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Laughs for Seniors

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able
to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center
were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns
to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now
and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple' s
house, and after eating, the wives left the table
and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally
said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to
someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then
turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's
the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for
patients being discharged. However, while working
as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need
my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was
meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in
the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor
tells them that they're physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that n ight, while watching TV, the old man
gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you
can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
ys, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of
ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it
down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries
and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his
wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the
plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a
new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to
get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc :
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto
a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'