Yesterday morning I needed to rewarm my coffee, so I put the cup on the counter next to the microwave, then turned the microwave on for 40 seconds. When the time was up and it beeped, I picked up my cup off of the counter (still cold of course) and proceeded to drink it. DUHHH...

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~