I haven't posted to this thread, mainly because I gave my thoughts on his previous one, but I have to say that I don't think it's ever been said here at pixies that you have to just give happy agreeing opinions, just that you don't go slamming away at people ....

You've made some very good points Sweetlady, however if the points are made in the form of an attack, then they won't reach their mark. I think if you honestly read the various other posts to this thread you will see that the opinions expressed are not all happy and agreeing ones, but they do recognize that this man is the one who has to live his life and deal with the consequences of his decisions.

Personally, I'd like to see all marriages work out, but I know it is not always possible, and when a person asks for some helpful advise like this, we don't necessarily know all of what went on before to bring him to this request.

In my own life, my parents were married for 27 years, all of them that I remember were horrendous, a lot of yelling and fighting, none of it physical, but left scars in all of our lives ... my mother finally met a good man, when they met they both were "married" though both were also "separated" (though not officially) ... to my knowledge, though they fell in love, they didn't have sex while still married to their existing partners, but still most would view their relationship as "cheating". When my stepfather died a few years ago, the 2 of them had been together for just over 27 years as well - all of them happy, all of them committed and not necessarily easy. Their marriage is the one I look to when I try to define a "happy marriage" ... Just because a person ends up leaving a marriage, doesn't mean the decision was the wrong one. Sometimes it is the only viable decision and though in this case we have only been given some of the details, it doesn't mean we can assume we know the entire situation that has brought him to ask for advise.