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When Insults Had Class

1. In the mid- to late-1800s, British Parliament members William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli not only belonged to opposing political parties, they disliked each other intensely. One day, while Gladstone was giving a major speech on some issue near and dear to him, Disraeli was kibitzing throughout the speech, drawing laughter from the Parliament members. Aware of this, Gladstone was getting angrier and angrier until he could no longer hold his temper. Pointing directly at Disraeli, Gladstone angrily exclaimed: "You, Sir, will either die in the hangman's gallows or of some unspeakable disease!"

Disraeli was on his feet in an instant and replied: "Only, Sir, if I embrace either your policies or your mistress."

2. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approve of it." -- Mark Twain.

3. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand.

4. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating.

5."He has delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr.

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time in reading it." -- Moses Hadas.

7. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde.

8. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop.

9. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West.

10. Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
Winston Churchill's response: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

11. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill.

12. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow.