The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies". Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. This time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs.Jones?" inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?
"I don't have any," she replied smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"

Mrs. Jones tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches!".

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.