Ok I am not real sure how to ask this, so I will just say it and see how it comes out.
My wife and I have had a couple of conversations about my fantasy of her having sex with other men. This is something that will NEVER happen in my marriage. My wife will not consider this and for a few very good reasons. One of which is she had an affair several years ago, and the guilt she carries from this is something that she will probably never get over. She knows the biggest part of this ordeal that I could not handle was her lies and deception, not the fact that she cheated on me. Now I am perfectly alright with my fantasy remaining a fantasy, this is something that I do not need to have fulfilled. It is just fun to play with while I am using our sex toys on her or while I am away and thinking about while she is masturbating. I would never consider pushing her into something that she does not want to do whole heartedly.
Ok now that we have covered the back ground info, let’s get on to the current dilemma. This came up during a talk about the hardships that we have experienced and overcome in our marriage, which we have grown closer together as a result of. Well one of the topics was the affair, now like I said earlier she is scared more from this than I am. Well she went on to mentioned that she can not understand how, I could be willing to permit her to have sex with someone else if I loved her as much as I claim to, and that if I really was willing to let that happen I must not truly love her. I tried to explain that for me it is not a matter of, or proof of how much I love her. That it was a desire to see her acting in a sexually wanton and explicit way. That it is a turn on for me to think of her as a person whose sexual needs can not be satisfied by just one person.
Well the conversation went around and around in circles for a while before we moved on to talk about other things. We did not argued and fight about this, we just talked it over. But afterwards while thinking things over I felt terrible that have caused my wife to doubt my love. While I can see and understand where she is coming from, deep inside of me I have no question about the strength of my love. So how can I reassure my wife that I really do love her, how can I put her fears to rest that the role playing/fantasy that we do in bed in no way lessens my feelings for her.

I hope everyone can understand that rambling.

__________________
Mind what poeple do not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
Terry Goodkind, Wizzards Fifth Rule

There are two things a real man likes--danger and play;and he likes woman because she is the most dangerous of playthings.
Nietzsche


Monogamy does not have to mean Monotony