1093....

MARRIAGE (PART I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want ... and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, golfing, boozing and card-playing whenever I want with my old buddies. and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not!"

MARRIAGE (PART II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'"

"Yeah?" she replies. " When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last!'"


MARRIAGE (PART III)

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage, says, "And you are no good in bed
either," and storms out of the house. While driving to his
office he realizes he was nasty, decides to make amends and calls
his wife to apologize. After a great many rings she answers the
phone; the irritated husband asks, "What took you so long to
answer the phone?"

"I was in bed," she replies.

"In bed ... this late ... doing what?" he asks.

"Getting a second opinion, of course!" she explains.


MARRIAGE (PART IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
is so proud that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six," in
spite of her objections.

One night they attend a party. The man decides that it's time to
go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home,
Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts
right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

MARRIAGE (PART V)

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for a flight to Europe. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
tomorrow morning at 5:00 am." The next morning the man awoke,
only to discover it was 9:00 am, and that he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper lying on his pillow
... it said "It's 5:00 am, wake up!"