Geeeez this is so familiar. In my marriage and divorce there was an indiscression. I couldn't have given permission, no way. It must take some serious confidence to consider that, although I can see the thought of saving the relationship by allowing some freedom. The deal as I see though is a catch 22. You allowed it, interpetted as indifference. You stayed with it to prove your loyalty to her and she doubts you. I think the biggest part of that is simply she hasn't forgiven herself. The genderal planet thing to me isn't exactly how I see it. Communication can overcome the differences. The trick is to say it so they percieve what you mean. I wish you the best. It sounds like she has the most determined, loyal partner around. She should come to see that.
ohhhhh and Lixy darlin, we don't ALL think with our "little heads". Some of us actually have connections from our genitalia to our hearts. No offense intended. You're a lovely insightful lady. I agree with your input and dearly love your posts. It seems the reason women think all men have sex for the sake of sex is because the sensitive guys are largely overlooked. smooches Hon.. luvs ya still.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery