a little BDSM humor

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One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
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You know you are kinky when ...

... You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

... Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.

... You give a new song a rating of 65....it's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.

... You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

... You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month.

... Canning season gets you *really* excited.

... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you think to yourself, "Gee, some people are BLATANT about being out. YKIOKIJNMK"

... You see a sign in front of a house that reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor Dom/me needs a PERSON to cane.

... Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

... You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.

... Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

... Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

... They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at *four* local leather shops.

... You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.

... Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

On the first day of Christmas my Master gave to me a spanking under a tree

On the second day of Christmas my Master gave to me a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the third day of Christmas my Master gave to me three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the forth day of Christmas my Master gave to me four leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the fifth day of Christmas my Master gave to me five new tattoos, four leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the sixth day of Christmas my Master gave to me six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, 4 leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my Master gave to me seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, four leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree.

On the eight day of Christmas my Master gave to me eight lashes with His flogger, seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, 4 leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the ninth day of Christmas my Master gave to me nine brand new vibrators, eight lashes with His flogger, seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, 4 leather restraints, three balls gags , a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the tenth day of Christmas my Master gave to me ten dripping candles, nine brand new vibrators, eight lashes with His flogger, seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five brand new tattoos, 4 leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Master gave to me eleven cracks of a whip, ten dripping candles, nine brand new vibrators, eight lashes with His flogger, seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, four leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree





On the twelfth day of Christmas my Master gave to me twelve mind blowing orgasms, eleven cracks of a whip, ten dripping candles, nine brand new vibrators, eight lashes with His flogger, seven days of edge play, six whacks with a paddle, five new tattoos, four leather restraints, three ball gags, a pair of nipple clamps and a spanking under a tree

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

OH MY GOD LILITH!!!

These are WONDERFUL!!!!

__________________
Everyone knows that laugher is great foreplay!

OMG ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(takes a while to load but is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it!!)



I'm a cow

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

The Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

The Masters were spanking their Frauleins and Fraus,

Mistress and Switch in Black Leather and Chains

Were chastising their subbies with paddles and canes



When down in the Dungeon there came such a clatter

I jumped from my chair to see what was the matter

Jumped up, tripped over, and fell on my face

Forgot that my domme had just lashed me in place!



Away to the window I made a mad dash

Threw open the window, felt the cool on my ass

And then thru the smoke and the snow and the swirls

Came a rusty old sleigh drawn by twelve pony girls



With bells on their nipples and stripes on their asses

They pulled and they strained, those twelve little lasses

The drunken old driver stood holding his dick

I knew by the "red nose" that this was old Nick



Slower than snails his chargers they came

And he whipped and he flailed as he called them by name

"Come Toni and Tina and Tanya and Tammy

Pull the sleigh on or I'll paddle your fanny



And Judy and Julie and Gina and Jilly

With your blazing red asses you look somewhat silly

Steffie and Kathie and Kimmie and Kay

You bend yourselves over..its floggings today"



Up on the roof, he went, stumbled and fell

And down the chimney he came screaming like hell

He staggered and stumbled and fell out the door

Tripped over a flogger we'd left on the floor



I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight

Merry Christmas you kinksters...and to all a GOOD NIGHT

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for
ham,bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. He's not sure what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are The farmer hangs up and gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

__________________
For the last time yes, I did put it in already!!!

ROTFLMAO!!

__________________
If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Lilith, tis hath to be a mad,mad,mad,mad,mad world!LMAO

__________________
Rain: Liquid Sunshine!

Life's A Bitch, but I Deal withit!!

way to funny

those are the shite Lil

__________________
Would you cater to every fantasy I've got? Would you hose me down with holy water if I get to hot? Can you take me places I've never known?

Sucks, Fucks & Kisses

lol Lilith where do you come up with these to funny

__________________
it's only kinky the first time

it's not the orgasm but getting there thats fun

a shot in the bush is worth two in the hand

whip me, beat me, tie me up, break my arm, but please don't break my heart

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid people are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt" -Bertrand Russell

I stole 'em from somewhere I could never think of anything so original

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer
tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided
the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to
retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down
the well, and was astonished at what he saw.
As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey
did something amazing. He would shake it off and
take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up. Pretty soon,! Everyone
was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the
edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you,
all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of
the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take
a step up!

O.K., that's enough of that B.S. ...

The donkey later came back, caught the farmer out
in the field and kicked the shit out of him. Then
he went over to each of his neighbors farms and
kicked the shit out of them too for helping.

The REAL Moral:
When you try to cover your ass,
it always comes back to get you.

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

FOTFLMAO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm a Cow was too funny Lil ..........

__________________

Soooo - Lilith has an unhealthy interest in leather, whips, spanking etc. Very kinky.......! Perhaps in January we're going to see her wearing her Christmas presents.