Hi guys, I know I'm new and it seems like all I do is ask for advice, but you guys have been so cool already so...

As I previously mentioned, I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, we've been together for about two years total. I have two questions here:

1) He wants me to move out to where he is. I want to move there too, because I really want to be with him and we have been talking about moving in together and, eventually, marriage. However, I'm still in college and the out of state tuition would be a lot more than I am paying now (and I'm on full scholarship so that means I don't really pay for anything), so that would kind of be a burden. I dunno, am I being too rash about this, not only financially?

2) We see each other about every month and a half to two months. I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions about how to keep our sex life spicy when we can't actually have sex. I've sent him naked pictures and stuff online (hehe), but that's pretty much it. I just want to keep him interested and thinking about the next time he's going to be with me .

Any suggestions you guys have...bring 'em on! THANKS!

Cherry

Ma bell

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

Hiya CherryChick,

Hope this helps you.

1) The most important thing here is that you are thinking with your head and weighing up all of the options. If you don't have that much longer to go at college then stick with it. Although money is definitely not everything, if the costs of moving puts a burden on you then unfortunately it will end up putting a burden on the relationship.

2) Keeping things spicy can be difficult for long distance (I have had 2 long distance relationships so know how you feel). For me the best thing my girlfriend would do was send me surprises. little cards with messages, some of them dirty, some of them just saying that she loved me etc. Also we enjoyed phone sex quite a lot, and played various games over the phone. It all depends on what things you and him are into.

Whatever happens, I hope things get easier for you.

CherryChick - I'm sorry but the prognosis is not good. Either of you could find yourself carrying on an intense phone relationship at the same time that you have been picked up (cherry-picked up) by a real live breathing, hot, juicy sex partner. [What's she got that I haven't? Nothing, Honey, but she's got it here.]

But it is possible to survive separation. Then you have the difficulty of getting back together. It will probably take 2 or 3 months to get back in tune, so don't make any important commitments (job, money, house) until after that period.

So having handed out the boring fatherly advice, I suggest you go right ahead and do whatever it was you were going to do anyway. Feel free to cry on my shoulder if you don't make it.....

Hey Cherry I'm in the same boat as you are. My fiance and I have been in the same situation now for about a year and a half (we've been together 2 years). I contemplated going to live out in Colorado with him (I'm from the southeast), but the out of state tuition there is ungodly expensive. So I decided to stick it out here instead. Honestly, I feel like I'd be giving up a lot by moving out there right now, and not just financially. Like it or not, life threw us a curveball and we have the perfect opportunity to see if we can work through it. It definitely sucks, but it's not the worst thing in the world. If two people can make it being apart, they can certainly make a relationship work being together. Just be sure to weigh the pros and cons, and make sure you aren't the one making all the sacrifices-- if something did happen to your relationship after you moved, would you still be happy on your own? Unlike Eric, however, I have known quite a few folks who have made long distance relationships work-- Just don't take people's word for it, look at your own relationship and how it has progressed.
As far as the sex, make lists of naughty ideas you come up with to experiment with next time you are together... the anticipation will almost kill you, but it'll definitely be worth it when you are together again. I know you guys can make it work--
Best of luck from a fellow college student in L.D.Relationship stress,
Kate

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I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth - whether it existed before or not.
-John Keats

I completely agree with katekate!!! I've been in LD relationships that work and I NEVER compromised what I wanted. Have you discussed having him move to where you are? If it would be a heavier financial burden on you, I'd try to stick it out where you are for now. You'll still get to see him and I'm a true believer in "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Good luck!

A small question....is a LDR even worth attempting? or is the strain from state to state too great for a relationship to actually last?? Just curious...*cheeky grin*

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"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."

Thanks for the advice, guys. For the skeptics-YES the relationship is totally worth it. I know the chances of me finding a guy who I so completely mesh with is a zillion to one, and I HAVE found him, so why should 1500 miles make a difference?
Plus-if we do want to live together, or at least NEAR each other, it'll HAVE to be my move, at least for the next few years. He's in the military and he pretty much goes wherever they want him to. The place he's at now, he'll be in for a few more years, and I'll have finished school by then, so then it'll be his turn to follow ME around .

BTW-if anyone is in a long distance relationship and needs someone to bitch/cry to, I am all over that. Just email me at [email protected]

Cherry

I am in a similar situtattion.. so I can't offer alot of advice....

Cherry Darlin, I got 'em all topped for distance. I've had a running relationship with an Aussie and I'm in Georgia. It takes LOTS of communication and patience. It may go bust any day now but we've been "together" 18 months. We plan to meet sometime this year. I can honestly say it's been tough and if this one doesn't work..... never again....but she's something special and well worth pains.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Well, again as always, a lot of good advice has already been posted, one thing I think you have to be though is honest with yourself and to the person you are with. Open communication is key, especially in a long distance relationship, I have been in one myself that lasted for two years, and I learned a lot from it. Be honest, be upfront and never shirk if you have questions on issues you have, tell your boyfriend any concerns, anxieties so that nothing is left open for chance and misunderstanding.

Actually currently I am getting to know someone who lives 3500 miles away from me lol...I never thought I would be so "stupid" again (and yes that is a joke ) but here I am...the strangest things can happen in life...anyway we have been talking for the past four months or so, not as long as you but I am hoping something good comes out of it, but I digress as the focus of the thread is YOU, and not me

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"And as we all play parts of tomorrow, some ways will work and other ways we'll play. And I know we can't all stay here forever, so I'll write, my words on the face of today...and then they'll paint it" - Shannon Hoon

Of course you're not stupid! Most people I know who were in one LD relationship that didn't work find themselves in another one not too long down the road. I think it has something to do with being well-travelled or willing to take a risk or willing to open up online.

I am sorry to say but I have been in two intense long distance relationships but no matter how hard you try and make it work it is just too difficult. You never learn to have an "ordinary" day. Everyday is special because of your limited time together ...so I think it makes it very hard to truly know the person.

My heart goes out to you as one LDR person to another. My fiance and I have been in this now for 2 years and hope to finally be together permanently this summer. He isn't in this country at present, and we rarely are able to have phone contact. I do recall from another LDR years ago that when I'd get really sexually frustrated, I'd call him and say, "Baby, will you please talk me through an orgasm?" He loved it, and I became so conditioned to his voice, that I could easily come just from the sound of his voice, no touching necessary. It was a great asset even when we WERE together to be able to respond to his voice like that.

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Communication is the key.