blueraider...

First let me say first.. that I understand that love isn't easy.. nor is it easy keeping a marriage together... I wish you luck in whatever you choose... I do believe that everyone does deserve happiness... and I hope that you find yours... before it is too late..

Please don't consider my words for anything more than they are worth... just my opinion...

Why wait until she throws you out? So that she can look like the bad guy? That is a good option... NOT.

Stay for the kids sake? So that they can grow up in a home where there is virtually no display of genuine love and affection? Children who are raised in homes such as that have no idea on how to build functioning loving relationships in their future.. you learn by what you see.. what you experience... Don't think you are doing your kids any favor... what your children deserve is to see their parents happy (together or apart) in loving happy relationships.

Just say you don't love her and move out? Sorry... but in my opinion that is chicken way out.. leaving your spouse behind clueless... so that she will shoulder the blame in her own mind.. the what ifs.. the coulda's.. the shoulda's.. not to mention... from that point forward there will always be a part of her that will believe that EVERY man will do that to her... that she is unworthy..

Tell the truth? Of all the options you posed, this is the ONLY one that has any possible chance of a amiciable outcome. She deserves the truth.. no matter the reasons why the love you had for her once has died.. she has given you beautiful children and years of her life. The least she deserves is the honest truth. It is the only chance you have of getting to the point (down the road) where she won't HATE you for your choices. In time, with the truth.. she will be able to move on with her life... leave the bitterness behind... and find happiness on her terms.

The very least you owe your wife and children are honesty.

Another note on honesty.....
This new lady.... how will she ever be able to believe you.. unless you display honesty and integrity in your life? If you walk away from your wife without explainations and with lies... how is this new wonderful woman going to ever COMPLETELY trust that you won't do the same to her?

Just food for thought...