Why We Love Children
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> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but
>it was dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
>child innocently.
> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!'
>and it didn't move."
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> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
> "What?"
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
>mischief,
> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said,
> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the
>door
> until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay
>out!'"
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> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor
>in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room"
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy"
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> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
>children's
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
>microphone,
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
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> 6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
>year old
> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
>tummy."
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
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> 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
> "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
>doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
>asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are
>you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus
>two, that son of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
>them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
>Chicken Little
> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
>Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the
>sky is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said,
> "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
>Sugarbrown."
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
> "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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> 10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play
>with the boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
>too rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
>cut,
> eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
>gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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