swingers meet here. Free Membership

"Share your Wife so other men can enjoy her too"

lol.


um...i wonder if that person hates pennies? throws them away? dang, that's cold. poor pennies.

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

osuche,

Yes'm. One on the lack of civility would be timely. Society has descended to the level where people write books about its absence.

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Eudaimonia

Muahmmad Ali - How to be a Man 101

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Wed Nov 09 11:56:51 2005


I grew up with an abusive father. As most physically abusive parents, his abuse reached an apex when I was younger and smaller. As I grew up and got tall and bigger, the abuse slowed and eventually, when it looked as though I might be able to defend myself, it stopped altogether. This is not a new story.

I'm forty-four years old. The first time I remember hearing the name Muhammad Ali was in Juanuary, 1971, when he fought Joe Frazier in New York's Madison Square Garden. The highly touted "Battle of the Century." I grew up in rural Missouri so the mere sound of the name Muhammad Ali grated on my ear. I didn't know a muslim from muscrat. But I did know this: My DAD hated that "loud mouthed, draft dodgin' nigger." And I hated my dad. So I decided I loved Muhammad Ali.

Ali lost that fight. Frazier beat him fair and square. I collect fight films now as a hobby and I've seen the fight a hundred times. Frazier won it. And his monumental left hook in the fifteenth round should be taught in boxing textbooks.

But more to the point, I learned my first lesson in How to be a Man 101 from that fight: lose gracefully. Ali's response to the fight at the press conference, his jaw swollen literally to the size of a grapefruit: "Joe beat me. He's the champion. But I'll be back." Huh? What happened to "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee?" What happened to "I am the greatest?" What happened to "If Joe even dreams he can beat me, he oughta wake up and apologize?" Lose gracefully. And never stop trying.

Some short time later I began to box myself. I joined Golden Gloves. I learned what I could of "the sweet science." I competed. I was never really very good, but I won some. And I kept trying.

In 1972, Ali got his jaw broken in the first round against a former Marine that no one outside of California had ever heard of: Kenny Norton. Ali fought the next eleven rounds with a broken jaw. He lost that fight, too. The pain must have been nearly unimaginable. And the fight (which, again, I've seen many times) was VERY close. Another lesson from Ali in How to be a Man 101: keep trying through adversity. Endure pain. Fight THROUGH the pain. Never let 'em see you hurt. And above all, don't quit.

Later, like Frazier, he came back to defeat Norton twice. Lesson number three: If at first you don't succeed...face your fears AGAIN. If you know you're better than your failure - take it on again and prove it to yourself.

In 1974, Muhammad Ali fought a real-life, living, breathing boogey man: George Forman. A giant of a man that had actually crippled other fighters in the ring. He'd decimated both Frazier and Norton in previous fights. He'd hit Frazier so hard he lifted him four feet off the mat. He'd knocked Kenny Norton asleep. He beat him like a rug the year earlier and Norton didn't wake up until he was in his dressing room. As often as the movies may portray that sort of thing, the truth is in professional fighting it's nearly unheard of.

And now Ali, at 32, way, way past his prime as a pugilist, was facing him on the dark continent - the Congo itself, Zaire. Never in a thousand years could anyone expect to find a more compelling match up between men. Foreman could barely put a sentence together back then - he usually just glared at people if he didn't feel like acknowledging him. Ali, on the other hand, had done the impossible over the past 10 years: he had gone from Most Hated Athlete in America to Most Adored HUMAN on the Face of the Earth. And, of course, he reveled in it. He talked about EVERYthing - tooth decay, racism, boxing, music, magic tricks...anything that caught his fancy. Smiling, laughing, giggling, chortling, merry-making his way through the sweltering pre-rainy season of Kinsasha. Not a care in the world.

Of course, that wasn't true, though. Ali was worried. Years later he acknowledged his fear in an interview with George Plimpton. "I was afraid for my children," he said, "I was afraid if maybe Big George broke my spinal column or something, how would I feed my children?" My God, it's astonishing to think of the fear that must have enveloped him for those three months prior to the fight.

He fought "The Rumble in the Jungle" against George Foreman on October 31st at three in the morning. He gave birth to the "rope-a-dope." He took back his title and knocked Big George to the canvas for ten seconds in the eighth round. He hit him with a series of lightning quick, sniper-like lefts and rights that were almost invisible to the naked eye in their fury and quickness. It was . . . magnificent.

Another lesson: Might isn't always right. Face your fears. Do your best. If you can't go OVER the wall...figure a way to go around it. Think on the spot. Don't be tied to a pre-arranged plan if it isn't working. Fear is sometimes just and only that - fear.

I met him in New York in 1989. Parkinson's Syndrome had changed him irrevocably by then. There was a hint of the old Ali smile. A glimmer in the eyes. I shook his hand in a diner on 37th and 3rd. He had very big hands. I leaned in close to him and said in his ear very quickly - there were many others trying to touch him - "You helped me grow up and be who I am today." He stopped what he was doing (signing autographs and shaking hands) for just a heartbeat, a blink, and looked full square in my eyes. I had tears in them. He said, "Boy, I was something, wasn't I?"

You were.

You are.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

I am nominating Craig for head of FEMA

(Osuche note: a few weeks late, but this made me giggle)

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Sat Sep 10 22:41:39 2005


This is what Craig has done during his tenure with me:
1. gotten me laid many times
2. found me a boyfriend
3. rid me of my boxes
4. found me roommates
5. rid me of my roommates
6. found me exercise partners
7. did I mention gotten me laid?

I think the fact that Craig achieved #1 and 2 says that this guy can tackle a hefty job. #3 says he can handle movement of supplies. #4 and #5 says he knows how to manage people. Everyone knows that Craig has shown himself the world over to be a superior supplier of housing. In addition, Craig knows toxic waste- I mean, he manages numerous Casual Encounters boards.

There is no better man or woman for this job. Vote Craig!!!

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Jseal, I agree. Two ways to approach this....one is to complain. Another is to extoll the virtues of someone who gets it right.

You're right....extolling virtues is MUCH too subtle for them to understand.

__________________
Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

osuche,

Possibly, but I'm unsure that we could do better than she has.

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Eudaimonia

/me starts to wonder if jseal is sending me a message.

__________________
Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney