1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....I said, "Dust!"


Ladies, Please refrain from stone throwing.

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

11. Wife says, "I want to make my breasts bigger."
Husband says, "Rub toilet paper over them, you do that to your ass and it's been getting bigger for years."

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CK

"Women, you can't live with them ... pass the beer nuts." - Norm Peterson (George Wednt) on Cheers

"Sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck." - Tom Cruise in Risky Business

"It tastes so good. Once it hits your lips." - Frank the Tank in Old School

Let's not forget that :-

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

hehehe

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FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

I'm definitely no fan of sexist jokes (why are sexist jokes OK in our society, but racist jokes are not??). But I will say this:

I do believe it was the women who started this, Skip. If one dishes it out, one should also be able to take it.

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# 5, 8, and 9 all apply at my house............he's behind me nodding

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Heeeeeeeheeeeee, aren´t the bad jokes the best jokes?

But, women, never forget, we couldn´t live without you!!

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

12. Man isn't complete until marriage: then he's finished.

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I'm your Huckleberry.

I think, therefore I am...




...single.

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I'm your Huckleberry.

This is an equal opportunity line........Grandma says!!!!

Love is blind......but marriage is an eye opener!

Um.............Well Um..............Oh fuck! Never mind!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

OK, since we're on the sexist jokes, (I'm sure some have seen this one in an e-mail)

The wife goes into the kitchen and sees her husband stalking around with the fly swatter.
She says "What are you doing"
He says "Hunting flies"
She says "Oh, really. Having any luck?"
He says "Yep. I got three males and two females."
She says "How do you know if they are male or female?"
He says "Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone."

I know lots of sexist jokes

but this one always holds true in my house

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?




















No one knows, they would rather sit in the dark and bitch about it!

Just this morning as a matter of fact.

this is a bit of a shot off at a tangent but............

" Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxers?


















Your mum!

See below for other wise cracks at women!!!!
and by the way? I don't believe any of them, or so i was told to say by her in doors!!!!!

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If love is bad then I`m EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

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~ Nikki ~

"In love there are no rules".......Bono