Hello all

I am a man who has a major fetish for Lady's Lingerie, to see ladies in it or to be in it my self(i know kinkey).

I have a question and was wondering if any one could help ??

Wife knows i like lingerie to wear and look at and now refuses to wear any more(always an excuse). She had found a few things that were mine and she threw them out, i was wondering if any one knows a way to makes it easier for a lady to accept me for likeing this the way i do ?????????????????,
she has the idea that it makes me gay, a perv, a wierdo, a nonuseful thing to her, very kinkey(not a bad thing i think), and some other things too....

(note i dont want to change her and i love her very much but would be nice if she could accept me for me, instead of hiding it)

Any ideas would be more then helpful,

Thank u so very much

Mike'Lingerie

You are asking for her to accept things she has obviously decided she does not want. Is she angry about it or just sure that these things bother her?

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<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
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Your wife's idea of what lingerie means seems to be a huge threat. Perhaps she is afraid because she doesn't understand your particular "kink" So instead of trying to accept and understand it she is pushing it away in the hopes that you will return to "normal"

If you want her to embrace this part of yourself then you have to try to make her see exactly what it means. You have to to give her the reassurance she needs. However, some people are never able to understand a certain kink. If that is the case then you have to decide what is important to you. Sometimes we have to hide our kinky ways in order to keep the peace. I hope you can make her see your side of the issue and that she can take pleasure in it with you.

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just threw them out? no talking? no wondering? no interest? no empathy? except calling you names? wow. i'm floored. with that attitude, i'm not sure there's anything that would help her accept this side of you. there are certainly lots of people, male and female, who have the same fetish...perhaps if she knew that, she wouldn't see you as so "nonuseful" (ouch). you certainly can't force her to accept it or even understand it, like the ladies up there^^^ said, but you can talk. so talk, if she's willing. if she isn't, i frankly don't know what the solution would be. hide it? could mean worse problems in the future. live without it? makes her happy but not you.

if it helps at all, i don't think you're a freak and i don't think it's fair of her to make you feel that way.

all of the above is assuming that you told her. if she had to find it out on her own, then you're prolly dealing with feelings more of betrayal than of disgust. in that case, just give it time and communication.

__________________
Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

I know i can never change who she is and i dont want to, i could appeceriate that maybe i would just like for her to be more open minded and understanging of other people views, less narrow minded ...

Some responces:
Lilith
You are asking for her to accept things she has obviously decided she does not want. Is she angry about it or just sure that these things bother her?
--->She says that im not a real man and not good for her in that way....and yes bothers her very much, she thinks not right..

Tingletess
--> would like to do it all be happy and meake her happy and my slef happy, i know its asking for too much in this day and age with such problems but is all too dam much to ask for ...

wyndhy
just threw them out? no talking? no wondering? no interest? no empathy? except calling you names?
---> She responed in beeing defenasive and saying she not good for me, not really talking just laying them out on the bed and saying what are, these, are u gay and such ......but i tryed to explain amd she would say well there all gay and she just well to say the least dosent like it in the least.......(the non usefull was dressing in lingerie, not me)

she had found a few things that i left tucked away in a closet, and i can understand the feeling but it u knew it made ur husband a little happpy would u not maybe wear more lingerie so he didnt have those feeling to try and capture him backj and win him, not be soo all bent and pissed, off for a very long time .....


Peace

thanks

mike
(love all u kinkey fellow people in the world make the reast of us fell normal , and great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

If I had some items of lingerie hidden away and Mrs. WI discovered them, I would hope that she'd want to discuss with me not only why I had them...but why I felt like I had to hide them instead of discussing it with her.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

amen brutha

__________________
Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

Secrets cause pain and shame.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

i guess they do cause a little distrust, but still not like i was dooing this with another women or guy, its just a way to get off so to speak, not something i want 24/7 in my life(dont get me wrong if i ever got divorced and had a lady who could like it then maybe i would wear panties all the time at home but )

it is what it is ............

i had to hide them because i know her responce and was 100% right.....


peace

all

mike

I'm still a little confused, though...is it the case where she knew about your fetish when you were married and tolerated it up to a point, then decided she'd had enough? Or is it that she's just finding out about it right now?

And as far as you loving lingerie fetish-wise for her to wear primarily, I can't see how that turns her off wearing them for herself. Unless she's afraid she's gonna trigger you off somehow?

Try to find a compromise with her, or let it be known that you'll be doing it without her. Cuz that's what's gonna happen eventually. We all have our own kinks and fetishes that give us joy...and denying their rightful place in our lives (at the appropriate times and places) just makes it worse. When I want to go get off on my big titty porn then I go get it if that's what's gonna make me feel good. You have a gad-damm right to go get you some LaPerla lace panties! I don't think it's an absolute for living that other people need completely understand one's joneses, you know? Especially after you tried to explain your side of the fence once...and that's all you're required to offer.

If I were her, I'd be looking at the bright side...not only does she know the trick to keep your dick hard for her, but she gets free, brand-new, sexy (and possibly expensive) underwear whenever she wants! All I ever get are boxer briefs!

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she found out yrs ago right after we were married and thru out stuff 5 yrs ago and then recently wanted to dres again had the urge so she tru some stuff out but not with out even saying a word to me, my stuff just dissapeared....

I dont know how it would trigger me off other wise then saying something like that looks good on u or is it my color or somthing nice/korney but nothing to get me to expload, or other wise i would just attack her......

no compromise with this she reall a hard on about his, not give the idea up at all, i can understand , but even if she said well when im not home do what u like and when im there no and i could live with that but, she just not forginving at all, i try to be nice about it and all, but i can only go so far before i scream(on top of it all im not working right now laid off, so the sex dept. kinda sucks)

She has draws of sexy undies and dont like to wear them says it too cold, but she uses a heating blanket crancked all the way up i cant see why she cant put somthing sexy on for her man, even to settle my kink some that way..


peace
mike

For me, what would hurt would be the deception of you trying to keep it secret, the lack of communication about it and the feeling that it was something from which I was totally excluded.

I would start by:

a) Apologising for your secretiveness about it. Her (in your opinion) unreasonable reaction is not justification for you to have lied or kept secrets from her. She WILL be hurting that from the fact that she found this stuff that you'd acquired without her knowledge, and she probably feels as though you've been 'cheating on her' with your fetish. Women are not as possessive as men, they don't get upset about infidelity because they feel that a man belongs to them, they get upset that they've been deceived, therefore you can cheat on a woman without ever having touched another person in a sexual way. It's the reason a lot of women don't like porn, lap dancing clubs etc etc.

b) Comminucate. Men are usually useless at analysing why something turns them on and when a guy's response is 'It just does' a woman will usually suspect that he's hiding something. Get to the root of why you find it so stimulating and explain it to her. Something like, 'Women are just so fascinating and their underwear is so intimate and personal - underwear represents the essence of femininity and it is as much a part of them as are their breasts, hair, skin etc so I find it arousing to be close to it, touching it etc.' - Obviously I'm not sure if this is your view but it's an example. Appeal to her intelligence and reassure her that far from making you gay, this is more affirmation of your potent heterosexuality. It's because of your attraction to women that you are attracted to their underwear.

c) Explain that this is an activity you enjoy alone, purely because you would not expect her to put herself out of her comfort zone for you. You are expressing this aspect of your sexuality without her as you know it upsets her, not because you prefer it that way. You don't feel it's something sordid or shameful, or that makes you somekind of outcast, but that you are discreet about it because you care about her feelings. You also need to explain that this is something about yourself that you cannot change or ignore, but is harmless and not likely to lead to anything more sinister or extreme.

I'm not saying that you'll be able to make everything better by following this advice, however, what you should hopefully achieve is some damage limitation to your relationship. I don't expect she'll suddenly find it all easily acceptible, but at least she'll feel better inside about her recent, no doubt upsetting discovery. Do it to make her feel better, not to gain anything from it personally and at least she'll feel respected and loved, even if she can't ever accept your kink.

__________________
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Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Amen sista!

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Here my friend has same desire of watching women in lingerie and even wear it. It is bad mindset which needs to be solved. Good relationship can turn things around

What is your thought guys about changing these bad habits of men.