krzykrn..

I read your initial post TWICE before I finally decided to post my opinion..

I have been there.. done that.. shut the door.. locked it... dead bolted it... sheet rocked over it.. painted it.. BUT that was 2 years ago.. and I have slowly begun to remove those locks, .. and am now in the process of opening the door. Now.. it has yet to be seen whether or not I will find what I am looking for on the other side.. only time will reveal that to me.

I don't think that the possibility of finding love online is unrealistic. As 4YourEyesOnly mentioned above, I too know people who have been blessed to find their mate online. It wasn’t something they were necessarily looking for, but it did happen. The opportunities to meet people are unlimited in life. Many people have the fortune of meeting someone at work, at church, thru friends, at the bar, at the produce section of the grocery store, etc. Every venue offers up its own possibilities, I do think that as with all other avenues in the dating world, finding someone online has its own unique challenges.

Yes, I do have experience in this area. 2 ½ years ago, I met a wonderful guy online. We met after he read one of my stories online and sent me an email. I responded and things went on from there. I live in Missouri, he lives in Northern Virginia. We began to get to know one another in April of 2000. We spoke to eachother daily via email and the phone (it wasn’t unusual to talk ALL night long on the phone) and in Aug 2000 he made the trip to visit me. It was a wonderful week together, we hit it off as well as I could have dreamt possible (if not better). My family met him (and loved him), my friends really liked him, and he and my son hit it off well. He returned home from the trip and things continued as they had before.. endless calls.. emails.. I spent a week in Northern VA in October 2000. I met his family, his little girl, a few of his co-workers and friends. Everything was still going wonderfully. We had begun discussing me moving there the following May. Come December he came out here for Christmas and again it was wonderful (he even paid to have my brother fly out from California to surprise my Mom). Everything was wonderful… then on January 21st, he called me. Suddenly telling me that he had been mistaken that he didn’t love me.. assuring me that it was HIM.. not Me (yeah right!). Click. Nothing more.. no further explanations.. it was over.. turned my world upside down. It was really the worst heartache I have ever had..

Why do I retell that.. Because I think that it touches on what Horseman mentioned above in his post.. That online you take the chance of falling for someone who is making themselves into being someone that they are not.. Whether they do so to impress the other person, or purely because they wish they were something that they are not.. the risk is there. Yes, that risk exists in any form you choose to utilize in your search for a mate.. but online seems to be a heightened level of it.

There is another problem with falling for someone online.. that problem being that some of the communication skills that are used on a daily basis in our lives are weakened or entirely unavailable. There is a lot to be said for reading a face, looking into someone’s eyes and being able to really be able to identify a truth, a lie, or an exaggeration. I like to think that with the online relationship that I had, that if I had seen him every day during those 9 months instead of those all too brief visits, maybe I would have seen it coming, maybe I would have seen him for the man he was. BUT then again, I doubt that. Logically I know that the relationship could have started anywhere.. not just online.

In any relationship.. the 3 most important qualities is Trust, Honesty, and communication and it is really hard to find all of those online… or maybe that is just me.

Just as I have come to realize that there are disadvantages to the online courtship.. I think that there are just as many advantages. I think that it is a wonderful way to really explore someone and allow them deeper access in getting to know you than what they would have gained had you met them elsewhere. I have met some wonderful men online.. and I enjoy being able to expose myself entirely to them. I have the philosophy at this point of my life.. that I would rather them learn EVERYTHING about me via the distance than risk the rejection later. I tend to be brutally honest about myself and try to the best of my ability not to allow them to have any wild misconceptions. I do tho, find it hard to express how I might feel.. or my desire to get to know them better.. instead choosing to allow them to make the move… I refuse to “court” them.. the risk is too great for me.. rejection wise..

Yikes.. didn’t mean to post like crazy..

Krzykrn.. When it is meant to happen for you (and I am certain it will), then it is going to happen. Whether that be online, in the grocery store or at the stop light.. it will happen 

HUGS