The only way I know of to not feel like a "dirty slut" is to get yourself out of that box you have been put in. Nothing is worse than to be confined to a spot you are uncomfortable with. It sounds to me like losing the ex was the first step to stepping out of the box. Good for you! I too was made to feel ashamed of my sexual desires in a past relationship, and all that did was shroud me in inhibitions. Finding someone you can openly communicate with about everything just totally melts those inhibitions away. Allowing for fun and totally healthy exploration. My new motto is that anything goes sexually as long as its comfortable for me both physically and mentally. Gone are the negative thoughts concerning anything but traditional sex. Its amazing how good it feels to allow yourself the expression you desire, I can't think of anything better or more empowering. I wish you luck stepping out of that box and letting go of the negative thoughts.