At the very least, give yourself a "drop dead" deadline. You don't want to be still wondering when he'll find the inner strength to leave in 5 or 10 years. And just a question for you ... how is he going to find inner strength when he's just giving in to inner weakness?

I agree with Lil, if the wife is being a control freak, she certainly has good reason. And remember that if he cheats on her, then even if he's always faithful to you .... aren't you likely to always be wondering?

Not trying to lecture, just give some advice that might be helpful somewhere along the way .... None of us can know the particulars of why this feels ok and therefore none of us can know that it is (or isn't) ok. You just have to be able to live with the decisions you make and so its best to know what you find acceptable and what is not and make sure you are well aware of both of those things as you explore this relationship.

Finally, you don't have the right to ignore that each of you has a child to factor into this equation. If things work out between you, he is still a father to a child who needs him for MANY years and so you will not be able to ignore the mother to his child, she will be an ongoing part of your life.