A reply from a marriage and family therapist
You are working under an assumption that you cannot have what you want with your wife, but the question I would pose is: Have you done everything in your power to attempt to gain what you seek in your current situation?
You have children and you have a wife, so in an ideal situation, if you could have all you wanted in your current situation, it would be the best idea right?...keeping a happy marriage, not hurting your wife or kids.
One member offered the idea of a professional, and I am offering the same suggestion. Go to marriage counseling, go balls out and be honest about everything....and as therapy progresses, even tell her about this current situation. A relationship has many subtleties and nuances that are picked up on almost an unconcious level....these things can contribute to what you are talking about "the lack of passion." GEtting passion back in a marriage just takes work and usually some therapy (if your own attempts as a couple have failed).
Basically, to summarize..I would say don't ruin a potentially happy home until you and your wife have done everything in your power to make it happy. Secondly, the first two steps I would take are:
Two books I would reccomend, Hot Monogamy by Patricia Love and Jo Robinson, and Rekindling Desire by Barry and Emily McCarthy (BTW for everyone this book especially is great for low-sex or no sex marriages...try it out, could save your marriage).
Secondly, like I said, get couples counseling/therapy...do your research first to find a good therapist, there are bad ones and good ones, so if you do your research, get recommendations and such, you run the chance of getting a good one instead of a bad one which could make you think therapist is not worth it (it is, but it takes a good therapist to make us see that).
I hope that helps, and I hope other people read this. There are good reasons to leave a spouse (such as abuse, harm to children) and bad reasons to leave a spouse (not enough sex)....the bad reasons can usually be fixed with some good effort. Thanks
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