This is a pet project I started to help build my vocabulary. I choose 10 words/phrases to fit into a short erotic story. Love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and suggestions for future episodes. Enjoy!

1.1
Martha Stewart entered the secret underground boardroom, sat at a massive oak table, and motioned for everyone in the room to sit.

“You may be wondering why I’ve assembled you. You were chosen to participate in my world domination. If in a year’s time, I’m the sole leader of the world, you will each receive one billion dollars for your efforts. Let’s go around the room so you can introduce yourself and state your mission.”

“I’m former First Lady, Michelle Obama, and I’ll be delving into the proper care of female body hair. I like to air out my full bush in a sea of brilliant trees in the Rose Garden at the White House.”

Martha smiled coyly and said, “We all love fucking – but there’s a new wrinkle. Allow me to introduce our youngest team member, Kittie.”

Kittie smacked a bubble with her gum and said, “I’m a freshman cheerleader at UCLA and a slut in training. I want to fuck, blow, and peg as many people as possible this year.” A smattering of applause broke out. Sometimes, I rub red russula mushrooms on my clit because the football team loves the musky scent.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and Cierra’s Big Fat Fucking Juicy Ass entered. She wore a see-through pink teddy. Her curves made the men and women in the room instantly stir deep in their nether regions.

CBFFJA: I have the biggest, fattest, fucking juiciest ass in the universe. Many will try to usurp my title, but I will trounce them. She smacked her ass and ripples of flesh made the floor rumble.

President Putin waited for the room to be silent as the medals on his uniform glimmered. I arrange meeting between living and dead in my four-Michelin-star restaurant in Moscow.

Gwenyth Paltrow shifted delicately on Quint’s lap and said, “We’re the oddest couple you’ll ever meet. The fact that we’ve been happily married for 15 years is nothing short of herculean. We’ll share our misadventures for your enjoyment.”

Cara Delevigne and Paris Hilton slid their Gucci bags out of the way and giggled obnoxiously. They were obviously drunk and wreaked of weed. Paris flashed her diamond-encrusted shawl.

PH: We travel the world in my Leer jet. It usually leads to a slew of extravagant spending and lots of hot sex in the most luxurious places on Earth.

“You’re a couple of blowhards!” said Quint.

“Yeah, we blow hard – what of it old man? Maybe we’ll rock your world and shut you the fuck up,” countered Paris.

Just then, Hermione Granger disaparated into the empty seat next to Martha. She folded her hands elegantly and said, “Shoddy finances have required me to join in on this mindfuck of a mission. I’ll be reporting on the horrible sex curse that has been placed at Hogwarts. Grad students and teachers are fantastically horny all the time and until the spell is broken, things are going to get a lot worse.

MS: We need the brusque advice of Lord Tyrion Lannister, so I invited him as well.

MO: But Martha, Lord Lannister lived a thousand years ago in the Middle Ages.

There was a psychotic laugh coming from behind the boardroom door. A small explosion caused the door to disintegrate into a puff of purple smoke. The Joker entered carrying a tattered box.

MS: That’s why my friend, The Joker, created this time machine out of a toaster while serving time at San Quentin.

The Joker placed the toaster on the table and pressed a red button – gears and pulleys whirred until it sounded like it was going to explode. Quint grinned with excitement. Lord Tyrion appeared at the table in full battle gear – his house sigil of a ferocious lion adorned his breast plate.

TL: Here I am ya twats!

The room erupted in laughter.

Ellen Brody: I’m here to explore my rape fantasies, she purred with nose-thumbing defiance.

Gwenyth gasped.

Joker: It’s going to be one twisted fucking year, he cackled.

MS: Now get to work everyone.

1.2
Martha arrived in Washington DC and Michelle Obama welcomed her to the White House with a warm embrace. Martha closed her eyes and savored Michelle’s body pressed against hers.

MS: I need my bush trimmed.

MO: Do you mind of Barack watches? If he doesn’t see fresh pussy every day, he’ll be up to hijinks.

MS: But he must see a panoply of pussy on the road.

BO: That’s true, Martha. I do. But road pussy runs the gamut from gaggy to gourmet.

Martha slipped her jeans off, slid her black thong to her ankles, and exposed her pretty pussy.

BO: Now, that’s gourmet!

Murals of naked nympths covered the walls of the Oval Office and flavored vodkas, caviar, and red chandeliers set the mood for pussy pampering. Smoke billowed from Barack’s pipe as he reached into his presidential pjs.

MS: Michelle, you should visit my ranch in Connecticut. It’s in a picture-perfect leafy suburb.

Once Michelle finished sculpting a delicate landing strip for Martha’s love mound, Barack chimed in, “Picture perfect pussy.”

MS: Always with the pithy, made-for-bumper-stickers mantras.

BO: (laughed) That’s what I do!

MO: Women who grow out their armpit hair has become a popular trope in political speeches.

MS: Really? I was going to have you shave mine but I’ll let them grow and see if Ye likes them.

BO: That crazy fucker?

MS: He has a 12-inch cock.

A team of waitstaff in tuxedos prepared a luxurious brunch featuring Martha’s favorite: fleshy ribbons of mushrooms swimming in soy sauce.