used to beg --- have pretty much given up now and resigned myself to the fact i'm in an almost sex-free relationship. why don't i leave him,,,,,, hard as it is to believe i guess i still love him, still hope things will change to the way they used to be. at this point we share so much, so much of my history, my life is wrapped up in him. besides its 'safe' here, there are so many unknowns out there,,, i'm scared of what i can't predict and who can say i'd be better off if i left,,,,,

ok, i got off track, yes i have begged, and probably will again.

teddy