naughtyeddie - I'm not sure what you're talking about would actually class as 'rape'. Rape is forcing someone to have sex when they are unwilling. If both parties are enjoying it and are consensual (even if they are pretending not to be) then I don't think you can classify it as rape.

Of course it's entirely possible to rape an SO, but I'm assuming that you have not been forcing yourself upon an unwillling partner!

Blueswede - I can totally understand your reasons; I have no doubt I'd feel exactly the same if I were in your position......words are a far more powerful force than a lot of people think and the psychological damage they can cause is far more lasting than any physical pain can ever be. But good for you for having got so far in getting over the experience. It's good to see that you're not letting the bastard ruin your life. x

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