again, thank you big big, all! I realized last night that this story my have dredged up some very powerful and painful emotions for many of you out there. i did not mean to hurt anyone, i didn't think of what the consequences would be for someone who read this and had gone through it, or worse, lost someone close because of drug abuse. i guess it was a liitle selfish of me to go one for so long but i truly just wanted to vent and get advice. if i hurt anyone please know that i am sorry.