Hi All,
I put a thread on a while back about a loveless marriage ,well now i have met someone else , never felt this way about anyone before she is so special dont think ive ever felt like this about any woman before like a little lovesick teenager and she feels the same about me ,only problem is she is married as well and not happy either , im sure a few of you out there have been in a similar situation.???????? need some advice.
how do i tell the wife / what should i do - think im going mad.
1. Tell the truth
2. Just say dont love her and should move out.
3. Stay for the kids sake but will always regret it , after meeting someone so special.
4. Just wait till she throws me out.

blueraider...

First let me say first.. that I understand that love isn't easy.. nor is it easy keeping a marriage together... I wish you luck in whatever you choose... I do believe that everyone does deserve happiness... and I hope that you find yours... before it is too late..

Please don't consider my words for anything more than they are worth... just my opinion...

Why wait until she throws you out? So that she can look like the bad guy? That is a good option... NOT.

Stay for the kids sake? So that they can grow up in a home where there is virtually no display of genuine love and affection? Children who are raised in homes such as that have no idea on how to build functioning loving relationships in their future.. you learn by what you see.. what you experience... Don't think you are doing your kids any favor... what your children deserve is to see their parents happy (together or apart) in loving happy relationships.

Just say you don't love her and move out? Sorry... but in my opinion that is chicken way out.. leaving your spouse behind clueless... so that she will shoulder the blame in her own mind.. the what ifs.. the coulda's.. the shoulda's.. not to mention... from that point forward there will always be a part of her that will believe that EVERY man will do that to her... that she is unworthy..

Tell the truth? Of all the options you posed, this is the ONLY one that has any possible chance of a amiciable outcome. She deserves the truth.. no matter the reasons why the love you had for her once has died.. she has given you beautiful children and years of her life. The least she deserves is the honest truth. It is the only chance you have of getting to the point (down the road) where she won't HATE you for your choices. In time, with the truth.. she will be able to move on with her life... leave the bitterness behind... and find happiness on her terms.

The very least you owe your wife and children are honesty.

Another note on honesty.....
This new lady.... how will she ever be able to believe you.. unless you display honesty and integrity in your life? If you walk away from your wife without explainations and with lies... how is this new wonderful woman going to ever COMPLETELY trust that you won't do the same to her?

Just food for thought...

I have been going mad wondering how do i tell her , what should i say, lie so as not to hurt her , tell the truth might be right ??? thanks anyway.

I would say to tell the truth.It's not easy but,usually,one lie,leads to another,
so that the first will be believed.After 39yrs,of marriage,I can only say,that
a long term relationship & mutual respect,must be based on TRUTH! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

It is good to tell the truth, but be gentle about it. You did not give us enough information, in my opinion. How old are you? Have you tried counselling with your wife? Is there a chance of reconcilliation. My opinion for what it is worth, is to explore all the options of staying together, and then move out. Then I would live alone till you get some things setteled in your head, and then pursue this girl. If it is true love will stand the test of time. Also she probably needs to sort some stuff out too. Just don't be too hasty.

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Susan

I am going through an almost identical dilemma myself, and do not have the answers either. Therefore, I will be reading the advice right along with you! Best of luck man, it is a VERY tough situation that we are in!!!

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.

I'd say the truth will be the only way out, if only because it's impossible to keep your lies straight...if you find a good way out that doesn't hurt everybody involved, please let us all know, based on my experience there ain't no good way...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

The truth shall set you free...and lies and deception only cause more pain.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Amen.

Well, I hate to be the odd one out here.

No offense here, like someone else said, this is just my opinion. But it's a sharp one and a little harsh.

First, what the hell were you doing talking to someone, or being close to someone when you have a wife? What in your mind, at any time, made this okay? No matter what kind of thrill you are getting from it, it is WRONG. And, this is true of both of you.. if you will do it once, then you will do it again. Your girlfriend now knows you will freely, willingly, and without hesitation screw around on your wife, the only thing that will change is who the wife is. When you get tired of her, then what? How do you think she can live with you, knowing you are not able to be faithful? How can you be with her, knowing she is not able to be faithful?

There will always be, in life, someone sexier, someone smarter, someone funnier. No matter who you are with, even this woman whom "you've never felt anything like this before" for, will become familiar after you've been together. She will become mundane, every day, so-so. Her bad habits will become appearant again, the rose colored glasses will fall away, and you'll be full circle again.

Love is extremely hard work, and frankly, if you are out fucking around on your wife, it's work you're not willing to put in. You want that thrill? You're going to have to either find it again with whom you are with (even if you leave for this woman, you'll have to revive this feeling later with HER, too), or you will have woman after woman until you are old and hateful because no woman has ever been "good enough" to keep you interested.

Part of your thrill is doing something forbidden. And now, you are asking us to support your desire to take the easy way out and go grab the thrill, ruin the lives of your wife, your children, your girlfriend's life (how will she feel when you are doing the same thing in 5 or 10 years to her?), and her husband's life. As well as THEIR children's lives if they have them.

The fact of the matter is, that part of you that is thrilled by screwing around behind your family's back will not magically go away.

Don't expect that when you are living with your new sweety, she will be equally as attractive for the rest of your life. She will become as familiar and annoying in her own way as your current wife.

If you are not willing to put in the work of a relationship, then you are not willing to put in the work of a relationship. It's that simple, and I for one, will not support your desire to go start the cycle again just because someone outside your marriage has caught your dick's fancy. You are infatuated with this other woman. When the infatuation is gone, and infatuation ALWAYS GOES, you will be out looking for infatuation again.

You are like so many millions of people who divorce. You are looking for someone to maintain the infatuatous giddy feeling. It will NEVER EVER happen unless you WORK YOUR ASS OFF for it, and you are obviously not willing to.

Does your wife deserve this? Is she a BAD person? Has she screwed around on you? Is she evil, is she abusive? If she has not done something extreme, and has merely drifted away, it is because YOU LET HER GO as much as she went away.

Decide now what kind of person you are. It will set the precendent for your life and your relationships to come.

Sweetlady~ he asked for advice not approval or condemnation. We have no idea about the aspects of his life/marriage. It was a general question...truth or lie? A full scale attack hardly seems appropriate. Maybe you should read around a bit to see that typically while we make our opinions known and try to give advice, most do so with out trying to tear the person down for the choices they make in their life.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Holy shit!My 92yr old,Catholic,mother is posting here.I didn't even know that
she knew what pixies was! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

I agree it was pretty condeming, but she has some things right. Like it does take work! I personally don't think another partner should ever be the reason for leaving. Differences, fear of spouce, alcoholism, abuse (mental included) are all reasons for leaving...but another person to facilitate that is just plain wrong.

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Susan

Some of us are aware he had previously posted about his marriage, before anyone else was involved.

http://216.150.92.84/forums/showthread.php?t=20628

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

He asked for advice, I gave him advice. It's honest advice and just as valid. I don't believe he will feel good about himself if he does this. I don't believe he will be happy a few years down the road when the infatuation is gone, and he finds two wives, two lives, gone. And his first wife, who gave so much to him and to his children will be beyond his reach when he wakes up.

Someone has to care enough about his pride, his self-dignity, and his future, to say something. Life isn't always kind, and love is NEVER an easy simple thing. Love is a difficult life decision that you have to stick to, even when you desperately want to give up.