Something to offend everyone.


Tasmanian couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is
crying her heart out.
Husband says ' Oh for fuck's sake stop crying, you're still my sister'

__________________________________

My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die
you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.
I said, 'You're not fucking listening'


_____________________________________________


Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in
Afghanistan , told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

_______________________________________________

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later. I love the
part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle backwards,
gets in the car and fucks off.



__________________________________________________ _

A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today. Police have
Urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the
mosque.





================================================== ========

Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of
Me, give me drugs'.

She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you fucker'.
He replied casually,

'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said,
'Fuck off it'll be too painful',


Now who's laughing'

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating