I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen,
ungrateful sods. All I said was, 'Hurry up for Christ's sake,
some of us have got homes to go to!'

Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table
with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble any more..

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I
heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What you like
for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you,
I'll have chicken'. She replied, 'You're having soup you fat
bastard, I was talking to the cat!'

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal,my favourite waiter .
came over and says, 'Curry ok?' I said, 'Go on then,
just one song then bugger off'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the
head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke
shouts, 'That's just for starters!



A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating