A Sunday school teacher was testing children in a Glasgow Sunday
school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to
Heaven

She asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale
and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept
everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now she was starting to smile.

'Well then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the
children and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again they all answered 'No!'

She was just bursting with pride for them.

Well she continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?

A six year-old Glasgow boy shouted out, 'YUV GOTTAE BE FUCKN' DEAD YA
MUPPET.'

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating