05-24-2009, 03:47 PM
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Causer of Unrest
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,005
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lord Snow
I think one of the best things you can if/when you do go visit is treat him like a normal person. Don't bring up the cancer and all that.
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You know, "normal people" get cancer; cancer doesn't make you abnormal, it makes you sick. There's a big difference between not dwelling on it and avoiding it, and a lot of folks who are dying are longing to be able to talk about what's happening with them with someone, but since everyone's so busy hoping for miracles and pretending there's nothing wrong, they are left alone with their fear, confusion, and perhaps a need to finish some business. Oftentimes, it's the person who isn't so close that they can talk to, because they don't want to worry their family more than they're already worried. Ignoring their illness seems, to me, insensitive to their reality. A good friend knows and cares about what's going on with their friends, even when it isn't good news. A lot of people miss out on goodbyes that they regret not having because they're so studiously ignoring the elephant in the room.
Personally, I think the greatest gift you can give someone is your ability to sit with whatever they have to say, to really listen, and not assume anything about their needs when you couldn't possibly know. Take your cues from him; ask him, if you're not sure. I have been in that position, and I just say, "Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to be distracted?" And then give him what he needs, not what you need. |