Bowrrowed from: http://www.christmascarnivals.com/q...mas-quotes.html

1.I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."
-- David Letterman

2.Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
-- Frank McKinney Hubbard

3.I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, toys not included.
-- Bernard Manning

4.I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple

5.The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
-- Joan Rivers

6.Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
-- W.C. Fields