Yep, it sounds to me that her head isn't in the right place for sex, in which case, porn, sex toys etc are all going to make the situation worse.

If she's really that difficult to get motivated into 'doing' things and just wants to watch TV and play video games, I'd be wondering if she's suffering from a mild kind of depression. If this is the case, pressure from you about sex is not helping.

If you really want to continue the sexual side of your relationship while she's trying to get her head right, I suggest, you go for the tried and trusted, old fashioned approach. She needs romancing, treating gently (both emotionally and physically) and she needs to know you care. She shouldn't have to tell you that her knees are sore, you should be making sure she's in a position where she's comfortable, and asking her if she's still OK. If you give her options to stop, change positions move on to something different, before she's in physical pain, you may find she'll be less likely to turn you down next time.

This last bit is going to sound harsh, but it's from personal experience so I know what I'm talking about. If you and she are having sex when she doesn't really want it (and let's face it, she's making it pretty clear to you that she doesn't really want it) you could be doing her similar psychological damage as she'd suffer at the hands of an abuser - particularly if in order to 'improve' your sex life you're pressuring her to do things which in her mind appear to be more and more extreme.

You need to help her get this sorted out before it messes her up for life. You seeing her as 'horrible' is probably not helping either.

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