Apparently the Recession Cut Deeper Than We Thought.

BBC/AP— LONDON , UK (August 18th)

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday
in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins
a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February
from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years
of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the
afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs
(B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members
and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told
the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause
of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a
kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with
our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a
competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic
shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing
expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages, but I’d hate to
have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland , Wales, and
the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their
operations as “There are no virgins in their areas anyway.”

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the
emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle – now that Muslims know
what a virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to Paradise .

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