THIS IS IN THE WORST POSSIBLE TASTE.


I was walking in a cemetery this morning
and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.

I said, "Mourning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

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Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.

The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me,

pass the parcel was quick!!!

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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way,
so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

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Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit,

"Get this thing outta me! Give me the drugs!"

She turns to her boyfriend and says,

"You did this to me, you fucker!"

He casually replies,

"If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse", but you said,

"fuck off it'll be too painful.'"


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I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

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I went to see the nurse this morning for my
annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.

When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine
you!"

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I was walking down the road when I saw an
Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him,

What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

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My girlfriend and I were having sex the
other day when she looked at me and said,

"Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the arse, pulled out, and
came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.


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A man walks into a petrol station and says,

"Can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a Kit Kat
Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch."

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Chinese guy walks into a bar.

The bartender is black.

Chinese guys says, "Gimmie a jigger, nigger!"

The black guy is shocked, but gives him a
shot.

The Chinese guy does the same thing again.

The black guy gets pissed but still gives him another shot.

The Chinese guy says it again.

The black guy is royally pissed off by now.

He yells, "You get back here! I'm going to do the same

thing to you and you can see how it feels."

The black guy storms out and the Chinese
guy gets behind the bar.

The black guy walks in and yells,

"Gimmie a drink, chink!"

The Chinese guys says, "Sorry. We don't serve niggers here!"

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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted,

"Oi, what's your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off."

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating